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AIBU?

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Original poster

BF doesn't want to get married yet

52 replies

binhim · 06/06/2019 17:53

Please excuse me if I'm being a hormonal drama queen but quite frankly I'm pissed off.
I've been with my bf two years we have DD together and has taken DS on aswell.

He always says he's going to propose abroad "soon" we went to turkey nothing, Portugal nothing and now we're going to Jamaica and I know he hasn't gotten me a ring.

I asked him whether he still wants to get married and he says yes but just not yet.

He is quite happy to have more kids with me and move into my house which I'm moving to soon but won't marry me.

Aibu to be upset? It just hurts my feelings.

I feel like we will never get married.

OP posts:
IsabellaLinton · 06/06/2019 20:52

He is quite happy to have more kids with me and move into my house which I'm moving to soon but won't marry me

This is madness! Why are you going along with this?

If he doesn’t want to marry you and commit to becoming a family, he doesn’t get the benefit of a family life and a family home. It’s as simple as that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/06/2019 20:55

You have the biggest commitment together already, a child

But OP had her son with her ex who doesn’t seem to be in the picture. Men walk away from their children all the time.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 06/06/2019 20:57

Not ready to get married but ready to create a child with you?

No way would he be moving into my house. He’s either with you, in which case he marries you, or he isn’t, in which case you split up.

Ginger1982 · 06/06/2019 20:57

People who aren't ready to make a commitment like marriage but are quite happy to create children...🙄

OP don't have any more kids with him until he marries you.

IsabellaLinton · 06/06/2019 20:58

You have the biggest commitment together already, a child

If this were remotely true, why do so many men walk away from their children without a backward glance? It’s a bit more difficult when you’ve made a legal contract with each other and have skin in the game.

ScreamScreamIceCream · 06/06/2019 21:01

OP if it is your house in your own name them do not rush to marry him.

In fact it is even better if he doesn't move in.

choli · 06/06/2019 21:13

Ah Mumsnet, where women have kids with men they hardly know on the off chance that one day he will eventually propose.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 06/06/2019 21:14

So you don't live together but you're pregnant.

More fool you for not nailing these facts down prior to conception. Nobody should enter into such a massive legally binding agreement without full conviction. He is right to not rush anything. You're the one who would benefit from a marriage so it's on you to either propose or secure your financial independence.

Mumstheword1987 · 06/06/2019 21:25

I've been with my partner 3 and a half years we have kids together we both want to get married but arent rushing into it due to financial side marriage is not a massive deal if I was you I would wait and see what happens especially with you owning a house soon he will benefit from that if you was to divorce

Holdthedamndoor · 06/06/2019 21:27

So in 2 years, you met this man, introduced him to your child, he took the child on as his own (but doesnt live with you, so not really) and you have also had a baby together.

Jesus wept.

Hollowvictory · 06/06/2019 21:29

Predict baby daddy number 3 by next year

ChicCroissant · 06/06/2019 21:29

Interesting username, OP. Made your mind up already?

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 06/06/2019 21:32

Interesting username, OP. Made your mind up already?

RussianSpamBot · 06/06/2019 21:37

It would appear he doesnt want to marry you at this point. Dont have any more kids with him until the issue is settled, and don't sleepwalk into unmarried cohabiting either. That is, don't move in with him on the assumption that you'll eventually get married. That's not an assumption you can make unless there are firm plans. Assess the issue of him moving in now on it's own terms.

darjeelingisrank · 06/06/2019 21:47

He wouldn't be moving into my house at all much less having more kids with him. In fact, I wouldn't have had a child with a man I wasn't married to at all (lots of 'contraceptive failures' on MN with no one every terminating).

He doesn't want to marry you. So you can use him as Baby Daddy for yet another child and keep him as a pet if you fancy or move on.

cocomelon23 · 06/06/2019 21:49

2 years is not long at all! You moved quick if you've already got a child together.

Ginger1982 · 06/06/2019 21:50

@Mumstheword1987 marriage is actually quite important if you have kids and aren't working or only working part time. You're leaving yourself in a financially vulnerable position.

Mum2jenny · 06/06/2019 21:55

2 years is nothing, why the hurry to get married?

My ds has been with his dp for a much longer time and they have no wish to get married.

Why is marriage so important to you?

FuckMNDoubleStandards · 07/06/2019 00:04

Why are you so desperate to get married? If you're both committed for now, what will a ring change for you? Stop putting pressure on someone to marry you and respect yourself more.

Within 2 years he has his own child with you and taken on someone else's child. That's HUGE change.

Commitment is what is key and if he's committed to your relationship and the children what more could you possibly want?

Slow down a bit. You're wanting everything far too quickly. His opinion also matters, not just yours.

I won't pry in to why you had a child with this man if marriage is so important to you but you do need to slow down and respect his choice to. He has not said no, just said not yet.

If you cannot wait and marriage is so important, leave and don't have any more children until you get that ring on your finger that is oh so important.

AlexaAmbidextra · 07/06/2019 00:09

And yet another one who’s more than happy to spread his seed but doesn’t want to be legally tied to the mother of his child. Why will women never learn? 🙄

NameChangeNugget · 07/06/2019 00:11

Ah Mumsnet, where women have kids with men they hardly know on the off chance that one day he will eventually propose

This exactly..... Hmm

What is actually in it for him, to tie himself legally to you?

timeisnotaline · 07/06/2019 00:15

It does seem like you jumped into having his babies a bit fast, I would slow down on that one! No more until the relationship is more settled. However, if the house is in your name, and he doesn’t have assets so you would stand to substantially lose equity in a split, don’t get married any time soon. You have two children to think of, they need to come first.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/06/2019 01:00

You are

Wasting

Your

Time.

DexyMidnight · 07/06/2019 03:03

OP I'm sorry but I think you've brought this situation on yourself. You had a baby and things didn't work out with the father. That might have been no fault of yours and I can't judge you for it but you then met a new partner and just stumbled into pregnancy again. Whyyyyy?

This guy isn't interested in the long term. It's ok not to want to get married but when someone claims they want marriage but not yet and you have a CHILD together you've got to grow up and start adulting.

Notanidiot · 07/06/2019 03:18

Sorry to be so blunt OP but why would he buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free!

I despair at women who wait and wait for a man to propose. You are not a little girl. If you don't like the current situation and you want to get married, have the conversation with him.

Then decide what you want to do dependant on the answer he gives you. Either way take control of your life and stop waiting around for some man to to decide things for you.

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