What to think of this?

[PinkGlitter123]

Just wanted an outsiders opinion on this conversation. B in this scenario has inflammatory bowel disease.

A: So how have you been feeling generally?
B:I have good and bad days. The bad days are hard.
A: Well B, I guess its just one of those things you have to deal with. I went to see my friend Mark the other day and he has complications from diabetes and had to have his leg amputated. I guess in that scenario you have to feel grateful.

A is at best a clumsy conversationalist and at worst being insensitive. Depends on the context...

What do you mean by context and what should B do next?

I hate this kind of response! Just because other people have it hard too doesn’t make your difficulties and experiences any less valid.
I’d assume that A was either having a bad day and taking it out on B, or just completely socially inept. Either way, I’d probably say something along the lines of “everyone has their own difficulties” and then not look for sympathy from A again in future!

You could go with, 'Did you mean to be so rude?'

Presuming you're b.

I don't think there's anything too awful about it. People say stuff. I doubt there was ill-intention.

B said 'Well, it can be horrible what with work and everything. When you are in pain it makes things hard.'

I now wish I had said more as starting to feel pretty angry 😐

B either doesn’t have any clue on how hard As condition can be or B has had some bad news themselves that makes everything else seem irrelevant, either way B wasn’t a good friend, I would probably reply ‘Well did you say he still has one leg which is better than a double amputee, he should be grateful as that’s the same logic’
Health conditions are all relative and it’s not a competition, empathy and support should be valid to all.

I got my A & B mixed up FFS!!

By context I mean if it's someone B doesn't know well or is a casual acquaintance, I'd just chalk it up to A being useless.

If B knows A well and A is aware of the struggles B is having, then its insensitive and rude. Just because A's friend is also having a hard time, that doesn't negate B's difficulties at all. A shouldn't be telling B to basically deal with it

Fellow IBD’er here 😢, unfortunately I think the best approach for B is to nod and stay quiet, or just say ‘you don’t understand- it’s not really comparable’.
No one without IBD will understand what it is like the have food poisoning symptoms (and worse) every day of their life.

They do know each other well so it did sting a bit. I know I can be very oversensitive so wanted General feedback and advice on what to say next.

IBD is not just a tummy ache. A was horribly rude and insensitive. Never make assumptions about how someone else feels or what might be worse. It is very bad manners and just shows how uninformed you are.

I’ve changed my mind..., If you were really pissed off with them you could also talk about fistulising abscesses, looking like a blood bath every time you rush to the loo, joint pain, eye problems and drugs that attempt to keep in remission that may give you a fatal cancer.

I mentioned joint pain the other day and they know I have also experienced bleeding from the backside. 😐
I am thinking of leaving the ibd booklet I got given at my diagnosis so they can educate themselves

I find generally people really don’t understand or say, oh yes I know x who has IBS, and I say it’s really not the same. I CBA to contradict them most of the time though!

Is A always like that?

And I hate that sort of response. I mean, I know that odds are, no matter what your problems are, someone else somewhere has bigger problems.
But A pointing out that someone else is having a horrible time too does absolutely nothing to help B. All it does is give the impression that A is minimising / doesn’t care about B’s troubles.

A has also said -

"I never see (Pinkglitter) eat or drink anything, is she a robot?' to his child a few months back. This was when I was newly diagnosed and struggling (He knew all this.)
I don't know if he means to be rude or if its just clumsiness or nerves 😐

A was abrupt and it's not a competition, however if B complains or is negative everytime they are simply asked how are you, I can see that A might have lost patience and night have been highlighting that diabetes is also a lifelong awful condition and maybe that friend has a more positive outlook even though he's had a leg amputated

Since someone will always have it better should you never be happy? No? Well just because someone has it worse it's still bad!

Hate these people.

And I do know how tough both conditions are I have family members with Crohn's, colitis and type one diabetes (four different people), any long term illness is awful to have to deal with

I am not always negative. I normally just say 'I have good and bad days.' Maybe I am being unfair as they do always ask how I am.
I guess its more clumsiness and just not getting it? Rather than anything malicious/rude.
I think leaving the ibd booklet in their house is a good idea. They can then get educated.

I never see (Pinkglitter) eat or drink anything, is she a robot?' to his child a few months back

This just proves they have no clue what IBD is and what the symptoms are. You could have said ‘yes I have to starve myself, so I can leave the house’, but like I said earlier more often than not I CBA going into it with people. I’d tell them all the gory details just once, then revert back to nodding and staying quiet tbh.

Don’t you think A was just trying to say there are other people in the world who could be worse off ( and as someone who has colitis I get how bad IBD is.) I agree it was clumsy however

Yes perhaps there was no malice in it, just clumsy maybe.

I have similar reactions to my son’s chronic condition which no-one seems to appreciate.

I shrug & smile or say, “well, it’s not a competition”.

If someone really gets my goat, I say, “if I had a broken leg & was in a hospital bad next to an amputee, would that make my pain less?”.