To not want any more kids but still feel sad about it

[justanothermn]

Need a bit of a kick up the arse so posting here!

I'm 43. I have one dc aged 7.5. A stressful full on but rewarding career which I love. We are thousands of miles away from family so it's just dh and I juggling childcare lots of friends hobbies etc. Dc is happy. We are very lucky. We sat down and assessed our lives when dc was 3 and said we didn't think it was a good idea to have more kids. We were happy, we had no support, dc was happy, we have money and time to ensure dc can do whatever she wants.

But the last 3 months I have been questioning myself and feeling really sad about it.
The rational side of me is saying you are losing your fertility.. it's hormones .. ride it out! But part of me thinks it's your one chance. Are you absolutely 100 percent sure this is what you want? Then another voice kicks in and says you are only doing this because you are worried about missing out... grass is always greener etc it could be a car crash if you roll the dice .. you are old and risks are high and even at best and all is well you will massively upset family dynamic.

So I'm sure my gut is right it's just my hormones talking and in 2 years I'll be fine and looking back thinking WTF was I thinking! But just wanting to put it all down in writing really!

It's OK to feel sad about it, it's normal. It's a big decision to have made but I think it's the right one op. I'm 38 and have three young dc. I feel quite old especially since I've had the last one who is just 2. I can't imagine what it would be like to have another in 5 years!

Thanks @bobstersmum

Watching the fertility window slowly close can be one of toughest periods of our lives. I’m 47, OP and only now, do I NOT get that pang when I see another pregnant woman. Up until 45, I had broody pangs, even though I didn’t/don’t want another baby. I’m not even interested when I see babies! Haven’t been for years. Yet, I still have those ‘waving fertility off with my white hankie and tears in my eyes’ moments. Even now, a tiny bit.

Life’s menu is far more interesting now than say ten years ago. I don’t feel dominated by the whole ‘baby making’ world that surrounds us when we’re younger. I’m free to raise the family I’ve got... and crack on with that novel I’ll never write.
Getting a dog really, really helped me get over the hump you’re now facing. I got our dog when I was 43.

I adore my pre teens and can’t think of much worse than going back to the baby stage at 40 plus. When I see pregnant woman / toddlers etc I feel relief and pity so can’t really empathise! The only kids I know have a great time. I’m one of 3 and really envied my friend who was an only

Might consider a dog!! 😂

Know what you mean, I'm 3 years older with kids at university and broody as anything. My marriage has recently broken up (not due to this and I'm seriously finding myself daydreaming about meeting someone and having another baby. Of course the chance of conceiving even if things moved fast (so say in 18 months) is very remote, I would be 47! But hormones are crazy things, you get broody and hot flushes on alternating days!

@TheVanguardSix

I'm still hoping I can ride it out with rational thought until Its too late but it is very hard!

I am constantly questioning myself. Dh despairs!

Yes yes yes

I'm 33 soon to be 34 and have a 13 and 10 year old boys.

I would love a child with my now partner but I think deep down I know we shouldn't.
Mine are getting to an age they can start to fend for their selfs and I can have more freedom. (I know selfish)

I dont want to to have to start again and be a parent to a young child into my late 40s.

I want to travel and go out with out looking for a sitter.
Teenagers are hard. Alot harder then I ever imagined. Give me babies and toddlers any day.

But I get sooo Broody its allmost a physical pain. I get really sad that my boys dont need me as much. I miss taking them to the park or playing with them like small ones do.
Guess I'll just wait for grand kids.