to feel lost without physical contact?

[gordondear]

I've been single for a short 4 month, but was with an abuser for 3 years prior to this, who didn't do physical contact unless it was rough, emotionless sex.

I've recently been craving human touch, but not sex. I just want an intense hug, or for someone to hold my hand tightly, just some kind of intimate touch. But not sex, I stress this.

It's weird. I find myself fantasising about a kind man putting his arms around me and just holding me tight. Not even necessarily a partner, just someone I trust.

It's getting to a point where I'm getting quite down about it.

Does this sound really weird?

No. It sounds like you are craving human, loving contact given with a feeling of care. Like your subconscious is realising what it's been missing?

I'm pretty sure this has got less to do with you being single and a lot more to do with the horrible relationship from which you are now, thankfully, free.

That said I have no idea what the answer is but I hope you find one soon!

brake I think I'm just realising I've never had it. I was at my dads house the other day and his lovely, kind friend was there. I just wanted to hug him and ask him to hug me back. It's become a real thing.

I think I just feel very lonely, and have done for years

Thank you scarbble

It's normal to feel like this. People have cuddle parties etc. It's a thing.

My husband isn't that demonstrative physically and sometimes I craved a hug. I have a toddler now so I'm never short of physical affection anymore.

Could you ask a friend for a hug? I wouldn't think it was weird if you were my friend.

I have a 6 month old @kaytee87 but he doesn't hug my yet. Just tries to wriggle away

I've had to flee my ex. I now live back with my parents temporarily but am a long way from friends. I think I'm just a bit lonely.

Maybe I'll get a massage...

I have definitely felt like this/ still sometimes do. It's horrible isn't it.

If there isn't anyone you could ask for a hug, could you book a massage or something? Not quite the same but might help as it's touch?

Cross post!

@fromthefloorboardsup xpost! Maybe a massage will have to do.

It's a horrid feeling. I just miss the physical touch

I read something along these lines. About some young people offering a service to spend time with someone and hug them. I don’t think it’s mainstream but the rate was £30 an hour I recall.

I just don't think it'd be the same with a stranger. But maybe that's because I've had (4) bad experiences with men.

This is very common. I've heard it recommended that people in your situation book a massage. Just to lie down for an hour and be touched in a soothing way might help.

Salsa? Yoga? Pilates?

I think physical touch is important. We're just complicated monkeys after all.

Fully understand this OP. My DH died 7 years ago and was out for our Christmas do in January and one of the guys I work with and I were dancing. Friends and nothing more than that...but it hit me like a train how long it had been since I was held by someone an actually really left me quite upset.
DD gives great hugs but never quite the same.

I wish it wasn't so weird to just ask someone for a hug. I'd love it if someone asked me! I'd be flattered.

@youwouldthink so sorry about your husband. I can't even begin to try and understand

This is very normal! I’ve been single most of my life and didn’t receive much physical affection at all growing up. I could really do with a cuddle or hand hold from somebody lovely now and again. Someone just said to me tonight, “I can’t bear anyone touching me when I’m ill, are you the same?” and I had to truthfully answer “I don’t know” because I’m so used to going without any physical contact at all.

I do think we need touch and affection as humans. This part of you is totally natural. I hope you find a way of fulfilling this need soon and that you have lots of hugs in your future!

I’m considering getting a pet soon, I think kitty or puppy cuddles could be quite healing and lovely!

Nothing weird about it! Physical touch is so important. Could you say to one of your friends ‘God I could really do with a hug!’

If you were my friend I’d happily oblige!

@gordondear oh you don't have long to wait for the love then op!
Get a head massage, always feels lovely.

@kaytee87 I would but I have my hair braided! thinking full body...

I also recommend dance classes and reflexology. They help me a lot.

@gordondear I'm sorry to hear you feel like this but glad to know it's not just me! My partner died 2 years ago and I really miss his 'cugs' as we used to call hugs (cross between hugs and cuddles lol)

May take up the idea of a massage

@Unmanned gosh, I'm so sorry Maybe we should all get massages!

Won't your mum and dad hug you? It wouldn't be weird to ask them. Or a good friend. If my friend said she needed a hug i would happily oblige.

Well done for getting away from this dreadful man op. You will find the intimacy and tenderness you crave.

I go for massages as often as time/finances allow... in LTR but we're having lots of problems at the moment (and for quite a while) and i'm angry/resentful and have withdrawn physically from DH... but am also very lonely/craving human touch (have given up on 'intimacy' tbh) Have got a cat who gets cuddled lots whether they like it or not

Even getting my hair shampooed is a 'treat' as it feels so nice