To not organise birthday parties for DC.

[Shootingstar1115]

Hi all, my DC aged 8 and 3 (nearly 4) have never had a ‘party’. We have presents balloons and cake at home. Rather than a party we have a day out - a theme park, the zoo, the seaside etc and usually tea out. DS has always been happy with this. He has asd and would find a party overwhelming.

DD is 4 soon both my DM and MIL are expecting me to hold some big party with her Pre-school friends because if I don’t she will miss out (according to them)

I just couldn’t think of anything worse at this age. 20-30 little kids to entertain whilst all their parents watch the from sidelines.

Please tell me DC aren’t missing out because they don’t have big parties??

It’s not like we don’t celebrate. We always have a great day doing our own thing, presents, cake, balloons, banners, a day out, tea out and visit family.

My mum used to organise parties for me as a youngster and I always hated them. I have always been an anxious person who hates being the centre of attention so I feel like them she forced them on me and I don’t have particularly fond memories of them.

Surely I’m not the only one who thinks having a large party is unnecessary??

I agree they aren't required, but if your dd would like a party when older then in would be nice to try to do something, even if it's a smaller party.

I agree that she will get fewer invites to parties if the invite isn't reciprocated, which is fine if a dc doesn't like parties, but difficult if they do.

Do what is right for your DCs.

I did a couple of family/ friend tea parties when mine were little. DS2 had an outing one year because his birthday is around the time that Easter floats which can affect our plans. A couple of whole class parties in the early years of school when they get on with everyone generally but not fixed groups of friends. DS1 is on a waiting list to investigate ASD. He has a couple of good friends and tends to be liked. At a party, he will often do his own thing but he likes that the company is there for him. He's also quite mercenary about presents . Days out options are limited due to the season and proliference of Santa!

We're now at the decreasing numbers and being more selective about friends stage.

My only issue about other parents has been that the ones who have messed me around over the years happen to have been ones that have never hosted a party. (Randomly turning up, asking if they can come with 2 hours notice) Not hosting in itself is not a problem as different things work for different people.

Do your children want a party? What would you do if they asked for one? Are you sure you’re not just avoiding them because of your anxiety?

You don’t have to entertain lots of children. I’ve never held a whole class party, at the most we have had 15 children who the DC have chosen. Soft play parties are dead easy, you turn up with a cake. They do everything including food and cleaning up.

Nothing wrong with a day out btw, we tend to have a party around the time of their birthday and then a day out when we can with family.

No, I don't think a 4-year-old is missing out by not having a huge party! Many small children (and some older ones) do not enjoy enormous parties; and may behave badly under the pressure. On the whole, I think that if the children are young enough to still need their parents there, a big party isn't the best option, I think what you are doing is great! However, if she wants a big party when she gets a bit older, it would be a kindness to give her one if it's possible . PS: how is it the business of the grandmothers (I assume that neither is living with you?, unless they themselves wish to host the parties?

Does your daughter want a party?

Sorry, the whole thread didn't load!

I'd go with what you think she'd be happiest with.