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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to let nearly 16 y/o DD watch GoT?

115 replies

Funkyslippers · 10/06/2019 08:51

I just watched 1st episode alone, it was as I suspected quite violent & sexual. DD is desperate to watch it. I watched similar things when I was her age but I was a bit more mature.

What's it generally like? I'm assuming an awful lot of sex & violence?

Thanks

OP posts:
catsmother · 10/06/2019 14:06

Streetwise ... do you honestly think that just because you don't see rape in a 'hard core' sense (to paraphrase what you said) it's not horrific and disturbing. Sansa's rape was made all the more nasty by Theon's (enforced and unwilling) voyeurism. We did not need to see the act itself to feel the terror in that room. There are several 'casual' verbal references to rape throughout .... as I said before, in keeping with the norms of that fantastical universe, but perhaps beyond the rationale of many minors who could find that concept frightening. There is an early scene of Dothraki raping women before Dany steps in. Brienne is threatened with rape before Jaime intervenes. All of Craster's 'wives' (daughters - young girls!) by the nature of their relationship have been raped. Meryn Trant, a paedophile, asks for ever younger children in the brothel .... i.e. more rape ... before Ayra face changes to kill him. Jon kills one of his own men in King's Landing who is intent on rape. That's off the top of my head.

So the fact you ask 'rape, is there?' is really quite gobsmacking. It suggests those scenes just washed over you. I really don't want to expose my child to that while she may not have the emotional intelligence to process it without feeling overly disturbed.

FishCanFly · 10/06/2019 14:11

Would you let your children do drugs just because there's a chance they night so them anyway?
there is a vast difference between a popular tv show and an illegal substance.

Fibbke · 10/06/2019 14:13

My teens ask my advice on whether they should watch something that looks horrible. I say no or yes and they listen to me. They are the same with drugs and booze. Its not massively complicated in our house tbh.

RussianSpamBot · 10/06/2019 14:17

I live in an area where drugs are more freely available than the average, but even then, there's much easier access to free wifi than there is to narcotics. And free wifi somewhere is all she's likely to need to watch GOT. It's all available (illegally often) online.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to talk to her about why you don't feel it's suitable, if that's what you decide on, but if she's sufficiently up for watching it, she's going to.

aPengTing · 10/06/2019 14:28

My teens ask my advice on whether they should watch something that looks horrible. I say no or yes and they listen to me. They are the same with drugs and booze. Its not massively complicated in our house tbh

That’s what my parents thought too and most of my friends parents..

CassianAndor · 10/06/2019 14:29

Much as I love Twilight, I hardly think the central message of it is a good one for teenage girls either!

BertrandRussell · 10/06/2019 14:31

I wouldn’t have Twilight in the house either!

MrsCharlesBrandon · 10/06/2019 14:36

DD1 is a very mature and cynical 15. She's watched it this year. DD2 is almost 14 and far more innocent. there's no way she'd be ready at 15.

I think an awful lot depends on the child, DD1 is far more freaked out by psychological horror than the obvious stuff.

StreetwiseHercules · 10/06/2019 14:52

“Streetwise ... do you honestly think that just because you don't see rape in a 'hard core' sense (to paraphrase what you said) it's not horrific and disturbing. Sansa's rape was made all the more nasty by Theon's (enforced and unwilling) voyeurism. We did not need to see the act itself to feel the terror in that room. There are several 'casual' verbal references to rape throughout .... as I said before, in.....”

Such dishonestly. I said that the show doesn’t feature hard core sex. I didn’t use the term “hard core” in relation to rape. But you knew that.
Game of thrones does not contain any hard core sex scenes at all.

I also said that to counter claims that it’s full of rape scenes that this isn’t true. It isn’t. I can think of only one on screen.

Those who say that they wouldn’t “let” their teen kids watch it, for these reasons, would you stop them from reading the books? I doubt it.

CassianAndor · 10/06/2019 14:54

MrsCharles there's quite a lot of psychological fuckery in GoT though! That's Ramsay's raison d'etre, isn't it?? You'd have to be very cynical indeed to not be horrified by what he did to Theon and Sansa, to an extent I'd be pretty concerned about in a teenager.

CassianAndor · 10/06/2019 14:56

Streetwise yes, it does. You seem to think that unless it's actual porn it's not hardcore. For a mainstream TV show it is very hard core.

StreetwiseHercules · 10/06/2019 15:04

“For a mainstream TV show it is very hard core.”

No it isn’t. That’s a complete myth. It is not more hard core than scenes in True Blood or any other HBO show. Just because the sex scenes have actual nudity doesn’t make them hard core.

MrsCharlesBrandon · 10/06/2019 15:05

Cassian I'm aware. We'd discussed it both before and after, and we were confident she'd be able to handle it. We wouldn't have agreed otherwise and she may have watched it regardless.

Fibbke · 10/06/2019 15:17

aPengTing yes people love to jump in and say my kids are doing all sorts behind my back. They aren't- well, not to any great extent - and even if they are smoking weed and watching violent porn at least we've discussed it openly before hand they arent

Some teens are just not that interested in doing the opposite of what their parents say.

CassianAndor · 10/06/2019 15:30

Streetwise - I would also say that True Blood was hard core (more so in fact than GoT). Again - just because it's been normalised doesn't mean it isn't hard core, or suitable for 15 year olds.

You really are proving this point over and over.

StreetwiseHercules · 10/06/2019 15:31

“StreetwiseHercules, since you're a bit of a strange bloke, maybe you've been watching so much porn you're desensitised to sexual scenes, but there is a LOT of sex and more rapes than Sansa's. Why do you only appear on threads about sex and women's issues?”

Personal attack, and your claim is not true.

Fyette · 10/06/2019 15:45

DrinkSangriaInThePark - but I wouldn't be unhappy with DD watching GoT at that age, even if I would like to ensure it is not mindless consumption that she is doing but that she is interrogating the things she sees. I cannot shield her from toxic narratives, and there are far more insidious ones out there than Game of Thrones anyway. Watching it together or at least open communication about the show is the best I can do for her there!

Doing alcohol or drugs is a different matter, as that would literally damage her, no matter how you frame it. And yeah, if she is desperate to try I would not be able to stop that either, but I am certainly not going to encourage it in my house!

NannyRed · 10/06/2019 15:53

Lots of violence, hideous, cruel violence. Lots of sex, lots of tits, lots of bums, some fannies and even a few cock n ball scenes and some swearing.
I think 16 year olds should be able to handle it, unless they are very delicate.
I’d let mine watch it at that age, in fact my 15 granddaughter is enjoying it again.

StreetwiseHercules · 10/06/2019 16:09

“ I would also say that True Blood was hard core ”

It really isn’t. What on earth of hard core about the sex scenes on true blood. It’s more like cartoon sex with the super fast vampires!

Fibbke · 10/06/2019 16:18

Ok Hercules we get it. Not quite sure who you think you are telling people what they think of as hardcore sex on tv is wrong. Well aren't you just the wordly chap Hmm

chitofftheshovel · 10/06/2019 16:36

For me, I am preparing my daughter for the wider world. I would actually encourage programmes that encourage honest and open discussion about some of the darker stuff that goes on in the big wide world.

Rape is, unfortunately, a very real danger to our daughters. It is possible that by watching programmes like GoT it will help them to develop boundaries and realise that they are not invincible.

LennyBelardo · 10/06/2019 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 10/06/2019 16:43

I couldn’t control what my children watched at that age either. I could control what went on in my house though........

Tfoot75 · 10/06/2019 17:20

I can remember watching sex and the city and queer as folk in my room late at night at a similar age. May not be same thing but I watched it cos my friends were watching it, just something to talk about. My parents didn't know what I was watching I turned it off it they came upstairs. Anyway I'm a game of thrones fan and have never watched the head crushing moment, there's plenty of warning to look away if you aren't comfortable! Same with the sex scenes. It's clearly fantasy so don't think it has same effect as similar scenes in TV set in 'our world'. I think at 15 most of your character has already formed and what you watch on TV at that point isn't going to influence how you turn out.

catsmother · 10/06/2019 17:32

Streetwise ... do you honestly think that just because you don't see rape in a 'hard core' sense (to paraphrase what you said) it's not horrific and disturbing. Sansa's rape was made all the more nasty by Theon's (enforced and unwilling) voyeurism. We did not need to see the act itself to feel the terror in that room. There are several 'casual' verbal references to rape throughout .... as I said before, in.....”

Such dishonestly. I said that the show doesn’t feature hard core sex. I didn’t use the term “hard core” in relation to rape. But you knew that.
Game of thrones does not contain any hard core sex scenes at all.

I also said that to counter claims that it’s full of rape scenes that this isn’t true. It isn’t. I can think of only one on screen.

Those who say that they wouldn’t “let” their teen kids watch it, for these reasons, would you stop them from reading the books? I doubt it.

Streetwise ... you've clearly not read my previous post properly. I never said you'd used the term 'hard core'. In fact, as stated, I was paraphrasing your use of 'soft core' to defend your belief that the sex in GoT wasn't graphic.

In turn, I was trying to illustrate that we do not need to see ultra explicit (i.e. 'hard core') sex scenes in order to be shocked or horrified by them. Not in a 'disgusted of Tunbridge Wells' sense but because they are non consensual and/or violent and/or incestuous and/or underage. As an adult who is well versed in all things GoT related I wasn't surprised by such scenes but they still had an emotional impact which I personally wouldn't wish to impose on a teenage child who isn't as worldly wise as me and who could potentially be very upset by such concepts being brought to life.

Nothing I said was dishonest thank you very much so cut the snark.

As to there 'only' being one rape scene on screen that is patently untrue. I mentioned a number of examples previously .... Jaime/Cersei, Ramsay/Sansa, Dothraki raiders attacking Lhazareen women, a Northern soldier attacking a woman in the battle for King's Landing. And I gave further examples where rape is very clearly implied as it involved children FFS .... Craster's wife-daughters, and Meryn Trant's pedophlic demands in the brothel. The whole point I was trying to make was that you don't have to see rape in all its horrific reality for it to exist within the story and be very clearly signposted. You seem utterly determined to minimise this aspect of the GoT story for god knows what reason which feels quite disturbing.

As for the books ... no, absolutely not. For similar reasons as already discussed. In many respects the books are more explicit.