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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Chicken pox and nursery - AIBU / WWYD?

71 replies

SinkGirl · 09/06/2019 19:15

Please help me settle an argument with DH.

Our twins (2.5) go to nursery three mornings a week (Monday, Thursday, Friday).

DT1 very obviously has chicken pox. It has been going round nursery for a couple of months. Noticed two blisters on his face on Friday. He now has lots, although he’s being an absolute trooper. No distress, no scratching yet, barely a temp.

DT2 has been under the weather and grumpy for four days now. Not sleeping well, not eating well. Getting upset over nothing. I really expected him to have blisters by now but there aren’t any. Thought he was getting one by the side of his mouth but was actually a little cut I think.

We’ve had so many bugs since they started nursery in January. So it seems likely to me he’s coming down with the dreaded chickenpox, but it could just be a cold brewing.

I say we shouldn’t send him to nursery tomorrow because he probably has chicken pox and if so he’d be contagious already.

DH says that we shouldn’t keep him off because he might have chicken pox since it could take two to three weeks for him to actually get it from his twin.

WWYD? I take his point, and I know DT1 would have been contagious when he was there Thursday and Friday, but we didn’t know that then and I wouldn’t have sent him if I’d known.

Just so there are no drip feeds, both boys have ASD and DT2 has hypoglycaemia (his sugars have actually been high which is a sign of a bug coming). They’re non verbal so they can’t tell me how they’re feeling. I think they’re the last kids at nursery to get it, but I don’t think that makes a difference.

OP posts:
arganlady · 13/06/2019 13:06

In three cases I've seen over the years a sibling cake down with it exactly 21 days after the first kid.

Made for a fun summer in the US confined to a house the whole time as the CDC quarantined us as we were treated like lepers.

MzHz · 13/06/2019 13:17

Sorry, anyone who uses 110% to attempt to justify their position loses all credibility.

You’re wrong.

MzHz · 13/06/2019 13:25

Also, when my ds got it, He got it via the sister of a baby who had it. He never ever touched the little boy, I don’t think he ever even saw the baby as the poor thing was in a car seat and didn’t come out while his sister was dropped off. He did spend a good deal of time with the girl though and she’d already had it so didn’t come down with it herself.

Emmabryant123 · 13/06/2019 13:28
Hmm Ok
MRex · 13/06/2019 13:32

If the kids are in nursery and not vaccinated then I'd presume their parents want them to catch chickenpox asap and it's not really worth worrying about so send him in if he doesn't have spots. It's tricky for those under 13 months who can't have the vaccine, but if that were my child and I was worried about it then i would have picked a childminder for such a young age to reduce the number of illnesses. (Disclaimer that I vaccinated, £135 seemed like the standard cost everywhere.)

Anyone could have got in a shared lift at work and passed on chickenpox, it's hardly a rare disease so two "unexplained" cases doesn't mean it's suddenly likely that the virus has made the leap to transferring via clothing.

DoneLikeAKipper · 13/06/2019 13:37

You’re wrong.

No they’re not. The only way to conclusively say you caught CP third hand is if your colleague was literally the only person you came into contact with that month. Otherwise, if you went out and about, commuting, shopping, around any children (even if they seemed healthy), the extremely high chances are you caught it from them. You only have to be in the same room for 15 minutes with someone who’s contagious to catch it, that’s easily a bus ride or a long queue wait in Tesco’s next to a pox-ready human you’re unaware of.

SinkGirl · 15/06/2019 13:12

I didn’t realise people were still replying to this.

Firstly:
I stand by my original comment, which I see you had deleted, so not ridiculous at all. To me it's part of having a childs costs.

I didn’t have anything deleted, I didn’t report your post, so someone else (at least one) must clearly have thought it was out of line.

Fine, you didn’t have £60k cash. You clearly had £60k worth of assets at least. Do you think people should only have children if they own property and have a lot of assets?

We were cautious and made sure we had enough money for a child before we had one. We didn’t expect to have two at once and we definitely didn’t expect for them both to have disabilities which would take up all of my time and prevent me from going back to work, at least until they’re at school (and probably not even then unless I can do something very flexible - I’m working on that now).

I don’t have a single mum friend in real life who has paid for the chicken pox vaccination, especially those with twins. A few people in my twin group have, usually after seeing how much of an issue it has caused for other twin parents. Over the last three months every other kid at nursery has come down with it, clearly none were vaccinated and there’s been plenty of time to do it. Certainly where I live it’s not common, which is why I haven’t been able to arrange a vaccination for the other twin since DT1 came down with it - there are two places that offer it and the earliest appointment was next Friday, I’ll be amazed if he doesn’t have it by then.

As I said, I’d planned to do it once DT1’s DLA came through, which typically happened on the very day he first came out with spots.

DT2 was off on Monday but went to nursery on Thursday and Friday this week as he still has no signs of the virus, as agreed with the nursery who said there was no point keeping him off unless he was clearly unwell, especially as it has been present in the nursery for months now.

DT1 has been really unwell with it and has an infection. We had to take him to the doctors and we kept him outside until called in then took his straight to the room and straight home. Didn’t take him into the pharmacy. Haven’t taken him outside apart from the appointment for over a week now. DH has worked from home and I have rescheduled meetings from my very part time job. We are not taking it lightly in the least.

It does seem like DT2 didn’t pick it up at the same time as DT1 so likelihood is he will have caught it from him, which means another week or two until he develops the spots. Any sign of illness at all and I’ll keep him off nursery just to be safe.

If the kids are in nursery and not vaccinated then I'd presume their parents want them to catch chickenpox asap

I don’t think this is necessarily true - like I say, I don’t know anyone locally who’s paid to vaccinate against it, I don’t think they particularly want their kids to get it, they just accept that they will. I think there’s a general feeling that if it were important to vaccinate then the NHS would do it, even though the reality is more complex than that obviously.

If I could go back I’d make different choices, but here we are.

OP posts:
MRex · 15/06/2019 15:08

Sorry you're having such a rough time. Totally understand why you were waiting, my point was more general regarding the other parents in the nursery; if they don't plan to vaccinate then it's as well for the children to get chickenpox early.

SinkGirl · 15/06/2019 15:18

Absolutely agree. I have been worrying about pregnant women / those with immune system issues so we’ve been very cautious with DT1, but frankly the nursery has been a pox breeding ground for months now! I’m amazed it took so long for mine to pick it up, especially DT2 - the fact he hasn’t caught it there is baffling, especially since he had a chewer. Maybe he won’t get it at all (I’m not that lucky though!)

OP posts:
solargain · 15/06/2019 15:45

I've been really wanting ds to get it but I'll have to get him vaccinated next month as he's not allowed in school without it. Angry

WhiteRedRose · 15/06/2019 15:54

Dt2 will have a possibly worse case if he caught it off Dt1 by the way. Studies have shown that sibling transfers of the virus mutate and affect the 2nd sibling more.

SinkGirl · 15/06/2019 16:17

Oh i hope not. DT1 has been really unwell (the GP was quite shocked by how bad it is), and DT2 has hypoglycaemia so if he’s not able to eat it’s going to be a big problem. Because of that I hoped the NHS would vaccinate him but his paediatrician said he didn’t need to be vaccinated because he’s not immune compromised.

Really kicking myself now for not prioritising it over other things but like I say, none of my friends have done it and I didn’t think it would be this bad (from what I can it usually isn’t).

OP posts:
Littlebelina · 16/06/2019 12:06

Don't beat yourself up over not vaccinating op. Not many people do in the UK. I was considering it for DS but at the time there wasn't a local clinic. He has had chicken pox now but we'll be getting dd vaccinated when she is old enough as figure the cost is offset by the time we'd have to take off work. Winbox comment (don't know who reported it) would have only been helpful if you had a time machine. I thought at first she might not be aware that we don't vaccinate in the UK (I have American colleagues who are always shocked we don't) and thought you were an anti vaxxerr but clearly she knows.

SinkGirl · 16/06/2019 14:48

Thank you. I’m the opposite of an anti-vaxxer, DT2 caught whooping cough shortly before his 8 week jabs and I’m vehemently pro jabs. (not to mention that those people consider kids like my autistic twins to be cautionary tales!)

If it was available on the NHS I’d have done it, no question. Like I say, I don’t know anyone who’s paid for it for their kids and I figured it’s just one of those things they’ll go through.

A few of my friends have booked in now though, after seeing DT1 so poorly. So that’s good :)

OP posts:
seven201 · 16/06/2019 15:10

I know it's too late for you op and you've tried a local place that can't fit you in. But in case it's handy for others. I live in an expensive area in the south east and had my dd vaccinated for £96 total at a local gp practice (not allowed to be the one you're registered with) a couple of months ago so you Can get it significantly cheaper than boots / £150 per child.

Hope your twins recover quickly.

Broombroomshaketheroom · 16/06/2019 15:22

Not vaccinating for chickenpox is the norm in the UK, OP. Chickenpox parties are still a thing.

Although if his was so bad is it possible it was HFM and the doctor misdiagnosed it as chickenpox? Chickenpox is normally pretty mild in immuno-normal kids. It's only normally awful for adults who contract it. Whereas HFM tends to be much, much worse. My DS looked like a walking spotty boil with HFM and was so, so poorly we were in and out of urgent care every other day, where twice two students tried to say it was chickenpox even though we knew it was hfm from how it developed and the care teams we'd already seen 🙄

SinkGirl · 16/06/2019 15:53

I think it is chicken pox rather than HFM but it’s hard to say isn’t. He’s only got a few blisters on his hands and one on his feet, although I know you can’t really go off that. His poor legs, body and nappy area though, and his face - he doesn’t have thousands but they’re very dark and nasty. Think he’s going to have some bad scars.

OP posts:
Emmabryant123 · 16/06/2019 16:06

Poor boy
Have they mostly scabbed now ?
Hope it's over soon
I have a feeling my dd was exposed to pox about a week ago so I am waiting for spots to appear
We haven't vaccinated because of financial reasons
I know a few people who have but also lots who haven't

SinkGirl · 16/06/2019 17:12

Yes, they’ve all crusted now as of last night, so he can go to nursery tomorrow. He’s got some awful craters on the bridge of his nose, bless him, and the scabs are just so dark. Just glad the worst of the virus is over and hoping it doesn’t get his twin as badly. Hope your little one is okay - took the boys ages to pick it up from nursery

OP posts:
Emmabryant123 · 16/06/2019 17:40

Fx if he does it's not so bad
Sounds like your doing a Fab job with your boys :)

MRex · 16/06/2019 19:44

Glad to hear you're nearly there with DT1. Hope his age helps with his skin recovery. When DS had HFM it was awful in his throat (difflam helped a lot, get some in before the twins get it, because they all do!), but he didn't have very many other spots, so I think it varies. The hospital GP diagnosed him so I'm fairly sure it was HFM.

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