AIBU about lights and work?

[Rainbowknickers]

My dsd has the bedroom next to ours
This week her dad has been on nights (shift worker) so I’ve been going to bed around 10pm
Dsd has exams so goes up around the same time as he goes out to work
For the last 3 nights she’s been coming out of her room about 10:30-11:00 pm turning on the landing and bathroom lights then going back into her room leaving them blazing
My problem (apart from the leccy bill) is I’m up again at 6am for work and it’s been waking me up then of course I have to get up,turn them all off again and then I’m awake and can’t go back off to sleep
I’ve tried having a word with my dp but he just laughed and said
‘That’s teens for you!so thoughtless!’
I’ve tried having a word with her,I get a mumbled ‘sorry’ and it starts all over again
The light it so bright it’s like someone shining a bright light in my eyes
I’ve not slept for the last 3 nights and I’m snappy and getting into trouble at work

Aibu?

An LED lightbulb costs next to nothing to run. You can fit a 3.5W lamp that is adequate at night for a landing. Perhaps your dd is half asleep and too dopey to turn the light off.

But I think the thing upsetting you is light getting round the door.

If the door is ill-fitting a carpenter can fit a new wooden doorstop strip. Or you could add draught-excluding strip yourself. Look for the furry-pile "brush" strip. Although the self-adhesive rubber strip is easier to find. The tubular plastic one is harder-wearing than the foam and easy to keep clean.

www.ironmongerydirect.co.uk/browse/seals-for-doors-and-windows/weather-seals?sort=price

If she goes to bed and leaves them on, get her up again to turn them off. Repeat until she learns. After her exams, make it just as she's about to fall asleep if you can.

It will be painful but it's probably the only way.

This ^

You have to tell her in the moment and make it inconvenient.

rather than just telling her what she's doing wrong, have you actually asked her why? Is she going to the loo and just not bothering to turn it off? Is she scared of the dark?

I'm assuming she lives with you full time as this is affecting you so much, so you should be able to have a conversation about it with her (as much as any teenager communicates) and put some penalty in place if she keeps being wasteful and disrespectful

Thank you to the people who made helpful comments
I’m getting around 4 hours as I’m a bad sleeper at the best of times and once I’m awake it takes ages (or feels like it) to get back off
I’ll look into getting someone else out to have a look at the door (it came with the house so it’s been low on the list of things to do to be fair)
It’s just the fact she can be thoughtless and doesn’t give much thought to others (I guess it’s how a teens brain works)
I’m gonna have a look for these low light/low cost bulbs I didn’t buy the ones we have so will go into town tomorrow
Thank you

I’ll look into getting someone else out to have a look at the door

Or just tell her to put the light off?

We've always had a plug in light on the landing and it works perfectly. Just make sure you get an actual light rather than the one that just seems to be a glow in the dark plug!

I’m sick of asking her to turn the light back off-she does-then gets back up and repeats it
It’s like she forgets what I’ve just asked her
Guess I’ll just have to keep going til it sinks in with her or she gets old enough to move out
Thank you to all who mentioned the low light bulbs tho

This house has table lamps with timers in the hall and landings, but outside the bathroom door I put one of these

www.wickes.co.uk/Sylvania-LED-Non-Dimmable-Frosted-Mini-Globe-Light-Bulb---3W-B22-250lm/p/102602

Standard bayonet fitting for a UK lampholder, and, amazingly for its low power, it is sufficient.

It takes 300 hours to use 12pence worth of electricity.

DD(9) kept leaving her bedroom light on EVERY SINGLE TIME she used it.

I took the bulb out. She got so annoyed with never having light in her bedroom that she magically learned to switch lights off. Fancy that!

Pigletjohn thank you I’ll order one tomorrow
I would take the light out but if she slipped I’d never forgive myself
I once broke my ankle walking down the stairs with the light off and I wouldn’t ask her to do that-all I ask is she turns it off after herself
The bloody switch is just outside her room!

Maybe try punishing her for leaving the lights on. Something like "If you leave the lights on one more time, you're grounded / I'm confiscating your phone / no TV for a week". This method works well with my DS, who's 15.

Leaving the light on for a few minutes from 10-30/11ish is an incredibly poor reason for you to be so snappy at work that you’re getting in to trouble after only 3 days. So for that alone, it sounds like you have bigger issues!

I completely agree with this ^ (even though I understand it would stay on all night, not just a few minutes).
It can hardly be "flooding" into your room or "so bright I can't sleep" unless you have a glass door.
Don't get me wrong, I have teens who don't make the connection that the off switch is the same as the on switch, and have spent years trying to explain this to them, but, realistically it is a matter of pence over many weeks.

I can't believe people are seriously suggesting taking the landing lightbulb out
Yes, replace it with a lower wattage one if you think that will help, or get some of the plug in night lights, or - if you are made of money - the 'sensors' that put a light on, or you could put up one of those ones designed for the cupboard under the stairs where you press it to turn it on and then it goes off after a minute (not sure if you can adjust the time). there are lots of options.

OP's partner isn't the one leaving the light on, no, but it doesn't sound like he's very sympathetic or understanding of how frustrating the situation is for OP. And he's the one who shut down the idea of taking out the light bulb. It's his child whose annoying behaviour he's so lightly dismissing, so of course the dynamics are a bit different than if it was OP's own child being thoughtless. He's in a better position to deal with her, but he's refusing to get involved. A light shining in his own face might theoretically motivate him (and give a moment's satisfaction for the sleep-deprived OP).

The low-light bulb or night-light seem like better solutions, though.

Why does she turn the lights on? Sorry if I've missed something

Rather than telling her not to try asking her why she does it. I'm a grown up who can't sleep in total darkness, I would actually say I am "afraid of the dark". When I stay in hotels I often leave the bathroom light on with the door very slightly open - DH is used to my strange ways. Maybe she is afraid/nervous too but is too embarrassed to say, especially if she is hearing a lot about it being wasteful. If that is the case maybe she could have a nightlight?

Maybe try punishing her for leaving the lights on. Something like "If you leave the lights on one more time, you're grounded / I'm confiscating your phone / no TV for a week"

Good grief. Most parents of teens realise that you'll get a lot further in communicating with teens if you pick your battles. This is not big crime in my book. Where on earth would you go if they did something bad ?

Eye mask.

I'm the opposite to you Snowsinwater,
I like complete darkness to sleep. In hotels I usually have to put a rolled up towel across the bottom of the door to stop the light coming in and even the standby lights on the TV get covered or unplugged.

I totally understand what op means about the light around the door seeming so bright as my brain would focus on it and keep me awake. Shutting my eyes just wouldn't help. It would be the equivalent of a ticking clock to me.

In the house I grew up in my bed was opposite the door so my face was about 3ft away and every fucking night my brother would get up then leave the landing light on and I'd have to get up and switch it off or I couldn't sleep.

I'm happy to walk around the house in the dark though, going the loo in the night etc I never switch the lights on.

My DC do this too and it drives me mad. The contrast between my dark room and the light leaking in around the door frame wakes me up. I used to deal with it by screaming like a banshee ‘ Turn the bloody light out’ (they are all adults not little kids) and they are improving but I can see that that’s not ideal with a 15 yo stepchild. If it does happen and screeching doesn’t work I get up and do it myself banging and crashing as many doors as I can on the way - if I’m going to suffer they can all suffer.

During the day I am not bothered about lights being left on at all. I like a bright house and cba switching lights on and off as I leave rooms, but at night it does my head in. Bedtime is dark time.

Plus he moans about our leccy bill-we’d shave quite a lot off if she wasn’t so wasteful

A 100 watt light bulb takes 10 hours to burn 1 kilowatt of electricity. that is 1.6 pence on a standard tariff.

I did think of taking the bulb out and she can use her torch but Disney dad won’t let me as she is clumsy and the stairs are to the right of the bathroom-and knowing her she would fall down the bloody things

You don't like her do you, and you have zero respect for your partner.

Can you hang something over your door? A blackout sheet? I'm the same with light and noise op, I'm a very light sleeper.

You're not keen on your dsd at all are you OP?

Oh come off it. Nothing op has said indicates she doesn't like her.