Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To feel guilty about spending money?

41 replies

plugadaptor · 10/06/2019 13:59

DP and I have decent jobs and support. However, I always feel guilty spending money on “luxuries”, such as clothes or maybe a flight somewhere, etc. I buy all my
clothes off ebay (brands like reiss etc), and live fairly frugally. If we go out for a drink and a cocktail costs £10 I feel awful for spending that money. But I shouldn’t! I’m always thinking about what if I lost my job or what else could I buy.
If I go to the shop, I’d rather eat a sandwich for £2 that I dislike than £4 that I like.

Does anyone else feel guilty about spending above what is necessary?

I personally think this stems from being a teenager and being SKINT and earning every damn penny I spent on clothes etc. Any decision I used to make regarding spending money was heavily judged by my (Jewish) grandmother, with her telling me it’s a waste and I should save. (This is despite her being a millionaire...)

OP posts:

MissKittyBeaudelais · 10/06/2019 16:12

You’ve grown up this way and by and large, it’s good advice “don’t fritter away money/do save for that rainy day”. However, you’ve taken it to such a degree that it’s causing you stress.

Some counselling? I used to be this way (still am to an extent) and became quite slavish to doing without. I’m not lavish now, far from it, but you sound as though you need someone to tell you it’s ok to spend your hard earned money. You don’t.

As long as you don’t throw money away and end up in debt....I’d say treat yourself from time to time. It’s healthy.

Isatis · 10/06/2019 16:31

Seems to me that eating a sandwich you dislike is much more of a waste of money than spending a little more on one that you like.

HollowTalk · 10/06/2019 16:38

Someone who doesn't like spending money is hardly going to spend £40+ per hour discussing it!

Antigon · 10/06/2019 16:44

@HollowTalk you'd be surprised!

ginghamtablecloths · 10/06/2019 16:55

Many of us feel guilty about spending money if we have a history of being hard up. Maybe you're scared of going back there.

OTOH you can't take it with you. What's the point of feeling miserable and stingy?

I'd sooner buy a loaf of bread and make a sandwich with nice ingredients as that really does save money.

Asta19 · 10/06/2019 17:15

I grew up poor but my spending is a bit erratic. I won’t pay for things I can do myself so I wouldn’t have a cleaner, decorator, anything like that. I also don’t bother with beauty treatments and the like. Those things come into the category of money wasting to me. With clothes I do buy decent quality but I don’t have a lot of clothes overall. However, I do buy nice food, wine, coffee out if I fancy it etc, and I certainly don’t feel guilty!

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 10/06/2019 17:27

My parents both came from a once communist state and defected to the west to avoid arrest by the secret police. Once here they found it difficult to get their heads around the fact that there was so much choice, so they would splurge and then feel guilty and we'd go back to living on bread and water for a while. It took them about 30 odd years to really adjust to being well off (both were doctors) and only now, after my mother died, has my father really started enjoying his life and going out, visiting friends etc.

During my first marriage my husband and I were desperately saving every penny for fertility treatment which u,timately didn't work. Looking back we missed out on so many things and rarely seemed to spend time together, having fun. Now I'm left with no children and no husband and I wonder what it was all for? So have decided to hell with saving and being frugal, I'm going to enjoy my life!

JonSnowsFurCoat · 10/06/2019 17:34

I get it. My family are Indian immigrants and have much the same attitudes. I was raised by my grandmother who (despite being wealthy) lived very frugally. She never wasted anything and clothes were worn and patched up until they were on their last legs. We never wanted for anything but she also didn’t splash the cash, even when she could. She taught us to save and by the time I was 18, I had enough to see me through uni without having to get a loan.

I think that’s stayed with me. I’ll also find myself getting stuff that’s in the sale or reduced, even if I don’t particularly like it. It’s like I can’t bring myself to but anything full price 😂

BananaCatto · 10/06/2019 17:37

I hear you. I’ve been homeless as a child so I struggle to justify spending money

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 10/06/2019 17:53

I'm very much like this. I guess that I sometimes feel 'guilty' at my comfortable life.

It definitely doesn't come from being skint though as I can't say that I ever have been

Inferiorbeing · 10/06/2019 17:58

I'm like this whereas DP will happily spend every last penny of his pay check (he does put aside at least £250 a month). Mine is to do with anxiety and the need to have a financial support. Luckily with time I am getting better, I was determined to reach a certain amount of savings and now I am there i let myself have extra treats!

hopeishere · 10/06/2019 18:09

The thing about this is people who really can't afford stuff can't buy it because people who are tight careful are buying it. So a single parent on a tiny budget is losing out to someone on a six figure salary.

Buying a sandwich you don't like is ridiculous and being a bit of a martyr.

DitheringBlidiot · 10/06/2019 18:12

I don’t have lots of money, but enough to live fairly comfortable within the life style I enjoy for the most part. I know what you mean but I’m more swayed to the idea that I only like paying what something is worth. For example, I wouldn’t pay £4 for a shop bought sandwich because I don’t think any of them are worth it but I wouldn’t feel guilty spending £120 on a coat or a nice pair of boots if they were good staples. Most of my clothes are from the charity shops to be fair though

DrPeppersPhD · 10/06/2019 18:13

I go through phases of spending absolutely no money, then phases of buying unnecessary things and beating myself up about it. We didn't have all that much growing up, though we always had enough, but my mum would always go on about how expensive I was, how much I cost her, how much she went without to give me things (usually that I never asked for or even wanted), I think it very much stems from a combination of not feeling like I deserve nice things and of buying material things to somehow make up for the fact that I never felt like I was loved.

LizzieMacQueen · 10/06/2019 18:59

I can be a bit like this. It's the 'thrill' of getting a bargain, that hunting instinct deep down in us.

A useful thing I do is look at the marginal cost of things so I can justify spending (for example) £90 on a pair of sandals when the £45 pair are perfectly adequate because the extra £45 is affordable.

Meangirls36 · 11/06/2019 10:08

You are worth the expensive sandwich. But tbh Sandwiches from the shop are gross. I'd get myself a spiffy lunch box and get some luxury sandwich ingredients from Aldi. My mum always says not to buy anymore clothes. No I don't have any trousers and I have one pair of shoes and no jumpers. What do you really want to buy? If I want something I bookmark it then think about it for a couple of days if I still want it and can afford it I get it. I'm gonna treat myself to some Clinique make up boxes with free make up bags and they have a sale on. But I freaking love a bargain and charity shops got a pair of M and S pyjamas the other day I used to have the same pair in the same size new and I wore them out. These were £3.50! You don't have to go over board to have a good time. For example getting a decent espresso machine might be eye wateringly expensive (£750) but soo would be going to a coffee shop everyday.

Flip

1 2