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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overnight guest opinions

54 replies

Zippy1808 · 09/06/2019 15:54

So last night I was woken up by my bf who had come home from the pub telling me he had brought home a bloke to stay on our sofa for the night because he has lost his keys. All my boyfriend knew of him was he drinks in the pub, they say hello and talk about football and only last night found out his name. So in my opinion a complete stranger. We have an 8 yr old daughter who was woken up by them both chatting loudly and started to cry because she was scared. Although me and my bf calmed her down she still wasn’t happy. This morning the man left early thankfully and I told my bf that I was angry as he could have a criminal record and we don’t know his name or where he lives to prevent this happening again. However, he thinks I’m sick to have such thoughts and is angry that i didn’t get up to make the fella breakfast.

What are other people’s opinions as according to my bf I’m overreacting and no one else would have a problem with this kind of goings on?

OP posts:
ChewbaccaHutchinsCool · 09/06/2019 16:28

I'd dump him for the get up and make him breakfast shit. Why the fuck did he think this was your job? Cunt.

Wheresthebeach · 09/06/2019 16:28

Wow...so he brings a drunk stranger home. Is loud enough to wake up and frighten an 8 yr old girl and his concern is that you didn’t don an apron like a good little woman and make breakfast?

Fuck that.

No respect for you, your daughter or your home.

Squigglesworth · 09/06/2019 16:28

He's wrong. Even leaving the child out of it, I would be extremely displeased to have a stranger who had been drinking, to boot suddenly sprung on me as an overnight guest. (To be completely honest, I wouldn't want a virtual stranger as a non-overnight guest, either, but I'm willing to admit I might be in the minority on that point.)

It shouldn't matter whether or not he thinks you're over-reacting. It's your home, too, as well as that of your young daughter, and you deserve to feel safe there. You should have the power to veto nonsense like this. Chances are, the stranger is harmless, but there are no guarantees.

MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 16:30

Absolutely no way! Is he completely insane?

The risks are very low, but even one couple of stories about horrible murder happening in such cases are more than enough not to put my kid at risk.

I wouldn't risk it on my own, but with a child in the house? What a ridiculous idiot. I hope she slept in your bed with you last night.

ChewbaccaHutchinsCool · 09/06/2019 16:30

Let me guess, you're expected to do all the donkey work in the home and life and he thinks you're a 'lunatic' if you don't? This is why I stopped going out with drinkers.

Zoeputthatdown · 09/06/2019 16:31

Risky thing to do. As for moaning about you not making them breakfast, Shock !

BitOfFun · 09/06/2019 16:34

Ah, chill out! I'm sure he could have sorted breakfast.

Why was your daughter scared that her dad brought a mate home? Seems a little melodramatic to me.

rollingpine · 09/06/2019 16:35

I think there was less risk of him harming any of you than there was of him stealing things.

Stupid of your dp, and breakfast??? Jog on sunshine.

1moremum · 09/06/2019 16:42

Well, now you know who he is. He's a guy down the pub so often he thinks the people he chats with while drinking are actual friends even though he doesn't know their full name, or anything about them besides which teams they prefer (based on whats on the pub tv) and what they drink. He's the guy that brings strangers home, even without pedo worries, the guy could have robbed you blind, or at a minimum puked all over your living room, bet BF wouldn't be the one cleaning that up.

the man has no common sense nor any sense of protectiveness toward you and DD.

1moremum · 09/06/2019 16:44

As for the people who think your daughter shouldn't be frightened of hearing loud voices, one unrecognizable when they wake her up in the middle of the night, I cannot roll my eyes hard enough to express their idiocy. Perhaps your BF and his pub friend can show up at theirs next Saturday at 2 am and wake them up. It would be frightening to an adult, much less a child.

dorisdog · 09/06/2019 16:45

Not sure I'd worry about someone being a paedophile, though I'd be extra vigilant with someone I don't in the house...but you bf is SO in the wrong: a) inviting a random person back from a pub without checking fist with you b) saying you should make breakfast.

Disrespectful and misogynistic.

dorisdog · 09/06/2019 16:47

Typos! Sorry - hope my comment makes sense!

Meccacos · 09/06/2019 16:49

I would seriously kick this guy out. It’s a safe guarding issue. I’ve heard of a case where a child was murdered by a houseguest after a party thrown by her mother. Alcohol and a stranger - what the actual fuck?!

Your boyfriend was shocked you didn’t make him breakfast?! WTF!!

Your boyfriend needs to go. He is an absolute idiot?

Meccacos · 09/06/2019 16:50

That wasn’t a question. Your boyfriend is an idiot.

Honeybee85 · 09/06/2019 16:51

Very disrespectful behaviour.
This guy could have assaulted you and your daughter, stolen valuable things, throw up / shit all over the place of drunkness, etc etc.

I read recently in the newspaper a story where a woman who was trying to be nice and invited a stranger with nowhere to go ended up being brutally raped by this man as she had turned her back on him to make him a sandwich.....
Your BF needs to put the needs of his family first and safety is the NO 1 PRIORITY!
F*cking idiot Angry

ginghamtablecloths · 09/06/2019 16:52

You're probably not over-reacting. Your home is your sanctuary and you invite people round who you know and feel safe with, not someone you don't know very well.

OTOH your bf was a bit thoughtless and his friend probably wasn't a mad axe murderer.

But making him breakfast? That is going too far, he should present you a bunch of flowers as a thank you, not expect you to act as a guest house hostess. Damn cheek. And not do it again.

JinglingHellsBells · 09/06/2019 16:52

Your BF is an idiot.

If he was concerned, the best he could have done was order a cab for the drunk 'mate' and got him safely home.

Bringing a drunken stranger home (not even his home- it's your home?) is madness.

You need to dump the boyfriend. Fast.

Hollyhobbi · 09/06/2019 16:54

Is the boyfriend your dd's father? I'm betting he isn't.

INeedAFlerken · 09/06/2019 17:08

Does his penis prevent him from cooking breakfast?

Your boyfriend is being an arse. Think long and hard about what your life will be like if you marry him.

Original poster
Zippy1808 · 09/06/2019 17:23

No he’s not my dd’s biological father but we have been together since she was 2 so to her he is her dad. This is not by any means usual for our house so is why she was scared. Particularly as she was sound asleep and so probably confused. Just to be clear I was not accusing the man of being a paedophile: just making a point that he could have had s criminal record for anything. Although, being a teacher I do hear more stories than I wish to about child attacks, so does make me more alert than maybe I need to be when strangers ask me thinks like what primary school my daughter attends etc. I was just being generic that he could have robbed us; or be casing the place; or, as he was a smoker, not extinguished his cigarette properly in the garden and burnt the place down; or just simply made a horrific mess. None of which is what I choose to welcome into my home which is meant to be the safe place for my family. I let the man stay to save an argument at 2am and instead had my daughter sleep in my bed with me while I stayed awake all night. Just wanted to express that I wasn’t happy with the scenario for future reference but was annoyed to be called a lunatic and be told I should be a kinder person eg making him breakfast. Just needed perspective to see if I am over worrying due to hearing so many horror stories or if it is an acceptable concern.

OP posts:
PaddyMcGintysGoatee · 09/06/2019 17:30

OP, you sound like a normal, sensible woman and a caring mother. Your bf sounds as thick as mince, and belligerent with it. I’d be considering alternative living arrangements were it me.

Is he in the habit of going to the pub regularly, on his own, using YOUR family money to pay for alcohol? Is that a fair way to conduct your family finances? I’d say probably not.

Your overnight guest may well have been a lovely guy who’d lost his keys, and was grateful for the use of your sofa. BUT THICKO BF HAD NO WAY OF KNOWING THAT. He could have been anyone. He could have been a violent man, or a rapist, or any of a long list of undesirable traits in a house guest.

But nothing awful seems to happened, thank goodness, but do check your jewellery and count the spoons!

As for the BF ... do you really want to spend your life with someone so dense?

Hollyhobbi · 09/06/2019 17:31

Did your partner have a huge hangover that he couldn't make breakfast? The overnight guest should have treated your partner to breakfast! And why couldn't he walk/get a taxi home in the first place?

fedup21 · 09/06/2019 17:33

Please can you expand on the fact that your boyfriend was cross that you hadn’t got up and made his new pub sleepover friend breakfast?

ChewbaccaHutchinsCool · 09/06/2019 17:41

FFS, you shouldn't be in a relationship if your boundaries are so skewed you even think for one second you are 'over-reacting' to your dunk barfly boyfriend bringing some random home from the pub to spend the night with the kid in the house and expecting you to get up and make the fucker breakfast. He's not your DD's dad. He's your boyfriend who has zero respect for your home, your boundaries or you with the 'you're a lunatic' and being angry you didn't put on your pinny and take his dreggy mate's order and serve him up some tea in bed.

herculepoirot2 · 09/06/2019 17:50

I’m probably alone here in saying that I would be irritated rather than angry. I would want to know that the man had had no other option whatsoever before being okay with it. And they could piss off for breakfast.

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