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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Blatantly ignored .. partners response

33 replies

Alfiesmom15 · 06/06/2019 18:02

So today I went up to my local town on lunch break and I saw a member of my partners family, I said hiya you alright (as anyone would) and she literally put her head up in the air and stomped past me. So I text my partner, baffled.... he text her... she text back saying she didnt and then again ten mins later telling him I'm pathetic just because I saw her doesnt mean she saw me... (I could literally touch her she was that close she did see me and this isn't the first time she blatantly ignored me) now it's all whatever they dont like me I can live with that, its annoying but whatever... my aibu is my partners response was... I'm not taking sides I'm piggy in the middle I was just asking come and see me I havent seen you in ages..... how would any of you take that message?? I dont see any backing here on my behalf basically I would read that as a dismissive text it's not believed and how little I'm thought off... surely someone you have been in a relationship with for 6 years would have my back a little more...

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/06/2019 18:05

You say it's not the first time she's blatantly ignored you.

How many times has she done it before and have you ever asked her why?

Original poster
Alfiesmom15 · 06/06/2019 18:12

No I've never asked her... my partners always ignored the fact shes done it.... when most of his family on his moms side have blatantly done it hes not said anything.... only the once about his brother and his mom was just like shes not going to discuss it or shell say something she regrets.... (i have NEVER been rude disrespectful or ignorant they've just been like it since the first time I've met them)

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 06/06/2019 18:28

I think you are taking it very seriously and personally- it doesn't necessarily mean what you think.

I'm not great with faces, and I hate seeing people I may know. I duck and hide in hope they won't notice. My DH has autism. He simply doesn't notice people around him- they are obstacles to negotiate around.

Just because people don't greet you doesn't mean they don't like you or are ignorant. It can mean many many things.

TheRealShatParp · 06/06/2019 18:33

Your partner hasn’t done anything wrong, in my opinion. Why should he take sides?
What do you want him to do? He texted and the family member said they didn’t see you. What now? He accuses her of lying? Why would you want that kind of drama?

Just forget it.

Original poster
Alfiesmom15 · 06/06/2019 18:39

I'm not asking him to take sides.... I'm asking for a scrap of support... she did see and they are the sort of family who will go up to people and chat.. I'm not asking for an argument.... but since day one not once have I been defended when I've had to put up with all the crap, I've just sat there and took it when I've been disrespected and humiliated... I just think maybe after 6 years he could say; hey maybe you could show her a bit of respect... she was in touching distance right in front of me so there was no way she didnt see me. .. and why straight off the bat start calling me pathetic?

OP posts:
Original poster
Alfiesmom15 · 06/06/2019 18:41

Just forget it? I'm starting to get fed up of having to just forget it

OP posts:
NoBaggyPants · 06/06/2019 18:42

Why do several members of his family dislike you? There has to be more to this.

Original poster
Alfiesmom15 · 06/06/2019 18:50

Because indont have enough money in the bank.... I work 5 days a week and I dont own my own house .... my partner went backwards when he got with the likes of me so and so had their own house by now....

OP posts:
Original poster
Alfiesmom15 · 06/06/2019 18:53

The first time my parnltners mom ever met me my partner was upstairs getting ready... she walked in rutted and went and stood outside until my partner came down, we then went for a meal someone was talkin to me and in front of the whole table she asked them why they were speaking to me (his response was well someone's got to... not I'm a rude way I think he was making a point) like I said since day one I've put up with and as far as I'm aware I've never done anything untoward to any of them, all the times they slagged me off or moaned it's about what things I dont own or or my holidays are good enough.... never anything personal about me as a person

OP posts:
Seniorschoolmum · 06/06/2019 18:54

Oh God, I do things like that. I’ve completely ignored my brother’s two daughters despite walking within 6” of them.
I was in a hurry and absorbed with my thoughts. I. Honestly didn’t see them, it wasn’t on purpose.

So don’t assume she saw you. She may have been thinking of something else.

Original poster
Alfiesmom15 · 06/06/2019 18:54

Tutted not rutted... stupid spellcheck

OP posts:
Prisonbreak · 06/06/2019 19:06

No I don’t think this would bother me. This person has ignored you before and yet you contact your OH for an explanation. He wasn’t there and can’t really do more than he has. It doesn’t seem like a big deal though

Zbag · 06/06/2019 19:10

Its quite simple, just never have anything to do with his family. Don't say hello anymore and don't try and make an effort

SavingSpaces2019 · 06/06/2019 19:11

but since day one not once have I been defended when I've had to put up with all the crap, I've just sat there and took it when I've been disrespected and humiliated...
Well more fool you for putting up with this for 6 bloody years!

Where's your self respect?
Why are you still with this un-supportive twat?
Obviously 'loving' him and despite his other qualities he still doesn't respect you enough to stand up for you - or even with you.
Why are you still going up to these people knowing that they will ignore you?
Do you think if you beg and shout and make a drama out of it long enough that your spineless partner will suddenly man up and his rude/ignorant family will suddenly accept you?

Stop being a doormat and get rid of the lot!

Rainbowknickers · 06/06/2019 19:41

To be fair I’ve been known to stand 3 inches from my step daughter and I just didn’t see her
I seem to have some sort of blindness
I do however know the type of person she is and they get pleasure from causing this sort of shit
I’d just let it go and now you know where you stand with her-and I’d just ignore her unless I have to speak and then I’d just be polite

Alb1 · 06/06/2019 19:50

You no this person doesn’t like you and has ignored you before, you say hi anyway, get ignored again and then expect your partner to start an argument over it for you when he wasn’t even there, this whole event is daft. It’s a person who doesn’t like you, so just ignore them too and there’s no problem. I wouldn’t say hi to someone who’s ignored me before.

Your partner never supporting you is a different issue tho, but if he’s always done it and you’ve always put up with it (because you havnt left) then he’s not going to change, i no it’s not as simple as just leaving but maybe this can motivate you to start looking at options.

Ravingstarfish · 06/06/2019 19:53

Why do you bother?
And why text him to tell tales?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/06/2019 19:56

Agree with SavingSpaces2019.

saraclara · 06/06/2019 19:57

This whole texting thing is ridiculous. How did you expect her to respond to a text demanding to know why she didn't acknowledge you?
You and your other half have only made things worse.

Original poster
Alfiesmom15 · 06/06/2019 20:09

Texting to tell tales? Because believe it or not it actually upsets me that for no reason at all I'm treated as a second class citizen, and of all people I should be able to tell is my partner.... of all people who you would think would actually defend me a little bit is my partner ..... I never expected my partner to go fall out with his family I never have hence why I've put up with it for 6 years... they're his family I dont expect any of them to fall out. I didnt ask whether it's all warranted to be treated like shit because I put myself in the situation to say hello in the first place (I know how dare I say hello to someone, what a daft thing to do) .... I asked you whether after 6 years my partner should of defended me more.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alfiesmom15 · 06/06/2019 20:11

My main question was because putting "I'm not taking sides ... and to go and see him" indicates to me that it's not important that I'm treated like that...

OP posts:
saraclara · 06/06/2019 20:18

He wasn't there, so he really can't judge whether she deliberately ignored you or not. So yes, getting him to intervene is unfair.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 06/06/2019 20:26

He’s trying to maintain his relationship with her as he’s just accused her of ignoring you at your request.

You seem to feel like they think you’re inferior to them due to a lack of material things. You could just be projection / assuming that and coming off unfriendly as a result leading to a snowball worsening relationship. Personally, just detach from it and it won’t then upset you and you might be able to rub along okay.

You may have just been fed up and slightly over reacted (it happens) so please don’t waste anymore of your time worrying and getting upset over this. Unless you are about to say he is generally unsupportive and undermines your feelings etc

EKGEMS · 06/06/2019 20:33

Why are any on you doubting the OP? Or there's more to it than what she's saying? This site is chocked full of dysfunctional families and relationships!
I'm so very sorry your partner is unsupportive and his family are assholes!
I would rethink the relationship to be fair-my DH's immediate family can be assholes but wider family much better-he has defended me at least once to a family member but it didn't change the fact I was excluded from the bedside of a dying sibling as I wasn't blood.

Witchofzog · 06/06/2019 20:37

What the actual fuck is wrong with every one on this thread tonight? The op's dp has dismissed how disrespectful and rude his family have been to her and expect her to just suck it up, or even worse, some posters have asked what SHE has done wrong. Why is it automatically something she has done?

Op. Yanbu. You have a dp problem. His sister's reaction smacks of indignation and of someone who has been caught out. He should challenge this to some degree. Especially as it has happenned before and therefore is not due to a misunderstanding.

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