Childcare - can't cope

[QueenDL]

I am at my wits end trying to work out how I can work!

I work full-time in mental health. I have to use annual leave for bank holidays and xmas etc. I only started a few months ago but I love it.

I also work part-time in a pub, 2 evenings a week. For this I pay a babysitter which means I earn only a small amount from it. This is more for a social life.My babysitter leaves for uni in Sept so can't help with any days after that. She can only work evenings so doesn't help with school hols.

I am a solo mum (husband died by suicide in 2017) and my kids are 9 and 4.

I just can't cope with all the holidays - 8 of my annual leave days are taken up by bank holidays as school/nursery are obviously closed. Then there's xmas and the xmas holidays. Plus all the inset days, days needed for sports day etc.

DD2 starts school Sept which makes it easier and cheaper.

However I don't know how I can possibly be off for the 8 bank holidays, xmas, the period between xmas and new year, plus any inset days! The year runs 01 Apr-01 Apr and I have 10 days left!

I've already had to take 2 weeks in Sept for DD starting school as she's doing half days and they don't tie in with work half days (ie. DD is doing 845-12.30, my work half day is 9.30-1.15 or 1.15-5, but it's an approx 40 minute commute each way)

I can cover the half terms and summer with using holiday club, which will cost more than I earn and means I won't get time off with the kids but it's manageable.

I don't have any family on my side or my late husband's as they are all either extremely unsafe and abusive and/or mentally ill, or unsuitable for various reasons.

I have no local friends and the school mums I know use holiday clubs, partners or grandparents.

I just don't know what to do - I don't want to leave my job and I can't stay off work until they're both old enough to come home themselves!

Next year I'm looking at using 8 days for bank holidays, 12 for the xmas period, 2 for inset days that I know of, 1 for sports day, half a day per child's birthday so that I see them for more than an hour before bed, 2 days because they finish early for summer and xmas, 4 to cover the end of the summer hols as holiday club finishes end Aug and then I'm out of annual leave!

Work are pretty good with letting me have a day off if the kids are ill, as long as it's not more than a day or two and I don't take the mickey by doing it all the time.

Not entitled to time off for dependents as I haven't worked there long enough according to the policy and gov.uk

Any ideas anyone please? I feel like my poor kids barely see me as every school holiday instead of going away with me or days out or even seeing me, they're at holiday club every day! Then term time they see me for less than 2 hours before bed.

Find a childminder? They work school holidays so that would be covered.

So you get any benefits such as tax credits or UC which maybe help with childcare?

Christmas is the kicker. I’m a police officer and wife is a nurse, Christmas is a restricted leave period so we can’t guarantee to get it off even if we have leave left to take. Holiday clubs not running, local childminders mostly don’t work in the inbetween period. We’ve been at a private nursery that only closes bank holidays up til now but once school starts that’s two weeks to cover. Luckily have doting grandparents only an hour away who can help. Not sure what we’d do otherwise.

Can you reduce costs with childcare vouchers? Tax free childcare pays 20p for every pound and can be used for school breakfast club. Do you want your youngest to do half days? I believe you can ask for full days from day 1. Check you are claiming everything you can. Could you afford a nanny?

Do you have a spare room for an au pair? May work out cheaper.

Can you do Flexi time?

Have you considered another job? Or going part time?

Other than that, I suppose it's making the weekends count.

I totally understand your dilemma with seeing them so little. It must be so hard for you. I don't know what else to suggest.

Hello, do you work in the NHS? Because if you do, your bank holidays are in addition to your annual leave. If you have to work a bank holiday Monday you get that day back as extra annual leave.

Your dd is entitled to a full time place from September. The school may strongly suggest half days but legally you can put her in full time.
Re the bank holidays you should be getting those as holidays or days of in lieu.

Blimey, that does sound tough. If you're paying more in childcare than you're earning in the holidays then would taking some unpaid parental leave help? www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

Bank holidays are not in addition to annual leave in the NHS. You have an annual leave entitlement from which bank holidays are deducted if you don't work them normally. I get 246 hours leave and immediately have to deduct 60 hours to cover bank holidays. If you do normally work them, you just don't deduct them from your leave entitlement.

As far as I know, you don't have to do the half days when children start school, you can tell them that DC will be doing full days. That's what I intend to do - DD goes to nursery 10 hours a day, 4 days a week so she'll be well used to it!

Over the course of the whole year you won't be paying out more than you're making (I hope) so you can see the holidays as evening out that way.

It sounds really tough though. Childminder is a good shout. You could also try lots of play dates?

I was going to ask about why your youngest is doing half days? Is this something that you want? I think you are allowed to insist full days from the start (I think they do half days to get round to the kids homes which is odd)

I work for the NHS but Monday's are my non-working day so have any bank holiday Monday's added to my annual leave allowance instead (because I'm entitled to having them back in lieu). Maybe not all NHS orgs are the same but it would be pretty rubbish if not.

As someone who works in a school you need to know they cannot insist on those half days, your DD is entitled to full days from September (we go straight in with full days as we find the children get confused but if a family wanted it we would implement it solely for that child). Please speak to the school.

It really sounds tough for you. Do you have any friends who could help? I'd gladly help a friend on a rolling programme of support. Sometimes people don't know how to help and need to be asked.

Sherlock, your non-working Monday is not added to your annual leave, it just isn't deducted in the first place. I don't work on a Wednesday so if Christmas Day falls on a Wednesday, that's 7.5 hours I don't have to deduct at the outset.

We're you the poster who posted a while ago about your daughter and your husbands death? Apologies if not but I remember and my heart went out to that op x

Can you request term time working?

I know I’m repeating some other posters - but I had the same issue with annoying half days! But you can request your child in school full time and to be honest I would push for that as it seems such a waste of 2 weeks of your holidays!

Au pair? I used to think they were really expensive but they actually work out very cheaply as a lot of the people doing it are here to learn English and see a bit of the country. You could get your children to share a room to free up a bedroom?

If that's not an option, what about your current baby sitter? Presumably they will have very similar holidays to the school ones, perhaps they would be glad of the extra money plus they already know your children?

Most schools have holiday clubs and breakfast clubs don't they? Could also be a solution for some of the days.

Also, there is a good chance you might meet some school mums, you could do exchanges with them for childcare.

You have to be working for an employer for a year before you can take unpaid parental leave. So I'm guessing that'll be early next year?

What about unpaid leave? I know it'll be a burden financially...but you might be able to take a little more time off unpaid....

During summer holidays are there any 'holiday clubs' in the area? I work full time with 2 kids. I'm a bit different because my other half is able to help...but even with that, we still have to stretch ourselves to cover the school holidays. Some areas are better than others for afterschool clubs.

Can you take advatnage of flexi time? Can you work less hours whilst the kids are on holiday and make it up when they are back at school?

Sorry if none of this helps....childcare is so expensive nowadays and covering school holidays is an absolute nightmare.

Do you have any local parenting FB groups for the area you live in? I find there are frequent requests by parents for similar sorts of childcare help and people respond with where they can go for help. Likewise, sometimes babysitters etc will ask for work on there.

If not, you considered asking at the local nurseries whether anyone who works there would consider looking after your child outside of their working hours?

That is tough. And with your smallest only being 4 you're a long way off them being able to stay at home by themselves.
Good suggestion about seeing if dd can do full days from the start. That would save you a few days holiday.
And lots of parents don't make it to sports day. You just have to add that to the massive pile of guilt we all already have.
I don't know anyone irl who actually has an au pair but it sounds like a great idea. Would you consider it?

Do you work for the NHS? You may be able to purchase some additional annual leave if your Trust allows that. And if your Trust is anything like mine you should be able to get carers/dependants leave. If you purchase additional leave it should be taken off your pay throughout the year rather than all in one month. Carers/dependants leave would be unpaid. Check out your Trusts 's policies on leave, they won't be riveting reading but should give you more (and more importantly) accurate information.

Teacher here. The half days for reception isn’t something the school can legally insist upon. They are receiving full time funding for your child. My school does not do half days unless an individual parent requests it. It’s ridiculous when so many children are in full time childcare before reception anyway!