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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds old school uniforms , school drama

43 replies

calpolchaser · 08/06/2019 00:47

After so much stress and drama with ds old school, he transferred to a new school last year and is now thriving.
Today I was spring cleaning and came across a bag of his old uniforms that are in good condition. I had so much stress with the school/ head teacher last year that having them in the house is making life difficult and the associations are making me very angry. I was certain that chapter in life was over.i just want to bin the lot.
Dm says to donate them to the school and ordinarily I would do this but I am so AngryAngryAngry and do not want to help them or contribute to the school in anyway because of the trauma and stress inflicted on ds by being in that school ( issues regarding bullies and teachers not paying attention and forgetting onlyhis birthday which had him in tears etc)
First world problems and I am probably being dramatic but as most mums know , when it involves your dcs it becomes very personal.

I guess I'm just asking. Am i reasonable or not?

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 08/06/2019 00:49

Can you offer them on free cycle?

Wildorchidz · 08/06/2019 00:51

Please do not just bin them
It’s adding unnecessary waste to landfill
Can you leave them into a local charity shop? Or ask your mother to bring them to the school.
It’s a child who will benefit - not the school.

AriaFitz · 08/06/2019 00:51

I would just give them to a charity shop near the school rather than the school but YANBU to bin them if you (understandably) can’t put your feelings aside enough to do that.

Pipandmum · 08/06/2019 00:52

You are not helping the school but another family. Is there a WhatsApp group or Facebook page for the school or your year group? Offer it on that, or if you still know other families that the school see if they know someone who needs it.

MitziK · 08/06/2019 00:54

Wouldn't you be helping a family that cannot afford brand new uniform, rather than the school - who would probably prefer that all parents bought brand new/from their overpriced uniform shop?

Tavannach · 08/06/2019 00:55

Yeah, charity shop near the school. Good for the charity, good for parents on low incomes.

kamelo · 08/06/2019 00:56

Just because the school didn't suit your DC doesn't mean it won't suit someone else's DC who will thrive there like your DC is at their new school.
I get why you feel the way you do however you are mis-directing your anger held for the school, the donation will not help the school but may help one or more children at the school who for whatever reason, their family/ies may be struggling a little.
Think of it this way and be generous, it may help with the anger a little to.

Incywincybitofa · 08/06/2019 01:00

I have a lot of sympathy with your position, but schools are filled with families who want or need or can only be there, support them in their circumstances.
The head will never know who is wearing your child's uniform and wont give it a second thought.

chitofftheshovel · 08/06/2019 01:06

Some teachers forgot your kids birthday?? I can't understand how that is an issue.

tor8181 · 08/06/2019 01:09

my then 11 y old left y5 in 2015 and never went back,his teacher bullied him in to a nervous breakdown and the head covered it up,even a shoving through the door that the kids said she did but the head called them all liars

when he knew he was never going back we had a celebration of a bonfire and burnt it all, i wanted to give it away but he said this now closes a chapter in his life and knowing hes never going to a school,setting again he can now recover.it was only a asda one anyway so a few pounds,if it was hundreds i would have given it away

he didnt recover fully till autumn 2018 and he was agoraphobic as well so her year of hell had a major effect on him

i think by giving them away it wouldnt have the same effect

Topseyt · 08/06/2019 01:12

Just charity shop for clothes.

Anarchyshake · 08/06/2019 01:22

You've reminded me that I still have a full to bursting bag of uniform for my youngest's last primary before she moved on.

Where we live, there's collections for school uniforms which are donated to families in need in the area.

Ring your local council and ask if they have a scheme like that, or ask a charity shop if they take uniforms.

I'm so sorry your son had trouble at his old school. And whilst I see why people questioned the triviality of the birthday part, I was left out at primary despite my telling the head it would be mine - they always did birthdays on a friday in assembly and everyone would sing happy birthday (unless there were no birthdays). She told me that my birthday wasn't on the friday so it didn't count. I know the school disliked my family but I was a junior kid and had no friends and that was just cruel. Glad there's been a full turnover of staff, because it's the same primary my youngest now attends. They still have the same tradition except kids get a birthday certificate from the school as well as a mention in assembly.

Being missed from something like that is a big deal to little kids, and if there's other issues then of course it'll be the icing on the cake.

You will both get past it, but do pass on that uniform. Then you can let go and focus on what's ahead instead. Good luck with the new school!

BrendasUmbrella · 08/06/2019 01:26

It's your property. Burn it if you want.

JustOneShadeOfGrey · 08/06/2019 01:50

I hear ya sister! We’ve had a nightmare time with our school.

Charity begins at home. Burn the feckin uniform. Get rid. It will be cathartic.

This isn’t a PC solution but you need to put this school behind you and are not beholding to anyone, even parents with limited funds.

LiliesAndChocolate · 08/06/2019 02:14

another one for burning the whole bag. Add a letter of your grievance and pain caused and close the chapter in your house and your mind.

Bag gone, thoughts gone , look forward

purplecatt · 08/06/2019 03:58

I felt the same when my ds changed schools. I sold the lot on marketplace.

supersop60 · 08/06/2019 04:56

Don't burn it. The smoke is toxic.
Please find a way of donating it to a family in need. That way, some good will come out of it. (Facebook, Freecycle etc)

cafenoirbiscuit · 08/06/2019 04:56

When we had a traumatic school change, I put everything in the fabric recycling. It felt good.

BetsyBigNose · 08/06/2019 04:57

My DD10 left her Junior school back in Feb during Yr5 due to bullying. I had a bag of branded sweatshirts, polo-shirts, cardigans and PE T-shirts that she was never going to need again and like you, I was reluctant to go to the school itself after everything that had happened.

She has stayed friends with a few girls from her class, so I gave the bag to one of the Mums (who is also on the PTA, handily), and asked her to distribute the contents to the parents of any girls who were struggling to buy uniform bits - or to give the whole lot to one family if they had a new joiner who needed a little help, I left it up to her discretion.

Like you, I didn't want it to go into the school's 'Uniform Sale', as I didn't want the school to profit financially in any way from having failed to protect my daughter from coming home with bruises all over her and the detrimental affect the bullying had on her mental health. But I didn't want to bin it (such a waste - around £100's worth!), and I was happy to help pretty much anyone else! I hope you can find a similar solution that sits well with you OP.

It's great that your DS is thriving in his new school, my DD is too (at least we can now be sure we made the right decision!), I hope he continues to do so.

DoraleeRhodes · 08/06/2019 05:19

Put it on your local Facebook selling page. Sure it’ll be useful to someone and then won’t go to waste.

PenelopeFlintstone · 08/06/2019 05:28

Was there anyone there who was nice to you or your son? Maybe give it to them. Or just chuck it. It's nothing compared to the chimney stacks of the world, and it's a one-off.

PenelopeFlintstone · 08/06/2019 05:29

Or slash it with a Stanley knife and dump it on the Head's car bonnet Grin

ApplesOrangesPears · 08/06/2019 05:30

Just take it to a charity shop near the school. Do it ASAP so it’s not hanging around.

PenelopeFlintstone · 08/06/2019 05:31

That was just a joke, by the way, in case my grin didn't convey that clearly enough.

Chottie · 08/06/2019 06:03

Please pass the uniform on, so another family can benefit from it. Think of it as a positive coming from a difficult situation. You could make life easier for one family........

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