Unreasonable work commute

[restingbitchfarce]

Looking for a new job in quite a niche role and as current contract ends this month

A job has come up which would be a 90 minute commute each way

Would I unreasonable to my kids to even think about this? They're 13 & 18 and just us three at home. I feel it would be a long day out the house for me

I do that 4 days a week and have a 3 and 6 year old. I’m lucky DH is very supportive and does the nursery/school pick up and drop offs. It’s fine.

My daily commute is 50 mins on way in, 1h20 or more on way back. I hate the return commute and am wondering to what extent the traffic fumes contribute to my wrung-out state when I get home. But I suppose it’s worth it overall - love the job, the pay is good, and I get to live in a stunning place.

If it's Lodnon, do you need to drive OP - could you not go by train? What you pay in train fees you'll make up in not paying congestion charge and fuel etc.

I did a 90 minute each way commute for decades (walk/train/bus) and enjoyed it. I kept Waterstones in business I think - I read at least a book, if not two, a week and by the time I got home in the evening I was unwound. It was proper me-time.

Not sure I'd like to drive a 90 minute commute though.

• London (obviously!) not Lodnon

IT sounds like you have no option, so I guess you have to take it, but should work on building transferable skills so you can move to a more local job asap.

My experience of long commutes and those who have done them is that you get used to them while you are doing them, but wonder how on earth you managed when you stop!

90 mins drive each way? that's very different from a 90 mins train journey where you can sit and read/do admin etc. I wouldn't do it unless I was desperate

I did that for several years pre-children. I didn't mind it too much as I liked the job and I liked where I lived. However, when I changed job, I could hardly believe all the time I had on my hands :)

Given the age of your children and the circumstances, I'd give the job a go.

If you can use the time effectively (if you're in the car and you can hands-free you can make all your phone calls etc) or listen to podcasts or something it really helps. (I jacked in the car because it was always hit and miss if I'd make it in an hour or 3 hours and went to the train which was longer to start with and also a bit dodgy but that extra reading time was great)

You also do have to be ultra organised and get the family on board as pp mentioned, it can feel relentless and regimented, but if the money is ok and you can cope it's also a really good chance for your children to learn a few life skills too.

I live in the Home Counties. 40 per cent of people here commute to London. 90 min commute (with train/tube etc) entirely normal.

Blueberry But OP has said she's driving. I know the pain of train commutes especially people spending 5 hours on Southern or the traindriver deciding he'll miss out your stop, wrong sort of the leaves on the line, etc but while it's awful you are not sitting in a huge traffic jam tired out of your mind - some recent M3 and M27 ones have been 5 hours.

OP You seem to have no choice since you're in a niche business and the local jobs you've looked at require a significant drop in income. Do you not have transferable skills? Is there a local city/town that would offer better opportunities? From what you've said it's also contract driven which gives you no lee way.

@crosstalk - most people who live in the home counties drive to London. The train commuters though plentiful are a minority. Everybody who drove had a 4 hour total commute in total. It’s considered normal.

Really @Teddybear45 ? I'm surprised that's your experience. I've worked in the City for nearly 20 years and don't know anyone who regularly commutes by car. All of my work colleagues and friends outside the firm who live in the Home Counties all commute by train (as do I).

I agree with eurochick. I have worked in London for over 30 years commuting from the Home Counties. Anyone who drives in is considered a bit naive to be honest.

OP If you are calculating your drive to be 90 minutes then I suspect a train/tube/walk may be quicker and cheaper.

I have a 90 minute commute, but I am able to work for most of it. My employers are flexible - it's about what you deliver (as long as don't take the piss) so although I have a long day my commute is productive.

The main issue for me is being at the mercy of Northern Fail .... bunch of useless bastards. Their incompetence really can fuck my day up.

I used to do a commute an hour and 15min in the mornings and 2-3 hours home, depending on traffic. It was hell and I left after a year - one of the busiest motorways in the country and lots of roadworks.

I didn't notice how much it affected me until I got a new job where my commuting time is 30min each way.

I managed a 90 minute commute for a year. I nearly ended up stuffing my car into a tree. Unless it's a train commute (sorry haven't RTFT) I'd say no

Three hours every day, just on those days when there are no problems - no snow, no accidents, no roadworks.
No way.
That said, I've never been in the position of not being able to pay my bills. I guess it makes the unappealing more appealing.

The fact you are already saying you would leave two hours before your work start time, is already making the 'commute' longer, and, by driving, you are having to concentrate for all that time - not even sit on a train and either work or relax by reading or watching netflix or even snoozing.

I think it’s the fact that you’re driving, and your fixed work hours that make the difference here. I do a commute of that length and have a two year old, but I start early and leave early (DP does nursery drop off) so have good time with him in the early evening, I can work from home at least one day a week, don’t work on Fridays, and it’s train/tube so I can read/listen to podcasts and actually find it enjoyable quiet time that I don’t get at home.

In your situation though I think it would be much tougher, it does sound like you need this job though. Could you try it for six months and see how you go but keep an eye out for a job with a better commute at the same time?

I wouldn’t worry about the 18 year old (when I was that age my mum lived in London Monday to Friday to save the commute and only came home at weekends!) but can see how you would worry about the 13 year old.

I do 60 minutes door to door to one office, 100 minutes to the other. its not too bad i think

What choice do you have? Take the job, and make it work. Ring the kids while you're en-route and have a chat with them about their day. A 30 minute phone call while you're driving will do wonders to keep in touch with what's going on with them, and make them feel less alone. Load up some podcasts onto your phone or get an audio book, and make the journey interesting.

If they catch a bus to school, for the odd times that the bus journey gets wrong, get the Uber app on their phone, so they can call a taxi and it gets paid for with a card. (Perhaps set up a separate account with a small amount of money in it for these type of things).

If the DC need you to buy things, get them to text you, and get it through Amazon.

Put up a white board so that you can put notes up there for each other. That way they can write something when they think of it, rather than forgetting to tell you when you get home.

You can make it work!

In 6 or so months you can start looking for other work that has less of a commute.

I am currently doing a niche job which is a 80 minute each way commute but at the moment it is only two or three days a week and the other days are home working so it does sort of balance out but even that feels too much some days when it's an eleven hour day. I'm not a lone parent though but do have 4 teenagers at home.

IceQueen - I can relate to that. I was so tired driving home yesterday I actually felt unsafe driving and the fastest road part of my journey is the last part.

As it’s london - why will you be driving? Is it part of the requirement of the role? Is public transport a quicker option maybe?

Btw have done that sort of commute both on trains and tubes when working in town, and also by car driving out to Surrey too - and it’s not so bad but does get to you after a while.