Is my son's girlfriend lying?

[Emdu]

My 12 year old son has a girlfriend (of the same age) and I think she is lying to him. She has anxiety which she is open about and she seems very sweet though is quite demanding of his time and will call me if she can't get through to him. She called me 3 times on my way home from work the other day and it's less than a 15 minute journey! The thing is the explanation she has offered my son is that she was very good friends with a child star who died and this has made her anxious. I feel terrible but I don't believe her... my son has told me today that she also knew a girl who is 'more' famous and that she committed suicide because she was badly bullied. Alarm bells are ringing in my head. My son believes her wholeheartedly but I just can't see how this can be true. Do you think I should talk to her parents? I really don't know how to broach this and would grateful of any advice x

Ridiculous.

If a 12 year old rang me 3 times in 15 minutes I'd be contacting her parents and asking them to stop her contacting me. She sounds like she shouldn't have a phone.

I would not be facilitating my 12 year old son having a girlfriend for a start. He’s
12 FFS. He is a CHILD.

Do you think I should talk to her parents?

Yes.

12

Really?

unless OP comes back I'm saying wind up.

This sounds ridiculous intense and unhealthy for children aged 12. Perhaps suggest your son to cool the relationship and just be friends? Also make your boundaries clear that she cannot just call you to chase your son, you won't accept it. Your number is for emergency only.

I'm genuinely surprised that everyone is shocked that a 12 yr old would have a girlfriend. I had started to have boyfriends sometimes at that age. It doesn't mean that you have sex and go for weekends away together - it's probably more like closed mouth kissing, holding hands on the way home from school and buying each other a box of chocolates on Valentines Day. I know this particular girl is behaving oddly but is the idea of 12 yr Olds being interested in each other really so shocking?

Anyway, OP - why the hell is your son's 12yo girlfriend calling you repeatedly? That's ridiculous. Tell her not to call you anymore unless it's an emergency. Be strict about it. As for the lying... Not sure you can do much about that. You could always ask your son if he really believes her stories but I wouldn't do much more. I'd just stay out of it. They're 12, they'll probably only be going out for another week or so anyway. It's probably not good to set a precedent for getting involved in your son's relationships. That could get really unhealthy as he gets older.

Why are people saying "12? You mean 21? "

This is what narcissistic 12 year olds are like now, facilitated by social media and a whole culture that screams "Being a victim is the very best thing you can be! Everyone has to pity you and validate your feelings! Even better, become part of a (supposed) victim group and you can gang up on your oppressors!"

And indeed this is what 15 year olds, 18 year olds and a whole ton of grown adults believe and do these days.

Be prepared, OP, if you don't validate this girl's narcissistic fee-fees, to be called a bigot of some sort.

Or, if you're lucky enough to be in the sort of provincial town I grew up in, where common sense sometimes still prevails, slap this special princess upside the head and tell her to grow the fuck up.

ADropofReality wtf? You've diagnosed narcissism from a paragraph. It takes doctors a lot longer than that so you must be very special.

tell her to grow the fuck up she's a child.

OP Yes I think you should speak to her parents. I also think you should explain to your son why her behaviour us unacceptable and he doesn't need to be at her beck and call or always answerable to her.

So annoying. Things that really annoy me, An OP who posts and runs.

Why on earth are you even entertaining this relationship you silly woman? They are 12 year olds, they are friends and this girl is relying too heavily emotionally on your son and your allowing it. She certainly shouldn't have your number

@ADropofReality I find that MN users like you say with social media like to self label posters as being victims also. Many a time I've had to come off this site to have a breather from it as it winds the hell out of me. So much drama on here
Example: my husband smiled at me...OP this is emotional abuse, you must get away from this monster

Is it the school holidays already?

12?

Wow, some really nasty comments about a 12 year old child here who may have all kinds of issues in her life.

RIP empathy...

If this is real, I would do a number of things:

1. Talk to my son and help him put boundaries in place. He is far too young for the role of emotional crutch.
2. Call this girl’s parents and tell them what has been going on. Make sure they are aware that it is not acceptable for their daughter to call you when your son does not choose to answer his phone. Make it clear you will not answer the phone to her, and that you expect them to stop it.
3. Speak to the school about the girl’s level of anxiety and particularly her invention of ‘friends’ who died. This is ringing alarm bells for me. I would be concerned about self harm.

Oh FFS armchair diagnosing a 12 year old is a bit grim

I'm also surprised at posters being surprised kids of 12 don't have girlfriends/ boyfriends!

I wouldn't get involved in pre teen drama tbh , I'd talk to my son and allow him to come to the conclusion that she's probably telling porkies.

This is what narcissistic 12 year olds are like now

Oh dear, really?

This sounds like your little boy is having a bit too much put on him.

People won't like me for saying it but knowing what I sadly know now, I would not do anything to encourage a relationship between my son and someone very needy who was banging on about suicide. Certainly at 12 (!) you can fully intervene and would be right to do so.

It might be an idea to back it all off a bit gently.