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AIBU?

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Original poster

BF doesn't want to get married yet

52 replies

binhim · 06/06/2019 17:53

Please excuse me if I'm being a hormonal drama queen but quite frankly I'm pissed off.
I've been with my bf two years we have DD together and has taken DS on aswell.

He always says he's going to propose abroad "soon" we went to turkey nothing, Portugal nothing and now we're going to Jamaica and I know he hasn't gotten me a ring.

I asked him whether he still wants to get married and he says yes but just not yet.

He is quite happy to have more kids with me and move into my house which I'm moving to soon but won't marry me.

Aibu to be upset? It just hurts my feelings.

I feel like we will never get married.

OP posts:
Catinthetwat · 06/06/2019 17:55

Why doesn't he want to?

Original poster
binhim · 06/06/2019 17:57

He says he's not ready yet and will propose one day when he's ready.

OP posts:
Whatareyoutalkingabout · 06/06/2019 17:58

So propose then. If he says no you need to think about why. There's no good reason to postpone an engagement unless you're not sure about the person you'd be engaged to. If you feel that strong strongly it you should propose to him and if he says no consider ending things.

NorthernSpirit · 06/06/2019 18:01

You sound desperate to get married and obviously he doesn’t feel the same. Give him time. Looks like you are putting pressure on him.

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 06/06/2019 18:01

Why would you want to marry someone who isn't ready yet? Surely you should get married only if you both want to. I wouldn't be asking him either, he's made it clear he's not ready.

Miniloso · 06/06/2019 18:01

Don’t bother! If he’s moving into YOUR house you stand to lose financially if you get married then ever break up.

I’ll never get married again, I’ve got my own home and I don’t need the worry of having to perhaps sell it one day to pay off an exH!!

Hollowvictory · 06/06/2019 18:06

Why are you having kids with someone who's 'not ready' that's madness! 🤦‍♀️

Merryoldgoat · 06/06/2019 18:17

I don’t think you’re being hormonal, but I think there are a lot of big changes in quite a short space of time that you describe.

How old are your children? Do you currently live together?

Meeting, and having a child together in two years is fast let alone when you already have a child.

You say he’s ‘taken on’ your DS - I cant imagine knowing someone well enough after 2 years to consider such a thing.

I would suggest no more children until you are both on the same page and take some time to establish your relationship.

If marriage is very important to you then you may have to accept you’ll break up down the line, but that’s a lot trickier the more children you have.

glasshalf · 06/06/2019 18:31

I don't see why the need for pressure he says he will I think the "please propose " is a bit needy . Has he ever said anything about not wanting to get married ? I'm sure in time that proposal is coming , maybe stop asking then he can give you a nice surprise when you least expect it Wink

AphidEater · 06/06/2019 18:34

How can he possibly be ready for kids but not marriage?! You can walk away from a marriage - you can’t walk away from kids (unless you’re an arsehole).

It sounds like he’s never going to be keen OP - if he’s not ready after committing to children, when will he be?

NoBaggyPants · 06/06/2019 18:34

Are you buying a house? Why are you not living together as a family now?

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 06/06/2019 18:35

I think 2 years is a very short time to be together before getting married, especially before having a child but since that horse has bolted it's a moot point!

Why are you so bothered about getting married?

birthdaymayhem · 06/06/2019 18:42

So he's ready to have kids but not ready to get married?

I'm confused. Surely children are a bigger commitment than a ring on your finger?

I would not like that.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 06/06/2019 19:49

If he is moving into your home, do you want to get married so soon? It's a commitment to you too and not one I'd be so hasty to make if I had anything to lose.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 06/06/2019 19:50

Why are you having kids with someone who's 'not ready' that's madness! 🤦‍♀️

This

BumandChips · 06/06/2019 19:51

Don’t have more kids with him then. You’ve done quite a lot in two years.

CodenameVillanelle · 06/06/2019 19:56

Is it your own house? Don't get married

MrsGrindah · 06/06/2019 19:57

He is quite happy to have more kids with me and move into my house which I'm moving to soon but won't marry me.

Read that sentence again and again OP.

Mari50 · 06/06/2019 20:03

I've been with my bf two years we have DD together and has taken DS on aswell.
Probably explains how the three kids by three different men thing happens.
Don’t be stupid enough to have any more children with this man, if he isn’t ready to marry you after you’ve had a child together, he isn’t going to be ready ever. Don’t let him move in either.

CruellaFeinberg · 06/06/2019 20:23

Do you work? or are you dependant on benefits? (don't mean to be offensive, but it matters)

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/06/2019 20:30

I’d normally say don’t marry someone you haven’t lived with but you’ve already had a baby together so that horse has bolted.

If you don’t live together how has he taken on your son? Is his dad involved?

You can’t make him propose but tbh I think you’re past the point of a “surprise” down on one knee scenario. You must have discussed planning/going ahead with the baby you share so just have a proper talk about the future and tell him you want to get married. You don’t need a ring, you just book the date and go and give your notice.

Screw not pressuring him, it may only have been two years but you have a family and it’s time for a proper discussion like the adults you both are.

Pinkvoid · 06/06/2019 20:31

Two years isn’t very long. You have the biggest commitment together already, a child. You can’t divorce a child.

I’d give him another year or two and if he hasn’t proposed, ask him yourself. If he says no then you know what to do- leave if marriage is super important to you.

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/06/2019 20:31

I wouldn’t move him in. Sounds like he doesn’t want to marry you because he’s waiting for the 21yo supermodel to come along and decide she wants an ordinary bloke and not a billionaire.

Which probably isn’t going to happen.

sincethereis · 06/06/2019 20:44

You haven’t been together that long and have a child so I’m assuming things when a bit faster due to an (unplanned ?) pregnancy.

I’d say give him time and try not to come across as desperate to get married.

You have a child together that’s a massive commitment you’ve jointly made ( although that’s a commitment to the child not to you)

Barbie222 · 06/06/2019 20:52

I would not live with someone in this situation I'm afraid and would start seeing myself as a single parent and pleasing myself. I imagine that would be the thing that would either make him commit, or send him away, and either way you'd be able to get on with your life. You sound basically separated at the moment, does he just pop round and see his daughter whenever, or have you sorted access times? It sounds like you are being taken for a ride tbh.

I'd say, I'm not sure about living together without being married. Let's agree 50 50 custody of our dd in the meantime. I guarantee he will get down to the jewellers! Do you want that, though?

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