To feel guilty about spending money?

[plugadaptor]

DP and I have decent jobs and support. However, I always feel guilty spending money on “luxuries”, such as clothes or maybe a flight somewhere, etc. I buy all my
clothes off ebay (brands like reiss etc), and live fairly frugally. If we go out for a drink and a cocktail costs £10 I feel awful for spending that money. But I shouldn’t! I’m always thinking about what if I lost my job or what else could I buy.
If I go to the shop, I’d rather eat a sandwich for £2 that I dislike than £4 that I like.

Does anyone else feel guilty about spending above what is necessary?

I personally think this stems from being a teenager and being SKINT and earning every damn penny I spent on clothes etc. Any decision I used to make regarding spending money was heavily judged by my (Jewish) grandmother, with her telling me it’s a waste and I should save. (This is despite her being a millionaire...)

I can't be the only one ?

Nope I sometimes feel like this too. Rarely spend any money, will go hungry if the feeling of spending is worse than the feeling of hunger. It’s not all the time and I’m not starving to death or anything! Definitely worse when my income is low though and when I’m on a slow work period.

I’d love to go and buy some lovely clothes but can’t often bring myself to do it :-(

Why do you state your grandmother was Jewish?

Same. We have a six figure salary coming in yet I buy all my clothes from charity shops and most of our food is Lidl, Aldi and the reduced section of the CoOp and the local M&S in the petrol station. I know it’s weird but it also stems from being very short of money for a large potion of my life.

And the anxiety about spending money when going out!! I mean sometimes I do it because I can afford it and know I will enjoy myself in the end but I always end up thinking ‘how can you justify spending that!?’ as my first thought!

Yep. I buy everything off eBay, despite being able to afford it full-price. I tell myself it's ethical spending, when in fact it's probably just a hangover to teenage years where I had nothing new, and a sense that I'm some sort of imposter who doesn't deserve new things.

I’m the same, me and dh have around £850 each disposable income a month
He spends I save
I take lunch from home to work or buy a sandwich reduced to 25 or 50p, I go straight to the sale rail in primark I begrudge paying full price.
I reuse and mend things, everything seems like such a waste of money
I do feel like I’m missing out, DH spends money on his hobby, coffees and snacks out, goes out for a few beers etc but I feel like it’s a waste
We keep our money separate so we can do what we like with it, I’m always looking for a bargain, a discount code and never pay full price for anything
I think mine stems from being a skint teenage mum, i was so used to counting the pennies, making money stretch and I just keep on doing it, I don’t know how to stop it so if you find out let me know!

Yes I completely feel the same! Lately I have been trying to relax a little bit as it’s ridiculous to feel so guilty about money. We both work so hard for our money, but for some reason I feel terrible guilt associated with spending it. I always feel guilty when it comes to family members who are struggling for money. Some of DH’s family are struggling at the moment and it makes me feel really bad even though they could choose to earn more, they just don’t want to. (Strange situation).

I’ve really tried to change my behaviour with money to think that we won’t be around forever so we should enjoy having it while we’re here. It definitely comes from a childhood of being broke and getting into debt in my early twenties. Learned some valuable life lessons about credit cards! I know I’ll never end up in that position again but equally I still need to relax a bit.

There's a good answer to this...give your money to me and I'll bear the guilt for you.

PM me for my account details

How funny, I'm just the same and also was skint as a kid. It must be a feeling that just never goes away. DH is from a more comfortable background and is happy to part with his cash; I sometimes feel bad for him as he knows I have my beady little eye on him while he's doing it!

I am in the exact same position. My DP is constantly telling me to stop "being so tight" as he calls it and marches me out of Primark when I want to go shopping in there.... we spent most of a early twenties absolutely SKINT living off £3 a week for food some months, so I feel like I can't get out of the mentality of putting every last penny in to savings. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but when I'm sitting there getting anxious and agonising over a bank statement I have to give myself a bit of a talking to- Monzo is bad for it, made me much more paranoid about my spending!

I dint think that’s unusual but buying a sandwich you dint like because it’s a bit cheaper than the one you do like is going too far imo.

If you have some children, I’d be weary of the effect this has on them.
H is like this, hates spending money etc...
Whilst I’m certainly not the type to spend money right, left and centre, I also appreciate that sometimes you DO have to spend money. That buying something you enjoy and need is different than mindless buying etc...

The issue I have is that now, out teenage children are absorbed H way of looking at things and will not tell me they need because they are too small just because ‘spending money isn’t good’.
FWIW, nowadays , I ask them to tell me what they need and I go out with them wo H to buy what they need. I’m worried this will stay with them though....

Why do you state your grandmother was Jewish?

I'm wondering the same.

If we go out for a drink and a cocktail costs £10 I feel awful for spending that money

I wouldn’t spend £10 on a cocktail, no. I would rather buy a sensibly-priced drink! I buy most of my clothes from eBay (with some H+M basics and supermarket bits thrown in!), I drive a second hand car, borrow books from the library, do my own DIY and don’t generally throw money around.

I do like the odd takeaway though!

Sorry the reference to my bubbe, was for cultural contexts--> both historical and religious. (Her parents were from a poor Eastern European shtetl)

Jewish? Why mention that?

Like other people here we have a salary in the 6 figures too. DP who grew up comfortably off can sometimes convince me to spend a bit more .

Hahaha--- my Jewish father, very well off by the time he had me, had this attitude, OP. We saved and scrimped on all the small things, but he was incredibly generous on all the big things- gave away SO much, and paid for education (US University so $$$) for lots of relatives. Anyone who has Jewish European parents or grandparents from the wartime generation will recognise this attitude. You people smelling anti-semitism go look elsewhere! We are allowed to reminisce and comment on our beloved parents' quirks and foibles.

I'm a bit the same. We have a six figure household income but no one would ever know it!
Sometimes I go mad and spend on stuff like my kitchen mixer which cost £££ and I hardly use it.
It mostly I don't spend on much at all.
We used to be skint. I remember that all too well.

Yep, I'm not Jewish, but I'm a child of poor immigrants and I understand, OP.

The importance of saving for the big things (a house etc) was lauded and spending on clothes, treats, etc was wasteful.

I'm glad I have the ability to save, but I have to always remind myself that I deserve treats and that life is short and for the living.

Anyone who has Jewish European parents or grandparents from the wartime generation will recognise this attitude. You people smelling anti-semitism go look elsewhere! We are allowed to reminisce and comment on our beloved parents' quirks and foibles.

Agree. I understood the OP's Jewish reference straight away and found the "why are you saying she's Jewish?" comments a bit tiresome.

Forgot to add, yes OP, I get this guilt too. I think it is quite common. Quite often if I am out supermarket shopping I will skip a few things on the shopping list if I think I have spent enough Can cause a bit of a hassle if we needed it for a particular recipe, so I know it is counter-productive but can't help it.

DH, on the other hand, had a much poorer upbringing to mine, but he will get everything on the list and he will not bat an eyelid at the price. I think it stems from the fact that my background was always very much "don't spend too much, you need to be saving for x,y and z" and always trying to better ourselves. DH's family were a lot more content with their lot and had no aspirations. Therefore, if they wanted something and they have the money to buy it, they will buy it because they think "well, why not?"

I struggle to spend more than £10 on a single item of clothing. Simply because that’s how much I was always given as a teenager.

I don’t spend money just because I have it, but to choose food you don’t like because it’s cheaper is probably going too far.

Yanbu op. I'm the same. Grew up very poor, life turned around massively now. Can literally buy almost anything without price checking. But I still find it so hard to spend. Think the way I grew up deeply affected me.