School mum

[Surreymummy2013]

So i made friends with a school mum from reception, LO is now in year 1. During this time i have babysat for her, several times, for her kid thats the same age as mine as well as her 1 year old overnight a few times. And she is foreverrr asking me to get her kid from school as we live across the road from each other. This isnt about it being one sided because i just dont need her to pick up my kid im fine to get her. Its just that its alot and if im honest i dont want to do it, but i also dont want this to be the reason we fall out.
Today it was pouring down, and she called me when i was at the school gate because she was sat in her car and didnt want to get out her car. Shes done this before a few times and i just think its so cheeky. Ok i have to go to school, and her kid is in the same class and i go the same way home but i just want to chat to my kid after school without having to include someone else and if im honest i dont want to do it because it makes me resent her and i feel like it comes out in my face and her kid sees which isnt fair as shes just a kid. What do i doooo, i dont want the confrontation. Xx

I agree. Stop answering your phone at pick up time. Don't look at texts. ignore her. She's a CF.

Unfortunately, people like her will always take advantage of nice people like you. But let’s face it, you’re going to have to grow a pair of lady balls. Of course you don’t want confrontation. Of course you don’t want to cause a row... but do you think she’s really your friend? She’s not - she’s a user.

Are you seriously saying that you delivered someone's child to their car after they said they didn't want to get out in the rain? If you agree to things like that then I dread to think what else you've done for her. Learn to say no.

Only thing is to stop answering your phone to her. If she leaves a voicemail take your time if you want to ring her back - and tell her you only heard it the next day. If she sends a whatsapp don't open it for a few hours so she will see you only read it much later. If your phone rings while you are on your way to school ignore it. Don't even bother to take it out of your pocket/bag til you're on your way home so she can't pull a lazy ass stunt like today. You really need to distance yourself from her and stop minding her kids full stop. Why would you even agree to having them overnight?

I have this! Lives in my street so can see I'm not home and seems utterly unable to grasp the fact that she cannot fit a visit to the supermarket in after work and still get to school on time, so was late - and texting me to do the pick up - every. single. week.!

I started 'forgetting' my phone when I did the school run.

Unfortunately, people like her will always take advantage of nice people like you

I had a new neighbour who actually said to me "You're really nice, easy to take advantage of I would think" after I helped her out with a few things when she moved in. She soon learned that my 'kindness' was not weakness after she tried to take the piss out of me. She moved away after a short while, thank goodness.

I would develop a reputation for being unreliable on the phone. Create a VIP setting so only calls from certain people come through. Read messages on the WhatsApp preview without opening them and get very slow and crap at replying.

It is hard to take advantage of someone if you can't contact them

You transported her dd for the car so she didn’t get wet, is that right?

Can you let me know where you got the teleportation devise from that allows you not to get wet? I want one.

Its amazing how people like her can make you feel unreasonable for not doing their shit. Got a similar one going with a sports activity...child telling me she can go to training is 'somebody' takes her as her parents refuse. Very easy to get sucked in.

As everyone else says, become unavailable while smiling.

I would also go down the route of replying late and/or saying I’ve started keeping my phone on silent so it’s less of a distraction etc (I genuinely do keep my phone on silent as phone alerts really annoy me). You could also say you don’t always take it out with you etc. And if she asks further in advance then just say you’ve got other plans. Good luck. It’s awkward dealing with people like this when you live so close.

I have this exact same problem op. My neighbour over the road constantly asks me to take her dd's. mine is in year 3, hers are in year 1 and year 5 and dd is super close to them and I adore them too but it's the expectation that bothers me.

There are 3 of us with dc in the same school so I drew up a rota and it lasted 2 weeks!
It's just easier all round to get your own dc ( which I know you want to do anyway ) and I could see our situation ending up in an argument which I didn't want as our families are all pretty close but it seemed to be me and other non cheeky friend doing the majority of the school runs whilst cheeky friend stayed in her pj's and went back to bed.

I've been a lot more assertive lately and it's surprisingly easy once you start. I said once to another neighbour "don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am far from weak. I will help anyone if I can and want to but it's on my terms. These types need telling straight.

Good luck!
Nip it in the bud now as you will have the same problem right through primary.

My kids are over 18 now........new friendly neighbour with 4 kids kept hinting about me babysitting.
I just replied one day well dont ever ask me,Ive been there,done that....she was a bit taken aback but the hints have stopped.

Just say to your friend ....your kids are lovely but I just dont have any interest in looking after other peoples kids.
What can she say to that.

I had a similar problem with a mum who lived in my street. She kept asking for school favours too. In the end I just kept my phone on silent and wouldn't reply until hours later saying, "sorry didn't see your message. Phones on silent." If she asked me to take her child home with mine, I would say sorry I'm not going home today. Off to my mum's/Sainsburys/need to see the teacher/the school office/gp appojntment/dentist. But because she lived in my street I had to go elsewhere for 30 minutes, so she didn't see me! Thankfully she got the hint and stopped asking. Shes moved away now.

Yes to becoming really vague with your phone and just not responding straight away