Donor eggs guarantee a baby...

[Stripyseagulls]

Good friend going through IVF at 44 using donor eggs- first 2 rounds failed. Consultant has told them that donor eggs virtually guarantee success- they are desperate for a child so I suspect will keep trying for a while.
Aibu to think this is really irresponsible of consultant to say this too them- it feels a bit like it’s exploiting their desperation. Am not sure of the success rate of donor eggs but nothing is guaranteed. I really feel for them but this feels unethical

“Consultant has told them that donor eggs virtually guarantee success”.

Honestly, he or she should definitely not have said that but who, who has done even the most limited research, would believe it?

@piglet they are really desperate bless them & I think would believe anything at the mo

At 44 success is unlikely.

I just don’t want to say anything at all as it’s not my business & I am trying to be positive for them. Angry that they were told this tho

Did the consultant definitely use those words? Sometimes people hear what they want to hear, and if he said "the chances are much improved" then that could be misinterpreted, if he meant "go from 1% - 5%".*

*numbers made up for illustrative purposes only.

It’s like a bloody racket exploiting people

I love how people speak with authority when they have no clue. Kinda sums up most of Mumsnet.

@Tableclothing it could be that they heard what they wanted to hear- they are so desperate and have been trying for a while

I’d want to have been the one who heard the consultant say that, to be honest.
Of course you can’t guarantee it will work, but I wonder if the consultant said something different. I find it hard to believe that was said. Perhaps they were told that by using multiple donor eggs, with healthy sperm, they’re almost guaranteed to get fertilisation and an embryo to put in?

Success is not unlikely at 44 with donor eggs because it is the age of the donor that is relevant in this situation. However, there can be other reasons for infertility than old eggs so I think it must be irresponsible to say success is virtually guaranteed!

There is no doubt though that success rates are higher than with your own eggs if you are an older woman (I used them three times and got pregnant each time (first pregnancy sadly ectopic)).

Good luck to your friend!

By the way, according to my consultant, getting sperm was very rarely a problem. There can be insurmountable issues, but as you just need one (for ICSI IVF) and there are millions, even if there is low count, low motility etc, then once they have a sample - they can easily get something. Eggs is the hard part. So if a couple have funds to keep going with donor eggs on multiple tries - then yes, there’s a very high chance they will get fertilisation. Getting to blastocyst stage is much less likely, and then completing a healthy pregnancy too is even less likely. But getting to fertilisation - not such an issue. I doubt they have understood correctly.

@CleopatrasMum how old were you if you don’t mind me asking?

I very much doubt the consultant said those words verbatim OP, it’s more likely they said something like ‘donor-egg IVF has the highest success rate of any fertility treatment’ (which is correct) & your friends heard donor eggs virtually guarantee success because that’s what they desperately wanted to hear.

Totally unreasonable! I've had 3 DE cycles and not ended up with a baby yet.

@Tinkety I hope so. Is age fairly irrelevant with donor eggs? That’s the impression they have given me

I'm not sure the consultants said donor eggs guarantees success. There is a higher rate of success with with donor eggs because the donor is usually in her 20s. Thus the eggs are usually of much better quality and lacking the chromosomal abnormalities that women with older eggs have.

Ivf is a lottery. It's basically paying for a chance to get a baby. The heart break is awful.

Good luck to your friend.

I know a couple had two DC with donor eggs in late 40s. Seemed to happen quite easily. Maybe they were just lucky

@user I think that’s the message my friend has taken from all of this- that it’s fairly easy - I just don’t know what to say tbh but glad that your friends had success

Do they mean to fertilise or take home healthy baby?
Doctors think they are god.

@Missingstreetlife baby I assume. Feels like it’s raising expectations

Maybe they were actually told that the donor eggs were a virtual guarantee compared to your friend's eggs, presuming the donor was much younger?

So, I think they might have heard what they wanted to hear.

I wish them luck.

@Fromage yes likely. They have unexplained infertility after trying for about 5 years naturally & no luck so maybe IVF will help

It's definitely more "guaranteed" - however there's no guarantee whatsoever - more likely, yes, but no guarantee with any pregnancy wether standard conception or otherwise that you'll end up with a baby in your arms.

speaking as a couple who tried for 8 years including 4 miscarriages, 2 IVF and 2 ICSI and eventually had DD. Then another fucker of a surprise pregnancy and very late miscarriage because of trisomy. Infertility is a fucker and I'm still exhausted years later

I really doubt they were told that. My husband is a lawyer and frequently had clients who hear what they are and to hear or try to press him into guaranteeing success. He deals with it by being extremely blunt with his clients, making his estimates quite conservative and, refusing to sign a client unless he is sure they understand. I would imagine that it’s diffocultto be quite so firm with patients especially if they have already had two failed rounds.

@Trooperslaneagain Sounds really rough xx