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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To pathetically ask you for some birthday wishes?

98 replies

RitmoRatmo · 11/06/2019 09:55

Firstly can I just explain that I’m not a birthday-zilla?! I usually don’t mention my birthday much and never plan a celebration or whatever (feel bad about being all conceited and saying “come and celebrate wonderful MEEEE!”)

But I’ve had a truly horrendous year (think marital breakdown, divorce, traumatic sudden bereavement, losing partner, depression, single parenting, kids with MH difficulties, work stress and a depressive breakdown/suicidal phase until 8 weeks ago. I suppose I hoped for a bit of a nice day (maybe a bike ride or picnic) with new DP and this had been promised. So I took the day off work. Then all plans cancelled over phone at midnight last night due to DP’s work commitments (he’d basically not got round to doing a piece of work he needed to get done and has to do it today instead).

It is torrential rain. I’m on my own while kids are at school. No plans. No one to see. Mulling over how I even made it to this birthday given everything that’s happened recently.

I was initially forgiving of DP and comforting of his distress at having let me down, but then I got angry and sent him some messages with both barrels. He’s v contrite but now I feel like I’ve been a bday prima-donna (something I detest in people).

So I guess I just wanted to ask if it would be unreasonable to be big-headed and actually openly request some birthday wishes from my fellow vipers? Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
golddustwomen · 11/06/2019 19:28

Happy birthday lovely lady!
Have a few Wine you deserve it!

ChocChocButtons · 11/06/2019 19:29

Happy Birthday 🥳

MustBeDreaming · 11/06/2019 19:30

Happy birthday, hope you have something really tasty for dinner and enjoy the fizz. :) Hopefully you've used up all the bad stuff that could happen for a while and have a much better year to look forward to!

maimainomai · 11/06/2019 19:41

Happy Birthday! I hope you have a fulfilling new life's year.

MissingPanda · 11/06/2019 20:21

Happy Birthday Smile

Hope the coming year is the complete opposite of the previous year and that you get everything you want FlowersCakeWine

RitmoRatmo · 11/06/2019 20:29

Thank you to all of you who continue to post the most incredible lovely kind messages. Wowsers, I’m starting to feel like a celeb! Grin

Was a lovely teatime, but sadly soured by DP (newish boyf) sending incessant messages, alternating between apologising and making excuses, and pressuring me into having him drop round whilst I’m putting kids to bed. I’m so exhausted after not sleeping last night (thanks to his midnight call cancelling our bday plans and then a couple of hours of wound-licking until 2am) and feeling shattered after the swimming (did a BIG distance Shock) and all the lovely socialising, so quite frankly his threatened visit doesn’t fill me with glee. I know it’ll all be heavy and raking everything over, and I just cba to do that tonight to fit with his schedule of when he wants it all sorted by.

Aaaaanyhow. We keep getting crossed wires on the WhatsApp whilst I was trying to get kids out bath & to bed. Which led to re-escalation of tension. I tried saying several times “Let’s both have separate early nights tonight and look forward to seeing eachother tomorrow night, when we’re both less tired and in better frames of mind and we’ll share the lovely fizz my friend Bee bought me” (paraphrasing but general gist). His responses were alternately meek/pushy/confusing/heartfelt/frosty etc. It’s dialled my anger and bday self-pity right back up to 9/10 again I can tell you!

In the end I’ve had to say I don’t want any more contact this eve as it’s in neither of our interests and is yet again threatening to derail the lovely bday I’ve had. Not heard anything back. But now I feel all jumpy that he might just turn up (he has form for romantic suprise arrivals/gestures) when all I want is to have a blissful evening to myself (bra off, feet up, first fizz of the evening poured etc). So a new Q for you lot: AIBU to request that we dial this crazy argument down a notch and I get to have a peaceful evening by myself? Or AIBU to prevent him from coming and making amends and soothing his anxiety about the whole thing and giving me my present which he has kindly bought me? Confused

OP posts:
WashingATiger · 11/06/2019 20:40

Ritmo, firstly Happy birthday! Glad you had a good day in the end.

I suggest texting the boyf goodnight, I'm going to bed early, speak tomorrow.
Then, lights off, curtains drawn and sit with bra off, jammies on, feet up and glass in hand! Enjoy your evening!

NottonightJosepheen · 11/06/2019 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stravapalava · 11/06/2019 21:02

Stick a film on in bed OP. Happy birthday!

mbosnz · 11/06/2019 21:07

What watchingtiger said, with bells on. This is your day. You don't have to appease him. Do what makes you feel good.

QuestionableMouse · 11/06/2019 21:10

Happy birthday. 😀 So sorry its been rubbish, treat yourself to something nice tomorrow. 😀

exitlight · 11/06/2019 21:12

Happy Birthday! CakeFlowersGin

camelfinger · 11/06/2019 21:15

Happy birthday, hope things start looking up for you soon. Enjoy your bubbles Smile

jarhead123 · 11/06/2019 21:27

Happy birthday love!

You’ve got this 👌🏻

GeorgeTheFirst · 11/06/2019 21:32

Tell him to bugger off

And if he carries on like this, dump him.

timeisnotaline · 11/06/2019 21:32

I hope you’re having a very peaceful evening to yourself and glad you salvaged the day! It’s not about him.

Snowfalling · 11/06/2019 21:40

He's trying to assuage his guilt. Ignore him. He should put his feelings to one side and respect your wishes. Don't let him ruin your birthday zen.

RitmoRatmo · 11/06/2019 21:50

Thanks you lot. Really helps to know I did the ‘right’ thing and wasn’t being out of order. Got incredibly frustrated with his pestering to come over, and not listening to me when I said I’d rather not. Ended up sending more forcefully-worded (but still not rude) messages than I otherwise would have and been feeling bad all eve since. Feel like I’ve kicked a puppy in the face and then stubbed a fag out in its eye.

Texted my closest best female friends and they all recommended I do the same as you’ve all said, so I’ve just opened the fizz and am taking it up to bed with crackers,
Stilton and strawberries. This level of decadence is UNHEARD of in this house!!! Grin

OP posts:
Hippychick78 · 12/06/2019 03:03

Your bed party sounds amazing, it's making my belly rubble.

Glad you stuck up for yourself instead of going down the appeasing route. He sounds like a right drama queen. It's his own fault for not doing his work on time 🤷‍♂️.

I wouldn't let it turn into a big further discussion/argument tomorrow either. Actions speak louder than words, so discuss, and then give him one more chance to spoil you (if you thin he deserves it)

Birdie6 · 12/06/2019 05:09

It's my birthday too ! I hope you have a happy day , and that things get better for you xxx

joyfullittlehippo · 12/06/2019 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/06/2019 10:53

Happy Birthday Ritmo

AryaStarkWolf · 12/06/2019 10:54

oop sorry didn't realise this was an older thread

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