To be starting to feel angry about this?

[Idontwanttobeaman]

People keep mistaking me for a man at work. I do wear an unflattering uniform and a baseball cap and I do have short grey hair - but I do have large breasts and a name badge with a female name on it.. it SHOULD be obvious that I am female.. but every day I get called "son" or "sonny" several times and today a child asked their mum if I was a man or a woman. It was funny at first, but it's really starting to upset me now and make me think that I am terribly masculine. I'm not Kim Kardashian for sure but I'm not Desperate Dan either.

Do they confuse you even when they see your face and you speak to them? Might be the uniform bit tbh

At some point they realise that I am a woman, not sure which point though. The uniform doesn't help, and the short hair (the feminine haircut is hidden by the baseball cap). Still upsets me though.

Can you get different uniform? Even pimp it out by a belt or smth. Uniforms can be shit. I once ended up with 2 sizes bigger one🙄 Was crap

Unfortunately no. It's standard issue no additions allowed.

I would feel upset too but I don’t think people are doing it to upset you. They just aren’t paying attention probably.

Would you feel OK to try to make yourself look a bit more ‘cliche feminine’? For example grow your hair a bit longer, maybe wear some lipstick?
Or could you get a more feminine uniform?

Not saying how you look is wrong, I just think some people might need more ‘ obvious signs’ that you are a female

I can't change my uniform sadly.. and we aren't allowed to wear make up or perfume or jewellery.. I could grown my hair long ( though my hair is lovely and really suits me) but if I did I would have to put it up and wear a hair net under the baseball cap, so it seems a bit pointless ( and would take years to get very long again). No, in work I am stuck looking how I look I'm afraid.

Really I’m sure they can’t help it. I have been caught out a few times in my place of work, as I deal with the public and they come in all shapes and seizes. I try not to use any labelling terms now as it’s safer.

Maybe you shouldnt take it personally OP and accept that : in your workplace people rather expect male employees + people not paying attention= them making this mistake.

Angry is a weird word. Who are you angry with?

If there's

• no jewelry
• no make up
• an androgynous uniform and
• a hat which covers all your head hair

then unless you've got an obvious hour glass figure or are very beautiful then folks aren't left with many clues until you speak.

What is your job OP? Iv seen it a lot when people thank the bus driver as there getting off, they will automatically say ‘Thanks mate’ ’thanks Fella’ things like that as they just assume it will be a male bus driver and just say thanks without actually looking at the person driving the bus.

'Son' and 'sonny' is really odd. I've never heard anyone refer to a man in those terms, ever. Are you in the UK? Or is this common in a part of the UK I haven't been.

I've only seen it in American movies.

People call me sir all the time, I just got used to it

I wouldn't worry about it anyway. Surely, at the latest, they realise the very moment you begin to speak?

Call 999 and have them arrested for misgendering you.

It’s nothing to do with you, they just aren’t paying attention — would it help to see it like that?

I'm not sure how we can help? If your description is accurate how can people help their first impressions?

Can you tailor the uniform a bit without them noticing - ie a few darts here and there etc. Also could you look at some permanent make up e.g. dyed eyelashes and eyebrows that is if you can be bothered, I would just be first in with Hi I am Sally (or whatever) can I help etc

I’ve been called ‘sir’ on more than one occasion in a shop and once some guy came out of a doorway and bumped in to me and said ‘sorry mate’. Yup, short hair and no make up.I felt a bit low for a while about that then bounced back and now able to laugh about it with my friends .
AND when taking my DAD to a hospital appointment a healthcare professional asked my dad if ‘your wife’ wanted to come into the appointment which hacked me off no end and as someone who deals with the public, have learned never to assume relationships between people.

I agree with PP’s that people don’t really look at you that closely when you are serving them.

I don't think people do expect male employees..there are plenty other women who work there. I don't expect anyone to do anything, it's just upsetting me that is all, as I rather like being a woman and being recognised as one.

Do people confuse you with man outside of work?
If not, then just let this go as it's obviously the uniform🤷‍♀️

No, it doesn't happen outside work.

Where are you Idontwanttobeaman, please?

I do know what you mean OP, this kind of thing happened to me when I was working as an ambulance paramedic. I had a (very feminine) short hair cut but wore a unisex uniform with steel toe capped boots. Lots and lots of times, patients whom I had spent up to an hour with would say "thanks lads" or similar when we left them at hospital. I started to get a bit of a complex about it. I have large breasts, an hourglass figure and I flatter myself am generally considered attractive. I think that people who are preoccupied or not particularly focused on you as an individual just respond to very basic visual cues. Don't take it personally, it's really no reflection on you.

I was at a stadium gig, broad daylight and was called mate. I do have v cropped hair, but had on make up, jewellery, girly clothes.