To think if DS was behind by a year 12 months ago....

[Pimperknickel]

And is still a year behind now, that he won't catch up ever??
Or is there seething I'm doing wrong or. Not doing that can catch him up?

DS started nursery at pretty much nag in 3 years. He was estimated to be about a year behind in everything but speech which was even further behind.

He had a huge leap over the last 6 months in speech but we still miss lots of consonants especially at the start and people do struggle massively to understand him. This obvipy impacts on other areas of scho and socialising.

He's recently turned 4 and he's 12 months or so behind on everything. He's 36-50 months emerging for things like maths, 24-36 for literacy, developing or sustained generally, 24-36 emerging for speech.

I just fe like he's never going to catch up or he needs better parents!!

Anyone got any tales of hope? I don't want him growing up knowing he's the most behind in class and whilst we never would, kids know these things.

We discussed holding him back and scho deterred us. I'm thinking this was a mistake.

Don't lose hope! Plenty of children your son's age are in the process of being assessed to see what sort of help will work best for them and then come on in leaps and bounds once their issues are identified and supported - are his nursery pursuing an EHCP for him?

mine never did hes 8 now but mentally 4-5

he didnt walk till 18 months but was fully toiled trained at 2 and half(never did pottys)as we did cloth and he was a big baby/toddler and he outgrew them quick

he started reception against my wishes tbh(never agreed with the school system) at 4 and a few weeks as i thought he legal had to
he was still non verbal at the time(didnt talk till 6 and half) i didnt want him to go as he was to young(i knew he had disabilities but no one was listing),he was happy enough there but being bigger than norm(in 6-7 clothes at this point)more was expected of him straight away and he was treated like the oldest of the class but when they relisted he was mentally 2-3,they knew he didnt talk before hand as i told them i didnt want him there as hes to young, i was told he has to start school at 4

i tried my hardest to get him deferred to the lower year (so a year later starting) i even threatened with not sending him but they were having none of it and reckoned i would get in trouble legally(i didnt know about home education then)

i never had a hv as i opted out at birth and never did nursery(reason as above) so full time school was his first experience of professionals

y1 came around and he was still nursery level or below(spent the year playing or coloring in the corner or another room as he wouldnt join in with anything),they said to keep him in reception as hes a summer born he can legal repeat the year(not amused at this as i wanted that the year before)

he did that and still no progress,2 years of just playing at this point and me going mental every few weeks about taking him out as hes not ready for it,threatened with legal action again,i knew he had disabilities as i had a older one with them but they and the doctor wasn't listing(bloody obvious at that point)so i had no one to turn to

leaving reception came around(2 years in by now) and they put home in a y2/y3 class(still non verbal and on a nursery level)when he should have gone to y1(different head by then)and they expected him to be 6/7 and do y2 work

i then discovered home ed(no special schools around here only village schools) and took him out christmas tern of y2(supposed to be y1)as i had a tit full by now as this was 3 and half years in school playing all day and just doing nursery things he was failed mamssivily,i couldnt change schools as here the village school is for that village alone,same with doctors(think little welsh villages of the valleys of south wales)

hes 9 soon and still mentally 4-5 and still cant read or write no matter how much ive tried but we follow the unschooling approach to home ed

he has adhd,
asd
gdd by 4 -5 years,
pda
spd,
cluster speech
separation anxiety

and they said there was nothing wrong with him

sorry its long

What does he choose to do @Tor8181? Mine sounds similar but an unschooling approach isn't working as all he'll do is lego, the odd board game and screen time.
Who said there was nothing wrong with him - the Senco? GP? Ed Psych? It's my impression that only a psychologist can diagnose ASD even though others might try to deny its existence.
Hand hold for you.
OP have nursery put you in touch with speech and language therapists? Is your DC in reception now - will they get him to repeat reception year without then being forced into year 2 as per age cohort as opposed to summer-born/scottish preference/repeated year. If you can, get them to allow him to do reception twice but then insist he starts year1with his new class, rather than what happened to tor.
The Special Needs board or Primary Education boards might be useful to repost in - they have been really helpful with questions I've had recently.

tor8181 I'm sorry you were let down so much.

DS has an EHCP as he has a minor physical disability that means he needs help with getting around plus the learning delay. He's had a 121 since he started.

He's in nursery in school, reception Sept. My understanding is we could have applied to start reception a year late, and that would follow through but no option to repeat reception and follow through from there. I will speak to school though when we have reception meeting next week and ask on the SEN board. Thank you

Having the right support in place can make a massive difference. Ds (9) was way behind in everything at nursery level. He is autistic so will always have areas where he is struggling and behind his peers.

He has had full time 1-1 for the past year and because that is the right support for him academically he has come on leaps and bounds and is now about where he should be.

Glad it's helped sirzy 🙂
DS has a 121 at school, and will have 121 support next year although they're trying to integrate him into group activities more.

I just worry he's not getting the right support from us, that I should be doing more or pushing more

Op pushing is never going to be a good idea. Always remember your son is who he is. His mental health and happiness, leading to self confidence, is always going to be more important than where he sits in terms of achievement. If you get those bits right you've done a good job.

My ds started school just turning 4 and being a year behind , including speech . I was refused letting him start a year later . So he has been held back a year and is now re doing reception . He’s getting there but still behind others younger than him . I had to fight to keep him in reception as they wanted him to move back up which was ridiculous . It’s very stressful .

He's still very young so try not to panic! N
My brothers were all very slow developers, it was thought at one point one had autism and the other a learning disability. Struggled at school initially, but both now as adults have PhD's and brilliant jobs!

Was a speech and language report produced for the purposes of his EHCP? Local authorities tend to miss those out but it sounds as if it could be helpful, as language is the key to so much learning.

Interesting as your son sounds very similar to my daughter.

My daughter is 7 and her speech has vastly improved over the last two years. The school have followed a speech and language report from the local authority.

My daughter is still behind her other classmates academically but she is slowly catching up.

She has a very supportive school who have given her support with her speech and her school work.

If your in a good school, your child will be fine.

It is silly to lose hope, some children just need more help than others to catch up. Your child will get there, he just needs the extra support.

@tor8181 why did you 'opt out' of having a health visitor 'from birth'? And why did you 'opt out' of sending your child to nursery? All of that early professional help that you could have had...you 'opted out' of!! It might have helped 🤷‍♀️

At the end of year one DS was a good year behind in reading and maths. Now at the end of year 2 he’s pretty much level pegging with his class mates.

I couldn’t read at all til I was 7. I ended up with a law degree from a Russell group uni.

Don’t push him. Encourage him with things he enjoys, but don’t push him academically let him find his own way.

We actually found that keeping school in school helped massively. We don’t do school reading books or spellings, he has just started doing maths homework some weeks by choice.

Like your son mine also has medical issues so I have realised now that happiness is more important and due to the hand he has been dealt lots of things are going to be harder so as much as possible I will keep home a safe space

Oh and phonics is basically terrible for kids with speech issues, you’re telling them letters make a sound they generally don’t make so completely useless. Sight reading works much better

He gets speech therapist as school but they won't see him in clinic 121 until he's 4, I assume September. They tried, he had a bad day and freaked out and they said he wasn't ready. I knew it was just a bad day thing as he's normally fine in clinic settings etc sso long as no one is physically doing stuff but they insisted on waiting. Hoping he'll get an appt through for Sept and in the meanwhile we practise sounds as much as we can. His sentence structure is largely there - just typical poor conjugation for his age etc. It's just what he does say is so unclear to other people. He had tongue tie done July gone which helped (finally!!)

School seem really supportive but I worry about him ment wellbeing if he knows he's bottom of everything regardless of how awesome we tell him he is

Son was consistently 2 years behind with everything, had every intervention going. Now in year 3 and exceeding expectations across the board

If you can defer him a year I'd do it - I can see why they won't let him repeat the year but by starting him late you might just give him that extra time he needs to be ready, especially if he's speech-delayed.

I'm assuming you're in England, but if your DS turned 4 after 1st April, you can still apply for a deferred place for Reception. Go to the school first with his report (that shows where he is delayed), and write down all the things you are concerned about academically, socially, emotionally and physically. Ask for their support in deferring.

If this doesn't work you can put pressure on school by saying that he won't be starting school until Compulsory School Age (beginning of the term after he turns 5). As a summer born this will mean that he goes straight into Y1, having had no time in Reception. This would be awful for him, but very very difficult for the school to manage, so it might give you a little bit of leverage! (you can always threaten it, but put him into Reception in Sept if you decide that that is the best option!)

Whether they support or not, write to the council to request deferring his start in Reception for a year, including all the evidence you can - letter/info from HV, GP, Speech and Language etc, school report, plus all your concerns. There are some good support groups on FB.

Best of luck!

You are not bad parents, you are well aware of his issues and are trying to help him as best you can.
I find the key is not to compare my child to others, but to look at the progress he has made individually over a period of time.

Oh and phonics is basically terrible for kids with speech issues, you’re telling them letters make a sound they generally don’t make so completely useless. Sight reading works much better

Not always - and it may give the OP some hope. DD2 started school with about 25% intelligible speech on a good day to her family (so very little intelligibility to anyone else) - and by the end of Reception it was pretty much fully intelligible, and by the end of Y1 it's young-sounding in terms of her intonation, but it's taken a huge leap.

Phonics-wise they played safe and had her in a lower group to start with - now in top group phonics, reading above age related expectations and on a book band beyond what they have as their aim for the kids in her year group. Even though she couldn't say the sound and would substitute it for something she could say - she still decoded it with the awareness of what the sound SHOULD be if that makes sense. She struggles with tracking text in longer books a bit - but that's easily sorted with a reading ruler and is probably because she's recovering from squint surgery.

Her diagnosis is verbal dyspraxia, also general dyspraxia and a bunch of other stuff. We just fell above the NHS cutoff in our area as her receptive language is good (she can give teddy the blue cup till the cows come home) - so ended up having a private therapist who sees her in school once a fortnight and provides a programme to work on between times.

Oh and phonics is basically terrible for kids with speech issues, you’re telling them letters make a sound they generally don’t make so completely useless. Sight reading works much better

This really isn’t true at all. Sight reading or remembering whole words requires a child to have a large language base and children with speech issues frequently do not.

Since he's summer born you could apply defer his entry to school this will give him a chance to catch up especially with his speach. It's great he's made a years progress in a year not fallen any further behind. Is he receiving speach therapy?

Ds2 was substantially behind at nursery, reception and year1. He met none of his targets at the end of reception and only 1 in yr1. He got a referral to Occupational therapy and had sessions with them over the course of year 2. He has hypermobility and visual processing issues which affected his ability to write plus sensory processing difficulties which meant he shut down in the noisy environment of school and nursery plus a very stubborn nature that meant he refused to "perform" for teachers

He's now at the end of year 3 and meeting all his targets, exceeding some. His handwriting is better than his older brother's (who is now off to OT himself) and he's a happy and popular boy who is enjoying school. We expect he'll need support in secondary for the sensory processing as part of what has helped him is the routine and familiarity of school over the last few years- he's learned to tune out some of the stuff that was overwhelming him.

Ds was 12-18 months behind at his 2 and 3 year eycat assessments. His last one last week at 4.5 years he is now well above 5 years.

Dd also 12-24 months behind at 2 and 3 year. Now just 6 months behind going into school.