To be annoyed with sexism in DS's nursery

[serensiren]

On Mother's Day, mums we're invited to my DS's nursery for a coffee morning between 9-11 am.
For Father's Day in a couple of weeks, the invitation reads: pop by for a donut and coffee with your little one before you head off to work. Time: 7.30 am.

Why is it assumed that dads have work to go to but mums don't? Does anyone else experience this from their children's nurseries? This is my first child and his first year at nursery so it's all new to me and frankly I feel quite insulted! AIBU to feel this way and mention this blatant sexism to them? Or will I just be seen as 'that mum' 🙄🙄

Our nursery opens at 7.30 am to allow for drop off before work. Why is it assumed that mum can make it at 9am but dads have such important jobs, they have to accommodate them earlier

You should ask, maybe they didn’t have much take up on the mum’s day event so are trying to learn from and seeing if an early time helps

I had to take half a day off work to attend that Mother's Day coffee morning

But you did take the day off and go. It’s possible that both events used to be at similar tones but no-one ever turned up to the Father’s Day one so they loved it. There’s no need for them to have considered moving the Mother’s Day one if it’s well attended and no-one’s complained.

I work in a nursery. We hold tea parties for Mother's Day and Father's Day, both late afternoon. For Mums we did some singing before party food. Dads have a treasure hunt style activity in the woods before party food. The difference in activity is mainly due to the weather.

We always have more attend the Mother's Day tea than we do the Father's Day tea. This year is looking to be about half as many Dads as we had Mums.

@CreakingKnees

The assumption than men have important work to do and so they adjust timing to early a slot so they can get on to work

Whereas women don’t have this concern, together they don’t work or the work they do isn’t important so they are able to attend slap bang start of most working peoples days

There may be a child or children in the nursery that don't have a dad around or one that passed away

I won't be doing anything for Father's Day this year in my class as one child's dad passed away a couple of years ago

Thanks everyone, I'm going to ask them.

Most SAHM are women though?

I don’t think it’s worth kicking up a fuss

Teachermam but they are having a Father's Day event, that's the whole point of this thread... invitations have been sent out to everyone.

sincethereis

But most women aren’t SAHM. There are few SAHM.

The Mother's Day event was full, I think pretty much every single mum attended, so I am glad to have been there for my DS. I'm now guessing that the difference is that women are probably more likely to make that sacrifice? I don't know. The majority of mums were in work clothes so assuming they all had to take time off.

Actually, isn't it nice to see a problem that can be influenced?! Not everything needs to be the end of life as we know it to be discussed.

I imagine it speaks to sexist assumptions and ingrained prejudices that the nursery just didn't stop to consider or even notice. By raising it with them constructively you're giving them the chance to do something about it.

I see that as a good thing and hope you are able to discuss it with them so they can make appropriate changes. I would definitely mention you took leave and your rationale for doing so, as inadvertently by doing so you probably reinforced what they were doing but I think it's more likely to have an impact if you share how it affected you and the decisions you felt you had to make.

If nobody ever challenges things like this then they'll just carry on perpetuating sexism that ultimately damages us all. It doesn't need to be judgemental or accusatory when you do, though.

I don’t think this is the non issue some believe it to be.

It’s part of an ingrained attitude of sexism.

Thank you, oneforthepain, I agree with everything you've said. My plan is to discuss without being accusatory, I'm sure they haven't even noticed it.

I think this is really bad. To the poster saying some may have absent/ deceased fathers, well the same could be possible for mothers?! Also in our case, it’s my husband who would be able to attend in the day and I wouldn’t. How ridiculous!

DH complained politely and constructively to school about the 'mums and teachers' lunch and it was changed to parents. Several other dads therefore went. Sometimes it is just doing things mindlessly how they've always been done.

I used to get quite annoyed about all those dads' groups offering bacon sandwiches and decent coffee on a Saturday. Was there anything for mums on a Saturday? Nope.

YANBU. This supposedly minor stuff is very revealing of underlying assumptions.

It’s part of an ingrained attitude of sexism

True. But it won’t be the nursery that initiated it, it’s the parents. The most the nursery is guilty of is probably trying to increase the engagement of fathers because they don’t bother attending otherwise.

It is sexist to assume mums will be free but then equally if they've had a high attendance then clearly there's a desire to attend.

Maybe they've done fathers day events during the morning and they've been poorly attended so they've gone to a pre work session.

Quite a few people are saying here something along the lines of how it's less of a big deal because clearly the mothers are attending. Well yes, but how many are taking a huge chunk of time off work in order to go just so they don't feel like they're letting their kids down? Just one more thing that makes women just that tiny bit less attractive to employers. Men are far too important to be expected to take the time off but mothers should be putting their careers second to attending little nursery events like this.

OP, I agree with a PP that it's at least something you can address and encourage change in the nursery.

Look at you all jumping on the “sexist” outraged bandwagon! As somebody has already said, perhaps it was a flop at Mother’s Day so they moved the time from 9 to 7:30 for Father’s Day. If that’s the case how on earth is that sexist? Till the OP asked and finds out why nobody can say for sure.

YANBU OP, I think that’s terrible.

It’s fairly likely that both the mother and father of a child in nursery work. Not certain, but reasonably likely - that’s why a lot of couples use nursery. So it just makes no sense to plan a parents’ event during standard working hours.

Manclife1 - Seems a pretty implausible explanation. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are not exactly new celebrations. Unless the nursery only opened up this year and is just finding its feet, they’ll have run Father’s and Mother’s Day events before.

The manager of DC's pre-school did ask at the welcome morning - "are there working mums here?". I was surprised and amused, and retold it to a colleague later. Se deduced that the school must be predominantly middle class, they would not have asked this question otherwise. I am still puzzled (being foreign myself, so no clue about the class system) and still thinking what could be the logic there.

Quite a few people are saying here something along the lines of how it's less of a big deal because clearly the mothers are attending. Well yes, but how many are taking a huge chunk of time off work in order to go just so they don't feel like they're letting their kids down? Just one more thing that makes women just that tiny bit less attractive to employers
I wouldn't be. It isn't an option in my job. I know many women who've built careers who wouldn't have that option.

They've ran an event & I agree that the timing discrepancies seem sexist and based on the idea that mum will be around, but if mums are around and are attending then that doesn't tell the nursery it's a problem. It tells them that a lot of mums are around and will make it so.

I agree that it's another thing risking making childbearing women less attractive to employers, but not all women would be using their holiday for a glorified coffee morning. It would be interesting to see what % of people who've taken half a day off are people in a job they're not fussed about vs people who have enjoy their job and have built a career (though some in the latter may have flexible hours).

I should reiterate, I find the different timings sexist. But the nursery isn't making women use their holiday for a cup of tea. That's a lot of women who could have said that doesn't work / voted with their feet.

@Buddytheelf85 or open for years and first time they’ve tried it? Or first time they’ve been told the time crap?