To think this should be compassionate leave

[glasshalf]

Young DS has little accident that needed surgery under general anesthetic . Both me and DP wanted to be with him naturally as it was really traumatic as parents too . Work say it's classed as dependant leave at best and will be unpaid - I feel it's a little unfair that we will lose wages when it was not just a "sick" day but actually a big deal for us and our DS. Aibu to feel we shouldn't lose pay?

You're not at work so its up to your employers. Most compassionate leave is very restrictive

I would take annual leave instead

I've only known compassionate leave for a close relatives death not when your child is ill. It's always been normal to use your annual leave.

Compassionate leave is only for a death in the family I think?

Do both of you have to be there?

My son is having an op tomorrow. My DH has taken two days holiday for it. I've got a day's leave as I'm a teacher, I may or may not be paid, depends on the governors.

Can't you take holiday if you want to be paid?

Yes YABU. Both of you don’t need to be there. It might be nice for work to allocate this as compassionate but they don’t have to.

And FWIW when my son was two he fell out of a trolley and needed stitches under general. We couldn’t both be there as we have other children. It wasn’t nice but it is what it is.

You should at the very least be allowed to use a day's holiday and not go unpaid.

Unfortunately there are others who take advantage of any provisions for family matters, or where only one parent is expected always to share the burden. You may be affected because others before you have taken advantage.

I was allowed compassionate leave when my 2 youngest had life threatening conditions, one of which included emergency op. I think it's less clear if it's non life threatening, eg setting a broken elbow. I'd probably expect to use unplanned annual leave for that, but apply for compassionate and hope.

Unfortunately, although you may think it's unfair, there's not much you can do to change their minds on this one.

Compassionate leave is generally reserved for losing a family member, severe illness in you or a family member etc.

Dependant leave is there for this exact reason. From an employers perspective, why should they pay you when you're not available for work?
Yes you an DP both WANT to be there, but do you both NEED to be there?
If you can't afford to lose the money, maybe ask if you can make up the hours across the next few weeks instead.

I hope your LO gets well soon x

The only time I’ve been given compassionate leave was for the day of my father’s funeral. All the other time I had off when he was dying/died was taken from holiday or unpaid.

YABU I'm afraid. I say this having had to spend most of my AL this year taking a sick child to appointments.

YABU.

It's not compassionate leave, it's dependent leave.

YABU. Just one of you needs to be there and take it as a day's annual leave.

YABU, sorry. And if you are both expecting to sleep on the ward you will annoy the other parents no end, conditions are very cramped. Basically, the norm is that one parent accompanies.

It doesn't seem to be a situation where you would be granted compassionate leave. Can you use annual leave?

It is dependants leave I’m afraid.

My ex h got 3 days paid compassionate leave when our dd died.

You should take holidays or unpaid leave, this isn't really a situation for compassionate leave unfortunately. Hope your ds recovers soon.

It's either DLV or take annual leave

It’s dependant leave op.
Compassionate leave is for a close family member death etc.
Dd2 had to have a brain mri and if it had fallen on a day I was due to work it would have been put through as dependant leave or unpaid.

My DS has an op when young, it was day surgery but had to have 2 weeks off for his recovery, and we both had the choice of taking it as annual leave or unpaid leave, I think that’s pretty standard. I completely see why you’d want to both be there (holding them to have anaesthetic is completely awful and you’ll want support), but I def agree only one should stay overnight if that’s needed. Hope it goes well.

Ok I accept IABU . We didn't both need to be but I can't imagine concentrating on work when my son is in theatre .

Compassionate leave could be used for anything per your manager’s discretion. It’s often used for time off for miscarriages up to 24 weeks, serious child related sickness (think Cancer treatments etc), and where you need to arrange care for a relative. So really it depends on why your DS needed the surgery.

Also didn't realise compassionate was just for death , I'll look this up. Only one of us stayed overnight but we were both there whilst he was in theatre it's an awful thing for your child to go through I was a mess .

Unless it's a life or death situation, why do both of you need to be there? DC broke his arm a couple of years ago and needed an operation with GA the next day - DH went to work, I took DS to the hospital (with our other DC) and I phoned DH when it was all done. Surely that's normal?

I would expect to take AL in this situation.

I can't imagine concentrating on work when my son is in theatre .

TBF, me neither, but DH is quite different to me in that way! I think different companies just operate in different ways. I used to work for a bank and I think I would have had paid leave for this situation, but that definitely wouldn't happen where I work now.