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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... to offer some insight into being a wheelchair/mobility scooter user?

72 replies

WiddlinDiddlin · 06/06/2019 17:32

Following the thread that was deleted about scooters, I thought that perhaps there are some things that simply do not occur to those who don't use wheelchairs/powerchairs/scooters or do not know someone who does..

Do feel free to ask questions or offer thoughts, I can only speak for myself and close friends here!

Look down!

Wheelchair users and scooter users are lower down than you, if you look over your shoulder you won't see us (particularly chair users) so if you hear a voice saying 'excuse me' consider turning/looking down, that'd be ace.

Otherwise what tends to happen is I am not heard, the person steps back, hits their ankles on my wheels or footplate and sits on my lap - this is mortifying for them and painful for us both.

Look before you change lanes!

When walking along, before you suddenly stop, step out etc, look down/behind you please.

Power chairs and scooters don't have brakes as such, they stop when the user releases the accelerator and the motor stops turning the wheels - this is rarely instantaneous and even less so on a slope.
On a narrow pavement or path (and a path can appear wide but due to the surface or camber or obstacles it may not actually all be useable to the scooter or chair user), we can't go around you and you stop faster than we do, even if we are moving at under 4mph (my scooter is set to 2.5mph on pavements!).

If the alternative to hitting you is coming off a kerb, we are going to hit you, because coming off a kerb at an angle in almost all chairs and scooters is going to mean the machine tipping over and falling into traffic/off the pavement and believe me when I say, Im going to take your ankles out before I throw myself into traffic!

Don't have your headphones in whilst walking along - the pavements are for more than just pedestrians and wheelchairs and scooters make less noise and are less flexible in their movement than you are.
We do say 'excuse me', sometimes we will use the silly piddly 'bip bip' horn but its very quiet (I am planning a thoroughly illegal billion decibel klaxon for my next power chair!) - if you have rendered yourself deaf through using headphones you could be in for a surprise, particularly if you stop suddenly whilst unaware of what is behind you!

Manual chair users ONLY have their hands for brakes - this means if I've just completed a hard push and my hands are out in front of me, it is going to take me a couple of seconds to get my hands back on the wheels to stop - if it's wet my stopped distance is greater still.

Whilst it might sound sensible to say 'well move more slowly' the fact is with my arms/shoulders as my source of power, I need to build up momentum to counteract camber (yeah those flat pavements aren't actually flat, at all!) and to get up hills - once I've slowed down because you have decided to step in front of me and move at a snails pace, I've lost that momentum and can't get up the hill or, it's going to cause me a lot more effort and pain.

Doorways!

Sometimes, help is appreciated, but be aware I may need more room than you think and if your feet are in the way, it's going to hurt... Ask, and if the answer is 'no thankyou' then give the person space.

For a manual chair user opening a heavy door that opens towards me, I have to roll back and swing the door at the same time - if you are crowded behind me, I'm going to hit you, if I move so slowly to take your presence into account, I don't have the momentum to open the heavy door - so if the answer to 'can i help' is 'no thankyou' you can still be helpful by giving me the space to open the door!

Power chair users won't need to roll back so swiftly as the weight of their chair will out weight the door, but they still need space and cannot look behind them whilst at the same time trying to look forward and manage the door.

If double doors need opening, often the wheelchair user can hold one door open whilst you open the other, you rarely need to hold BOTH doors and most people really don't like trying to get under your armpit and try to avoid your feet whilst you try to lean over and do both doors at once!

Disabled toilets!

Whats on the floor goes on our wheels, which goes on our hands- manual chair users are rarely fond of child pee and toilet water all over the floor so if you have used the changing facilities in the disabled loo, be a sweetie and wipe the floor after you?!

Disabled toilet doors open outwards - manual chair users need to shove the heavy door HARD so it opens and they can roll out, pushing gently means the door weight pushes the chair back.

Do NOT stand outside a disabled toilet within range of the door, they are heavy, will knock a child flying and will hurt an adult. Certainly do not let your child lean up against the door if you don't want them to hear a ton of swear words and be sent flying when I struggle to get out!

Going down a nice smooth slope in a manual chair can be a ton of fun - please do not glare disapprovingly as I take my hands off the wheels and scream WHEEEEEE or POWERRRRRRR... we all get our kicks where we can!

Not all chair users are unable to stand/walk - I think this one IS becoming more widely understood now, in fact MOST chair users CAN stand briefly and many can walk v short distances. Please don't look surprised when I stand to reach something off a high shelf!

Oooh and, I appreciate people keeping toddlers out of the way, I really hate running them over as they make a lot of noise and mess in the wheels.... but you don't have to shout at them angrily and apologise to me for their mere existance several feet away, I'd rather kids WEREN'T terrified of looking at or even existing, within range of a wheelchair user.. we don't generally bite!
I do come across a lot of kids who stare, and for smalls thats fine, I don't mind and I am not offended, I might smile and wave or pull a silly face even - but SO many of them are shouted at, because I assume the parent is embarrassed that their child has looked at me... there is no need :) I won't burst into flames!

OP posts:
PerkingFaintly · 06/06/2019 20:06

Very often [...] I am happy to wait for lifts etc because I am sitting down, and I am well aware because I used to be one, that there are the invisible disabled in lots of pain, trying to stand up.

This!

If you're one of those in pain, or exhausted, please don't think I'm Angry at you in the lift. More quietly thinking, "Yeah, surely some of you know you're the ones who could make this work properly for everyone." But I wouldn't usually know who.

WiddlinDiddling · 06/06/2019 22:38

Oooh don't know how I forgot this...

Some wheelchairs have anti tip wheels, small castors sticking out the back a few inches off the ground.
They are unfortunately right at ankle height, so please be aware when passing behind a wheelchair user... This brings me to the other thing I forgot..

If you kick or knock my chair, that can cause me pain. None of us like being jolted but if like me, a wheelchair user has chronic pain, joint pain, muscle spasms etc, it can really hurt us.

So try not to kick us in passing, also no you can't lean your bike against my chair on the train (Yup. Really.)

Sirzy · 06/06/2019 22:47

I love this thread!

Ds is an occasional wheelchair user, because his chair has the anti tip wheels at the back the blocking of dropped kerbs really annoys me because they make it harder to get it up any sort of lumps!

Also if you see a child in an “oversized buggy” that is a SN buggy so please apply the same rules as for any other wheelchair. Since we have moved to a wheelchair I have been amazed how different peoples attitudes have been.

Sirzy · 06/06/2019 22:58

Also if you are in a cafe or similar that is over two floors and you are able to sit upstairs, especially if it is busy, then please do.

It’s frustrating to go somewhere and not be able to access it but know there will be plenty of spaces upstairs where you can’t get

GlitterNails · 06/06/2019 23:06

Great thread.

Those that let wheelchair users on lifts first - it's really appreciated! We need room to maneuver into position and being crowded makes that tricky. And if it's somewhere busy and you are physically able to let someone get on the lift in your place (i.e. no chronic illness) it will make a huge difference in our day - honestly.

As long as you say things nicely - i.e. the person asking about the bus, it's not an issue. I'd happily move around to allow a pushchair on the bus if asked nicely.

Banging the chair as you go past is really annoying as it bloody hurts. Leaning on the chair is really rude also.

I had a manager once hang her handbag on my wheelchair as she arrived at a meeting. Not cool. I do however very happily put heavy bags on the back of my chair for friends/family - the issue was she didn't ask and was acting like my chair was a convenient hook for her to use!

SilverySurfer · 07/06/2019 00:19

Every time I go out on my scooter I curse my local council because the pavement surface is so cracked and potholed that my whole body is shaken up. Then like last week, I decided to try a different route and after reaching the end of a lengthy pavement, there was no dropped curb so had to turn round and go back to the beginning where there were dropped kerbs so I could cross the road. At some point I will get mad enough to challenge my local councillor to do my regular journey to the doctor's surgery with me on a scooter and see how they like it.

I loathe trying to shop at Christmas. It's bad enough even ordinarily in big stores like M&S where there are rows that are not wide enough for a scooter/wheelchair and even if you did manage to squeeze through, there's no turning room. At Christmas every store has stuff piled high at the beginning and end of each aisle and it's almost impossible to shop.

I politely e-mailed a bookstore explaining they had placed displays on tables so close together near the entrance, it was impossible to enter their store in a wheelchair or scooter. Their response: order online. When I go to a bookstore I want to be able to browse, if I can't they don't get my custom. Their loss.

All the pedestrians who walk towards me looking down at their mobile phone should try look up occasionally and then they won't crash into me although I have by this time stopped and shouting 'excuse me' they are oblivious.

What I also dislike, is at checkouts sometimes the person in front will kindly offer to put my shopping on the conveyor belt. Sometimes I accept but I usually thank them and explain I can do it myself. It's the ones that don't even look at me, let alone speak, who take everything out of my basket and pile it up on the belt. I then feel I have to say thanks, usually through gritted teeth.

Now I've had a good moan I'm wide awake and not going to sleep Smile

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/06/2019 01:09

I actually did invite my local Rights of Way officer out for a ride on an off road mobility scooter to check some of the public footpaths with unnecessary stiles and inaccessible kissing gates.

I got the company that made my scooter to bring us one for the test and took this lass round the grass verge of a roundabout on a busy road, where you have to lean uphill to stop the scooter tipping, the ONLY way to access a footpath network that then led to miles of accessible routes... because of 1 stile, and a lack of dropped kerbs.

She went a very funny shade of green and the stile was replaced within weeks!

OP posts:
Anarchyshake · 07/06/2019 01:12

My biggest issue with when I've needed a chair, is how mortified I feel. I've had an oversized embarrassment complex since I can remember. Couldn't even use crutches without feeling everyone's eyes on me, when I was at college and had a broken foot.

You're either stared at, or ignored.

This post is epic and important and I hope a lot of people are reading it

Lunde · 07/06/2019 01:34

It is never, never, ever, acceptable to grab someones' wheelchair handles and yank them backwards so that you can push past them in a supermarket!

It is also extreme rudeness to tell a rollator user that they should get out of the lift to make way for them and their 6 beer crates.

When parking next to a car displaying a blue badge consider how much room will be needed to get a wheelchair or rollator to access either side. It is a surprising number of people that will block a BB user from being able to return to their car.

littlewhitething · 07/06/2019 10:31

Guess what? I'm a full time electric wheelchair user and would like to add some more points:
On a bus, I usually have to reverse into the wheelchair space or do a sort of 3 point turn. If your feet are in the way after I have politely asked you to move them, do nt scream blue murder when I run them over. In addition, your empty shopping trolley will not come to any harm if you move it a couple of feet temporarily so that I have enough room to manoeuvre.
Doors opening outwards are very difficult for me to negotiate, especially fire doors. I have broken my foot on one at the doctors (now changed surgery) so yes, please, I would appreciate some help.
Take your effing dog pram out of MY space on a bus. Your dog has a leg at each corner and can move better than me! If you are taking it to the vet, please make other arrangements and if it's just because the dog is elderly, confine yourself to local trips.
No, I can't move sideways
No, I didn't know you were going to stop dead right in front of me so I bashed your ankles.
No, your kid can't have go, even if he/she would like to. I'm stuffed without my chair. Get him/her a scooter
No, I am not grumpy, just in pain and sick of repeating myself 2000 times.
Please let me get off the bus even if you have to get off and then back on, ditto let me on the bus
Yes, you will have to move your double buggy with a 3 year old playing with your phone and nobody on the other side
Yes, I'm sure your £800 fancy travel system that is half the size of a family car WILL fol if you put half as much thought into it as you did buying the overpriced piece of designer tat in the first place
Ah yes...dropped curbs. Yes it is illegal to park over one you twat

Confuzzlediddled · 07/06/2019 10:47

All good points, if I can add that I don't use a mobility scooter because I'm lazy, or to annoy others, or because I'm not 'properly' disabled. I use it because getting it changed my life, I can go to the shops, I can take my children to the park, I can even go to the cafe down my street or the doctors across the road as otherwise they would be too far to walk.

I don't run people over, I can drive it well (I even have a pass for the bus to prove it!) I am as entitled to use the pavement as a pedestrian is.

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/06/2019 15:18

Ooh yeah...

If I am on my mobility scooter, i get glares and stares - obviously am fat lazy bitch, should probably get a job and go on a diet stop eating pies I'd be able to walk then...

In my wheelchair, rarely any glares and stares, am obviously genuinely disabled person who is unfortunately fat due to being disabled..

I've even had the SAME PEOPLE, glare at me one day on the scooter and smile and say hello the next in the wheelchair (small rural town life for ya, you'll almost always bump into the same people over and over).

It is definitely them and not me, I smile and say hello to everyone, I am annoying like that Grin

For those who shove luggage in the disabled accessible spaces on trains and then wander off to sit out of sight of your baggage... one day you'll be on the same train as me.
Whilst I am a cripple, I also have awesome upper body strength so please know that your bag will be returned to the platform, by me, should it be in my way!

OP posts:
mbosnz · 07/06/2019 15:27

Thank you so much for this - really informative (and sometimes bloody hilarious!)

SilverySurfer · 07/06/2019 17:16

Just thought of another moan Smile

I went on my scooter to Currys with a friend to buy a special telephone as I'm hard of hearing.

Woman walks over, looks at my friend and asks if she can help. I replied, 'yes, I am looking for a telephone with extra volume'. She leads us to an aisle and again makes eye contact with my friend and gives info about a telephone. I said 'excuse me, I am the one buying the phone, I don't think this one is quite right, do you have anything else?' She moves further down the aisle to a different phone and gives all info to my friend again. I was so mad without a word I backed my scooter down the aisle and out of the shop. My friend subsequently joined me and says she thought it was rude of me to leave without a word. I explained why and she just didn't get it.

It's the invisibility thing, it drives me mad.

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/06/2019 17:53

I don't often get the 'invisible, talk to the other person' thing..

I think its because a/ im a loud gobshite, b/ im either with my sister who will rip shreds off someone who does it (actually I sort of wish she wouldn't as her idea of 'assertive' is actually everyone elses idea of 'aggressive and fucking scary') or c/ im with my OH who is autistic and highly unlikely to know the answers to the question OR want to speak, so he will go 'i dunno ask her' and point at me.

Here's one I think is funny... so if you go somewhere in a wheelchair with a person on foot.. thats ok, you get the odd look but you know, nowt out of the ordinary there.

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 07/06/2019 17:57

Oh pissflaps, hit return too soon...

If you go out with ANOTHER friend who is a wheelchair user... you get looks.. is it 'special day out'...

If you go out with a friend and you are both in POWER CHAIRS.. everyone around you is desperately looking for your carer as they think you have escaped from your special day out on the special bus from special care......

Similarly, if you like me, like to point things out as you travel.. saying innocent stuff like 'ooh a doggy' or 'ooh, labrador' or 'ooh a sheep'... whilst standing, walking etc.. fine, normal, no issue.

Now try sitting in a wheelchair and going OOH A DOGGY...

Yeah. Grin Grin

Sometimes if I think folk are looking a bit too rudely, I WILL do a very good impression of Andy from Little Britain... 'I WANT THAT ONE...' 'I DON'T LIKE IT'.

Not only is it the ONLY accurate impression I can do, but I can do it really loud too Grin

OP posts:
mbosnz · 07/06/2019 18:00

I noticed when my daughter was in a wheelchair following an accident that people seemed almost embarrassed by her? It was weird. And the way that people would knock the wheelchair as they went past!

SnugglySnerd · 07/06/2019 18:09

What a great post. I find it tricky enough pushing a tandem buggy along the uneven pavements with all the tree roots, street furniture and badly parked cars. I often wonder how wheelchair users manage. I think there's a special place in hell for people who park across the pavement/over dropped kerbs!

Butterfly02 · 07/06/2019 18:24

My partners biggest bug bear is if we're out shopping I'm in the wheelchair ask a question / pass an item to be paid they talk to him not me - he now just turns away so they have no choice but to talk to me. Just because someone has a disability doesn't mean they can't talk / are not able to participate in daily life just means we often have to find different ways of doing everyday tasks. In fact most of us are very good at conversation as we spend half our lives on the phone chasing up hospital appointments, appealing our turned down benefits claims and fighting for things most take for granted.

SilverySurfer · 07/06/2019 19:20

Butterfly02 absolutely.

SnugglySnerd I agree and then there's the day the bins are put out, waiting for collection. Most of the streets here are house/ pavement/ grass verge/ road and it would be great if they put the bins on the grass verge but no, in the middle of the pavement, usually too heavy to shift whilst sitting down, grass verge is churned up by cars having parked on it so it's like doing a slalom up to a bin, then down nearest dropped kerb into road, along and up next dropped kerb, along pavement until next bin and so on. It doubles the length of journey.

Orbison · 07/06/2019 19:25

Just like to add a bit to this great thread.
A tip for drivers.
Don't assume someone crossing the road in a power chair, scooter is out of the way as they near the kerb - a friend I had would reverse back halfway across the road without looking to get the momentum to bump up the kerb if she doesn't make it the 1st time...or the 2nd etc.

Same thing when I'm crossing the road heading for the dropped kerb and a pedestrian is walking across the dropped kerb bit - means I have to stop dead in the road and wait till I can get on the pavement.

littlewhitething · 07/06/2019 19:26

I have actually said to people ignoring me 'excuse me, it's my back that's buggered, not my brain!'

aLilNonnyMouse · 07/06/2019 19:39

The only thing I have to add is "Please don't talk to the person with me instead of directly too me if you have a question".

So many times people seem to assume it's my brain that doesn't work instead of my spine. The "Is she ok?" or "Does she need any help?" directed to whoever I'm with just makes me feel like I'm not a real person.

Pericombobulations · 07/06/2019 19:41

This is great. Have just purchased my first scooter, can people remember that some of us are still getting used to driving our scooters and may need an L Plate again! I did have a long think about scooter or power chair but most of the places I need to go are outside on grass so I need something that can cope. Still learning on a crash cross so to speak.

I love the freedom of being able to get to places that would normally exhaust me, but first time in a scooter I did suddenly become invisible to a lot of people. They would walk in front of me and suddenly stopped and were surprised I was there. I was forever loudly saying "Excuse me" but often still ignored.

I too feel like they look at me as the fat lazy middle aged woman (MS here too). However, it was at a show and the stall holders were helpful, telling me not to get out of the scooter, they would bring anything to me, so people get it.

Loyaultemelie · 07/06/2019 19:49

This thread should be published in many public places. Until recently I was one of the invisible disability people trying not to cry or faint in the lift, then I broke my knee (ok my bad) then it turned into a complication which will only improve slightly so will be there for life (combined with my existing issues). I have spent a lot of time in a manual wheelchair (frightening) a hired scooter (bloody terrifying as the few people that did notice me seemed to think it was a target) and sometimes when I am feeling "fit" crutches (oh yes you are at eye level now but still subject to people not looking where they are going) and I am constantly amazed how vulnerable and frightened I get (and normally I am no shrinking violet).