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Original poster

School mum

39 replies

Surreymummy2013 · 10/06/2019 16:17

So i made friends with a school mum from reception, LO is now in year 1. During this time i have babysat for her, several times, for her kid thats the same age as mine as well as her 1 year old overnight a few times. And she is foreverrr asking me to get her kid from school as we live across the road from each other. This isnt about it being one sided because i just dont need her to pick up my kid im fine to get her. Its just that its alot and if im honest i dont want to do it, but i also dont want this to be the reason we fall out.
Today it was pouring down, and she called me when i was at the school gate because she was sat in her car and didnt want to get out her car. Shes done this before a few times and i just think its so cheeky. Ok i have to go to school, and her kid is in the same class and i go the same way home but i just want to chat to my kid after school without having to include someone else and if im honest i dont want to do it because it makes me resent her and i feel like it comes out in my face and her kid sees which isnt fair as shes just a kid. What do i doooo, i dont want the confrontation. Xx

OP posts:
FriarTuck · 10/06/2019 16:21

Wear headphones (you don't need to be listening to anything) so you 'can't' hear her. And with the requests for babysitting you use the Mumsnet favourite 'sorry, that doesn't work for me'. Pick up from school - 'sorry we're going somewhere after school' (and then when you come straight home and she asks 'DC wanted to come home instead')

PuppyMonkey · 10/06/2019 16:24

Did you go and get her child from the car when she called today?

Stop answering her calls and texts. Tell her you’re busy and can’t babysit. Break the CF habit OP.

formerbabe · 10/06/2019 16:24

If she messages you, ignore, then a few hours later, tell her you've just seen the message! Ignore the phone calls too...say you're phone was on silent. Distance yourself

LookMumNoFeet · 10/06/2019 16:24

CF alert! She's using you and is not a good friend. Good friends don't use people like this.
In future, don't pick up her calls (your phone was at home / your bag etc..)
Stop doing stuff for her because she's taking you for granted and things will only get worse.
Good luck :)

BlueMerchant · 10/06/2019 16:30

Don't reply to every demanding text or answer all her calls if you suspect it's picking child up from school related.
I'd also tell her you are busy/going out straight after picking up you DD from school.( I also hate confrontation so would be tempted to actually detour out to a coffee shop or the park with DD if she lived over the road so could see if I'd gone straight home). I think a few instances of you being busy and she'll indirectly get the message.

DrQuinn19 · 10/06/2019 16:39

If you're trying to avoid tension/confrontation just keep it really light and friendly. Have an excuse every time. "I can't, I might be a while, I'm staying behind to speak with teacher x".

"I'm not coming straight home so can't collect your dd for you."

You don't have to change your plans and not come home. Come home as normal and if she sees you and asks just say "yes I changed my plans" in a tone of voice that suggests you're surprised she's asking because it's not her business.

If you're always ready with an excuse she will stop asking.

CoraPirbright · 10/06/2019 16:41

The lazy bint didnt want to get out of her car?? So you had to escort her kid from the school to her parking place??

Did you walk? If so, PLEASE tell me that she offered you a lift home since you live opposite?!

Make sure you have her number saved in your phone (I suggest saving under the name “Cheeky Piss-taking Bint”) so that you can def identify her calls.....and then ignore if you need to. A cheery ‘oh sorry forgot the phone, left it on the kitchen table’ or ‘oh sorry had it on silent’ will suffice if she tackles you on it!!

Jeezoh · 10/06/2019 16:42

Just be less available, so don’t answer your phone until after pick up time, leave it a bit longer to reply to texts or turn it back on her and when she asks, tell her you were about to ring her to see if you could get your LO.

StCharlotte · 10/06/2019 16:43

Put your phone on silent around the time she usually messages then you can say in all honesty you missed her call. Maybe even leave your phone at home for school run time?

notmuchmoretogive · 10/06/2019 16:44

Poor you. You need to stop saying yes to babysitting and the raining thing is just bloody cheeky. Do not answer your phone to her.

If she doesn't get the message just be direct and say 'I don't mind helping out sometimes but not all the time, if feels like you're taking advantage and I do want flexibility to do what we want after school and spend time with my child'. Said nicely there's nothing wrong with that, if she takes offence then her friendship is no loss she was just using you.

notmuchmoretogive · 10/06/2019 16:45

You could give her a different phone ring so you know not to answer.

IrmaFayLear · 10/06/2019 16:52

Most of us in real life are afraid of confrontation/appearing rude. It's all very well for MNetters to trumpet useful phrases for getting rid of cheeky gits, but back in the real world it's embarrassing and the whole point of cheeky people is that they will make you feel bad.

So, as others have said, it's just best to be evasive. Invent a ballet/street dance/karate/handiwork class and say you can't pick up. Or don't pick up/reply and express surprise when the person asks if you got her text. "Oh, what? Oh, yes, just saw it. Oh, sorry! I had my phone turned off."

As for the babysitting, that's easy. "Oh, sorry, my mum might be coming over/Auntie Ethel/dp's old mate." Or even, "I have a headache."

HomeMadeMadness · 10/06/2019 16:56

I would probably just put my phone on silent at school pick up time so she's unable to ask you. If she asks in advance I'd just say "sorry I'm not sure what our plans are so can't commit to that". I have to say having her one year old over night is really big favour. Unless it was an emergency it was a bit cheeky to even ask that.

MorondelaFrontera · 10/06/2019 16:56

and she called me when i was at the school gate because she was sat in her car and didnt want to get out her car.

I love that!

It's very simple, ignore your phone.
Reply in 1 hour or 2 "oh sorry, didn't see that earlier"". And repeat.

ChewbaccaHutchinsCool · 10/06/2019 16:58

Time to use excuses and headphones so you can say you didn't hear your phone you need to start ignoring her.

donquixotedelamancha · 10/06/2019 16:58

Today it was pouring down, and she called me when i was at the school gate because she was sat in her car and didnt want to get out her car.

So i made friends with a school mum from reception

Nope. You did not make a friend, you made a CF.

What do i doooo, i dont want the confrontation.

Well, then. Do nothing. Don't have any self respect and be put upon forever (or until you overreact and become the bad guy).

Alternatively, grow a pair of ovaries and speak to her politely but firmly. It will either end the friendship (in which case, thank fuck) or put it on a more respectful basis.

What would you tell your child to do?

BurnedToast · 10/06/2019 16:59

I had this. I just stopped answering the calls and made myself less available. Most people won't actually ask why you're not answering the phone, but if they do just have an excuse to hand. Mine was that I kept forgetting to switch the volume on after switching it off at night. They got the message.

Thesuniscoming · 10/06/2019 17:00

Yes I have had this too.

Phone is on silent from now on, screen her calls and take at least two days to get back to her about everything. Be positively completely unreliable, at the same time stay friendly towards her.

You do not need to be used like this, and you will grow to really resent her in time. Nip it in the bud now. Avoid all calls and txts and when she does catch you (and she will eventually) be ready with your reasons, and do not give in.

She is a cf!

Paddingtonthebear · 10/06/2019 17:00

You should have replied “What?! Good one! Get out of the car you lazy mare! 😃”. And then ignore your phone any time around school pick ups for the rest of your life

rollingpine · 10/06/2019 17:00

If she was driving to the school, why didn't she offer to either take you there as well, or to pick up your dc and bring them home? She could have offered, and saved you the walk in the rain.

Dear me, she has a cheek.

Deadposhtory · 10/06/2019 17:00

Slowly distance yourself from her as she may cause trouble. Bit by bit until she gets the message

Fundays12 · 10/06/2019 17:00

Don’t answer her until hours later or leave your phone at home/in the car (or tell her you have). It’s not your job to get her child it’s her plus how must it make her little one feel knowing mum just doesn’t pick her up as she can’t be bothered getting out of the car?

Thesuniscoming · 10/06/2019 17:01

My cf friend did ask me why I never answered my phone, I just said I don't like being tied to a phone all of the time, and am modelling being a good example for my dc Grin she says tapping away furiously on the thread.

Pinkvoid · 10/06/2019 17:01

I’d either block her number or put your phone on silent/DND around school run time. That way if she calls or messages, you don’t hear it. If she asks why you didn’t respond, whoops my phone was on silent. Repeat until she gets the point.

I wouldn’t worry about losing this person, she’s a user.

Thesuniscoming · 10/06/2019 17:02

grow a pair of ovaries

Love that!!!

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