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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who’s in the wrong here?

79 replies

Beebeezed · 07/06/2019 09:58

Was just sat on a bus. A lady gets on with a buggy and parks it in a way that is taking up two spaces and then sits down next to it, so taking three altogether. Bus not very busy.
An elderly lady opposite her starts shaking her head, tutting and muttering to her friends about how many seats she’s taken.
The lady with the buggy asks if there is an issue. The elderly lady says ‘you don’t even pay for babies to get on and they end up taking two spaces’ to which the lady with the buggy replies ‘pretty sure you got on this bus using a free bus pass. Out of all of us I’m the only one that’s actually paid for my seat. Thank you’
This is then followed by a lot of moaning and voicing of disgust between the elderly lady and her friends while the lady with the buggy goes on her phone to ignore it.

I’m on the lady with the buggy’s side here. If the bus had been packed I would have expected her to manoeuvre the buggy to be taking up only one space but it wasn’t so I don’t think she needed to. I’m all for respecting your elders but I do feel this lady was being a bit silly. What do you guys think, who’s was being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 07/06/2019 13:44

So why has every other poster referenced her age? Even if it was necessary for the OP to, why should everyone else?
Because both people in the story a women so to reference who is who they say "old lady" or "buggy lady". I think some of the comments or references to "old biddy" etc are rude and uncalled for but simply referencing the old lady is just practical.

BertrandRussell · 07/06/2019 13:45

“They haven’t”

The overwhelming majority have. I’ll count if you like.

BertrandRussell · 07/06/2019 13:47

“Buggy lady” “other lady”
“Buggy lady” “rude lady”

Antigon · 07/06/2019 13:48

Apart from a wheelchair user getting on the bus, why should she move? I understand giving up her own seat because it’s right at the front and someone might need it more than she does, but not the big space where a wheelchair or pram would go.

Yes, that's what I meant by getting busy (see my post upthread about disabled passenger).

JacquesHammer · 07/06/2019 13:50

The overwhelming majority have. I’ll count if you like

Majority I'm fine with. Different to "every" though, obviously.

Antigon · 07/06/2019 13:52

Old biddy was in the wrong.

Old biddy is rude. Imagine if I called you sugar tits?

Liverbird77 · 07/06/2019 13:54

Genuine question... How exactly are you supposed to fold the buggy?
You have the frame, the top seating bit which has to come off before it can fold, a big bag with nappies, feed, change of clothes etc PLUS the actual baby.
Surely it's not safe to hold onto a wriggling baby, as well as all the stuff mentioned?
Again, I am genuinely curious. I've only been on the bus twice with the baby and luckily it's been pretty empty

SimplySteveRedux · 07/06/2019 13:54

The question is whether the woman with buggy would have moved if it got busy or someone with a disability needed a space.

Was about to say the same, I've had over a hundred people refusing to fold their buggy to allow room for my wheelchair.

redwoodmazza · 07/06/2019 13:55

This is getting me in the right frame of mind for my Ryanair flight later today!!!
Always entertaining LOL.

JacquesHammer · 07/06/2019 13:55

How exactly are you supposed to fold the buggy?

I never did. I was always happy to squish up or get off if a wheelchair user needed the space.

That said our buses have “buggy zones” so it only happened on a couple of occasions.

Ironfloor269 · 07/06/2019 13:57

I'm also on the pram lady's side. And hats off to her for standing up for herself. I wish I could have half of her courage in such a situation. Her response wasn't rude either, or was a good comeback. Well done, pram lady!

Brefugee · 07/06/2019 14:05

The rude lady seems as though she wanted buggy lady to hear what she said. This kind of passive-aggressive bullshit gets on my nerves. Say something if you have something to say or button it (or don't make it loud enough for others to hear.

Must say that I loved buggy lady's cheeky reply about the bus pass. Hopefully she said it with a bit of a smile but whatever.

All the thought police here digging on her already for not folding up her buggy/getting out of the way of as yet non-existent wheelchair users should have a bit of a word with themselves. That would be a whole other scenario. Let's assume, to be nice, that she would.

MulticolourMophead · 07/06/2019 14:06

- Buggy lady shouldn't have responded to remarks that weren't addressed to her

I bet they were. In that passive aggressive "I'll speak loudly to you so that she hears" sort of way to the person the other lady was sat with.

butterboo · 07/06/2019 14:12

The bus wasn't full, no one was forced to stand. The pram lady had every right to be annoyed.

pikapikachu · 07/06/2019 14:20

The age is relevant as children not taking up room on public transport (standing for all adults etc) is a really old attitude.

The old lady was wrong 100%. Lady with the buggy was 100% right. Why should she endure someone else openly bitching about her. The child would understand what was being said in a few years and shouldn't feel bad about being on public transport. Buggies were even bigger in the past and I bet the old woman would have used that service had it been available when she was a parent with a pram

MummyofTw0 · 07/06/2019 14:25

The old lady should wind her neck in

Antigon · 07/06/2019 14:27

I've had over a hundred people refusing to fold their buggy to allow room for my wheelchair.

And this is the real issue. I've seen so many threads on MN from buggy users annoyed that they have been asked to move for a wheelchair.

SoupDragon · 07/06/2019 14:50

There is no ageism on this thread. It was relevant in the OP and used as an identifying description in later posts. (Excluding "old biddy" comments which are rude)

BertrandRussell · 07/06/2019 14:53

“There is no ageism on this thread”

Nah. Course there isn’t.

SoupDragon · 07/06/2019 14:54

Glad you agree with me.

Antigon · 07/06/2019 15:13

Old biddy is ageist, SoupDragon. Sad you can't see that.

Would you like to be called a young bird or old biddy?

SoupDragon · 07/06/2019 15:24

Old biddy is ageist, SoupDragon. Sad you can't see that.

I'm sad that you can't see that I specifically covered that.

SoupDragon · 07/06/2019 15:27

If using her age as a description is ageist then surely referring to her as a woman is sexist. Her sex is irrelevant. 🤔

Original poster
Beebeezed · 07/06/2019 15:42

elderly
/ˈɛldəli/
Learn to pronounce
adjective
(of a person) old or ageing.
"an elderly relative"

It’s a fact. This lady was in her 80’s - she was elderly. The posters saying this statement is ageist are linking their own connotations to the word ‘elderly’. It’s like calling someone young if they are young or blonde if they are blonde.

OP posts:
Antigon · 07/06/2019 15:45

I'm sad that you can't see that I specifically covered that

Actually you said ‘old biddy’ is rude which is not the same thing.

And ‘woman’ is not the same as ‘old biddy’. You’re either deliberately obtuse or lack comprehension.

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