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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only have one child

44 replies

RR90 · 07/06/2019 16:54

I've planned to have 2 children for a long time but now that I've had my first I don't think I want another. It's never really crossed my mind before, I was always sure I would have more than one. She's only 3 months old so plently of time to reconsider or change my mind but it's going through my mind right now so I thought I would post about it. I became pregnant with DD after TTC for 3 years and 2 miscarriages, whilst I was happy to be pregnant in general I didn't enjoy, I was miserable and worried throughout. I hate the thought of going through it all again. However I don't have much experience of only children, I have 4 siblings of my own (I only grew up with 3 of them though) and I can only think of a few people I know who have no siblings. Those that I have met have spoken about wanting a sibling, being quite lonely as a child. Whilst I can remember wishing I was an only child many times growing up most of my favourite memories include my siblings and I'd of probably been bored and lonely without them. I think having siblings helped me quite a bit socially, I was a very shy child, I think playing and interacting with them helped me when it came to other children. But then I know there would also be positives, being able to focus soley on one child, having more money. DH would prefer to have two but is understanding of how I feel

I'm interested in people's experience of being or having an only child

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 07/06/2019 17:16

I'm an only child and I had a wonderful childhood. Loving parents, loads of friends, lovely holidays. I never missed having a sibling and I'm 46 now.

WeirdCatLady · 07/06/2019 17:24

I had a brother and sister and hated them both, still do and I haven’t spoken to either of them in twenty years. Dd is an only and is wonderful and happy.

Families vary, some siblings get on great, others don’t. Some only children are brilliant, others aren’t.

Do what is right for you and your family.

OutInTheCountry · 07/06/2019 17:29

Does your DD have cousins of a similar age or other family nearby? I think being an only child is easier if you have a ready-made family in another way. I don't think you should have another child if you don't really want to, the world is full of well-adjusted happy people who don't have siblings.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 07/06/2019 17:31

I'm an only and utterly loathed it which is why I have 2 kids.

I think it's dependent on a lot of things, personality, parenting, circumstances but despite having an horrific birth with dc1 I was always determined we were doing it again because I wanted him to have the possibility of a brilliant sibling relationship.

StrongleBerry · 07/06/2019 17:32

I'm an only child and I had a wonderful childhood. Loving parents, loads of friends, lovely holidays. I never missed having a sibling and I'm 46 now.

Exactly this, only I'm 34

StrongleBerry · 07/06/2019 17:33

I'm very confident that I'll still love it when I'm 46 and beyond though.

PhossyJaw · 07/06/2019 17:38

To be honest, I'm completely uninterested in the Disney ideas of unhappy adult only children about the Undying Bond of Siblings. I am only having one child because I only want one child. I'm not going to have another child I don't want because it gives DS the possibility of a good sibling relationship.

Original poster

RR90 · 07/06/2019 17:39

She does have quite a few cousins not too much older, a couple of hours away though

OP posts:

WhiteRedRose · 07/06/2019 17:40

I'm the same OP except we were ttc for around 14 years and now I have him (he's 2 now) I just don't think I can go through all that again. We'd recently been trying for DC2 for just over a year and I just decided the other day that no, enough is enough. I don't need to do it all again. As nice as it could be if it happens, the more I think about it, the less we'd be able to offer a 2nd child. If it hadn't happened by accident in the next couple of years DH is voluntarily getting the snip.

I really don't get on with my sister at all as she was horrific to me growing up, closee in age with a (18m age gap), but we tolerate each other because we're 300 miles apart, and I only get on with my Brother because he's around 18yrs older than me.

GoldPaperStars · 07/06/2019 17:42

I’m having a horrible pregnancy with my first and, after being on the fence about whether we wanted one or two children, we’ve both decided that this will be an only. I have four half siblings that I have next to no contact with and my DH has two that he has nothing in common with. I remember that when I start to feel bad about a potentially lonely only child!

Cutesbabasmummy · 07/06/2019 17:45

I'm an only and never wanted siblings. I had a great childhood and lots of friends. My son will be an only child too although he has 5 Male cousins and another on the way so he will have family. X

haverhill · 07/06/2019 17:46

I have a delightful, sweet natured 12 yo only. He’s genuinely one of the kindest kids I know - I’ve been teaching for 20 years so have interacted with 1000s of children.

AshQ · 07/06/2019 17:46

My 7 year old is an only child. He’s fine, loads of friends at school and goes to clubs outside of school where he’s also made friends. We have a great relationship and go on loads of trips/holidays.

omione · 07/06/2019 17:55

My friend was a only child and never missed having a sibling until her DM was on life support and she was asked wether she wanted to turn the support off, she felt so lost as she had no sibling to talk it over with

Millie2018 · 07/06/2019 17:58

I had a third degree tear, post birth surgery and my DD was unwell and has been on and off since birth. I couldn’t imagine ever having another.
As she got a bit older people mentioned to me about how obvious it was that she was an only child. She couldn’t play by herself, was demanding and a few other comments. I couldn’t see it.
Fast forward a couple of years when I had recovered from the birth and had a longing for another. Decided to go for it and was so glad I did. Had a very straightforward birth. My second child does not have the same health issues. Oh and my daughter adores her sibling. They play together and are thick as thieves. It’s only now I have a second child that I realise my dad was probably right about her behaviour being an only child, I just had nothing to compare it to.

Pebbleinthesand · 07/06/2019 18:00

I feel like I'm in a similar situation but my DD is almost 2. When I think about having anothrr child at the moment it's based on wanting her to have a sibling, not necessarily me wanting another child which probably isn't the best attitude towards a child.
Although , I do have a younger brother who I get on with really well. It's such a hard decision to make though so I completely feel for you.

firstimemamma · 07/06/2019 18:10

Your dd is only 3 months, it'll get easier and you'll be able to think things through more easily then. There's no right or wrong, just what works best for you and your family

Ylvamoon · 07/06/2019 18:54

I was a bit like you op. I had a difficult pregnancy and didn't want a 2nd child for a long time... I have 2 DC now with a 6 year age gap. For my family, this was the right decision. My children are very close, between the usual sibling squabbling. I don't think I would have been able to cope with a younger child, difficult pregnancy and work.
Just do what is right for you and change your mind as many times as you like!

PseudoQuim · 07/06/2019 19:03

Another only here. I also never asked for/wanted a sibling. I had lots of friends and didn't miss having a brother or sister. I'm 36 now

Mummyshark2019 · 07/06/2019 19:13

I am an only child. My child is an only child. We are both happy as Larry. Each family is different though but just because you have siblings, does not mean you're going to be friends for life - or even like each other.

hidinginthenightgarden · 07/06/2019 19:15

Nothing wrong with having just one child. There is always adoption though if you want another but don’t want to go through ttc again.

BillywigSting · 07/06/2019 19:20

I'm an only and never wanted a sibling growing up.

The thought of having to share my parents was one that made me quite tearful.

Even as an adult I don't miss having siblings, I have a great partner and friends who help me when the shit hits the fan.

My child is also an only and very content and well adjusted.

My childhood was a very very happy one (and there was never any bickering so it was lovely and peaceful and I got all the attention I needed)

gamerwidow · 07/06/2019 19:26

I have DD(8) who is an only through choice. It can be hard work because you do have to work harder to entertain an only because there is no other child for them to play with.
I really love how close we are though.
I have a sister and although I love her she has caused me a lot of pain over the years. Having siblings doesn’t always mean you have a friend for life.

BeanBag7 · 07/06/2019 19:26

YWNBU to only have one; YWNBU to have more than one. There is no right or wrong - there will always be someone who loved being an only child and someone who hated being an only child and theres no way to predict it.

Your child is only 3 months. It took about 2 years for me to decide whether we wanted another one. theres no rush to make the decision, either way!

gamerwidow · 07/06/2019 19:28

P.s. DD wants a sibling but I think the idea would be better than the reality. She’s fine at sharing her things and always plays nicely with other kids but she gets really jealous when I give other children attention.

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