I do not like mil and its affecting my judgement

[Goodgollymiss]

Mil has biggest mouth and will not stop talking to literally anyone about dd.. proud first time grandma except..... there is no genuine connection with Ds - I feel. I hate people knowing my family business and find it unsettling that people know so much about the way we are parenting or about ds in general. I know this shouldnt bother me as such but I feel our relationship strained beyond repair

This says more about you that it does about her. You don't like her, you don't want her as part of your childs life and you are finding things to be pissed off about so you can exclude the woman.
How would you feel if your Dh did this to your mother?
You don't sounds very nice.

Look, there’s no reason to like her. She’s in your life because of who you married. People who like their ILs are lucky — it’s like liking your neighbours. Treat her like a difficult colleague.

Be honest. You don't really want her to be more involved, do you?
Because that would mean her spending more time with you and your child.
Maybe she knows she is as close as she is ever going to get and is making the best of it?
She loves your child and loves talking about them. That is a good thing.
She also likes bigging herself up a bit. Not a good thing, perhaps, but not the end of the world.

I think I do have to make more of an effort as really I dont want my own feelings affecting a relationship between ds and his grandma... I dont think I said I hated her? Hate is a very strong word ... I hate the situation but not her as a person. We are just different I guess.

OP I think I get where you’re coming from. I think it’s difficult to articulate if you’re not in the same position.

My MIL really has no ‘urge’ to see our DD. She’s 15 weeks now and she hasn’t seen her since she was 6weeks old. She only lives 30 mins away. I used to always say “you must let me know when you’re free and I’ll ring her round”, but nothing.

Too boring to list her disinterest through the years but it’s a theme. And it does annoy me and I don’t like her much as a result. I feel quite resentful towards her so I can relate to your posts.

There isn’t a solution but I always think “you get out what you put in” and where she could get away with being a distant mother and MIL in the past, it is becoming difficult to ignore now. Ultimately what I’m saying is that it’s not your responsibility to chase after her. I don’t need to do that with my family.