Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP was DISGUSTING to do this

55 replies

Spiceupyourlife · 05/06/2019 13:39

So settle a difference of opinion for me.
I think DP is disgusting... he thinks I’m over reacting as about to get married and very stressed.

Today DP was was off work and I was WFH. Asked him to have a tidy as cleaners were coming. He did... but not well... or happily 🙄

So he goes out to run errands and I hear the cleaners arrive. Run into bathroom to check it’s not awful. There’s a sodden toilet roll holder on the floor of the bath and a pair of pants on the floor (DP’s) grab them both and dispose of - carry on WFH

30 mins pass and suddenly I realise ... 🤔 why was it wet? I’d taken a bath and DP had taken a shower (which we keep the empty toilet rolls next to) so assumed it had been that.

Nope, DP just told me that the cat had knocked it into the toilet - instead of taking it to the bin DP had thrown the sodden remains on the floor of the bath- for the cleaners to deal with!

He now claims he didn’t intend he cleaners to deal with it- he threw it in the bath ‘to dry’ 🤔😡

I think it’s lazy and disgusting to not throw something covered in toilet water directly in the bin! It didn’t even cross my mind he would leave it in the bath!

So I spent about 30 minutes sat with toilet water on my hands without realising! I touched my mouth several times and now very worried I’ll get sick!!!

I am a huge germaphobe with OCD! DP knows this!!

OP posts:
MorondelaFrontera · 05/06/2019 14:07

Cleaners don't tidy.

they can, but that takes time. You usually come to an agreement on the jobs on the list with people you employ, nothing wrong with that.

crazyasafox · 05/06/2019 14:07
Biscuit
YetAnotherSpartacus · 05/06/2019 14:08

Can we have a picture of the cat? :)

lottiegarbanzo · 05/06/2019 14:10

He does the majority of the housework does he? Yet you do 90% of the housework?

This is not going to go well. He clearly has no idea what needs to be done to keep a house liveable or nice. I can guarantee he will belittle half of what you do, calling it unecessary, when you do discuss this. You will seethe on, doing work he considers valueless. Resentment will grow.

ThinkPinkStink · 05/06/2019 14:12

'Disgusting' is your OCD speaking (I am speaking as someone with OCD also). But it is a bit disrespectful to leave things that are a bit skanky (pants, wet loo roll, bleeugh).

I tidy for our cleaner too. Everything is put away where it should be, then she can get on with the job we pay her for - meaning we get the best value out of her time.

I also strip the beds (and she re-makes them) and empty the bathroom bin if it has nappies/sanitary products in, I usually try to remember to pre-empty the hoover. Largely so as to remove as many unpleasantness from her job as possible (not that our bedding is especially unpleasant, chance would be a fine thing).

lottiegarbanzo · 05/06/2019 14:15

It is disgusting, in the sense of disgustingly rude, to leave dirty pants on the floor of a room you know a visitor is shortly going to enter.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 05/06/2019 14:18

What housework does he do OP. Does he do it but not to the same standards as you, do you need to redo what he has done. Obviously leaving clothes on the floor when people need to clean is not great but does he generally do this.

Topseyt · 05/06/2019 14:18

He should be picking up his own pants from the floor, and he should also be perfectly capable of putting the toilet roll holders (assuming you mean the cardboard tubes in the centre) in the recycling rather than in the bath to dry.

I don't think it is essential that cardboard is actually dry in order to be recycled. Isn't it pulped down to mush for reuse anyway? They could just have gone straight into the recycling bin, surely?

Toilet water is just water that comes from the same water main as your other water. It is just piped off into the toilet. Urine is sterile when it leaves your body unless you have some sort of an infection. So unless your toilet is utterly filthy (which I highly doubt) then I shouldn't think you need to worry much about germs.

Your DP needs to pick up after himself, and also needs to realise that the cleaner is there to clean rather than to pick up mess all the time.

Other than that, you will be fine.

SavingSpaces2019 · 05/06/2019 14:18

Asked him to have a tidy as cleaners were coming. He did... but not well... or happily.....I mean I’ve tidied for the cleaners the every single other time they’ve come (on a weekly basis for the last 6 months).....I also do 90% of the house work and have planned/ managed the big wedding which he thought was ‘really important’ we have

I'm really curious - why exactly are you desperate to marry this man-child?
Why do want this bullshit for your future?

Find your self respect and get rid of him - at least until he's learnt how to behave like a responsible adult.

Crustaceans · 05/06/2019 14:19

I might have put a sodden loo roll in the bath to dry a bit before putting it in the bin. I’m not sure sopping wet things need to go in the bin. I wouldn’t have cared either way if my boyfriend had done the same.

I’m not sure it’s disgusting in the least. That’s definitely the OCD talking.

Pinotjo · 05/06/2019 14:24

Lol to having a cleaner.
Double lol to cleaning up before the cleaner arrives.
Made my day!

Missingstreetlife · 05/06/2019 14:26

He's a cf and it will be worse when you are married. Read riot act

sweeneytoddsrazor · 05/06/2019 14:29

Also how are you doing 90% if the housework if you have a cleaner? Surely the cleaner does a large %age of it?

billy1966 · 05/06/2019 14:29

Worse than the stupidity is his laziness.

Either the cleaners or you clearly are expected to clean up after him.

Does he respect you?

Certainly doesn't read like he does.

Actually he doesn't sound very nice.

I wouldn't dream of spending my life/marrying someone who thought I should do 90% of the clean up.

That's one of the reasons I'm happily married.

That type of attitude doesn't soon get old and wearing, as married life goes on, particularly if you have children.

It ends up being utterly miserable and exhausting.

Think hard about your future.
Good luck.

SorryDidISayThatOutLoud · 05/06/2019 14:37

The OCD/Hand washing thing. A member of my family has it and what I did was have a pack of Pampers wet wipes available at all times. When she needs to wash her hands she uses one instead. Gentler on your hands than soap and water.

On the cleaning - a lot of cleaners would just leave clothes where they were on the floor and clean around them. That comes under tidying.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 05/06/2019 14:45

Surely you need to dry the toilet roll first or you will get a puddle of toilet water in your bin.

AlaskanOilBaron · 05/06/2019 14:48

Why would you clean for the cleaners? Is that not what you hire cleaners for?

I would not leave dirty underwear on the floor for my cleaner to pick up. It's just having standards, innit?

AphidEater · 05/06/2019 14:51

I think that is a bit gross and especially given that you have OCD - he should be a bit more considerate.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/06/2019 14:55

Why are people talking about 'cleaning for the cleaners'? OP talked about 'tidying for the cleaners' i.e. putting stuff away, so it's possible for them to clean the floor and surfaces.

I didn't realise it was normal to expect cleaners to tidy your house (and know where everything goes) before they start work cleaning. I thought the opposite was true, that if things are too messy they can't and won't clean.

Could one of the 'why would you clean for the cleaners?' posters explain what you mean please?

ThinkPinkStink · 05/06/2019 14:56

@Pinotjo what's the lols with having a cleaner?

It's not really a big deal, if you have more money than time (as the case for loads of working people) it's worth giving someone £25 for the two hours a week you don't have.

BobbyBrewstersMagicTorch · 05/06/2019 14:57

Oh stop being such a drama queen. It's a wet toilet roll. Get over yourself.

Easteronion · 05/06/2019 15:05

Oh dear, just glanced over the thread and thought it was a tale of soggy toilet roll, DH pants on the floor and cleaners finding the evidence of a bit of DH ahem self-indulgence Grin Confused
I need a coffee....

RantyAnty · 05/06/2019 15:08

It was rude to you but it just shows he thinks he is above cleaning. That is something for you or a cleaner to do.

I'd be working on him to truly do his fair share.

IrishGal21 · 05/06/2019 15:16

Are you sure you two are really compatible and want to marry each other???? Doesn't sound like you have too much fun together

MerryBerryCheesecake · 05/06/2019 15:19

He sees whatever teeny tiny little bit of housework he does as some epic herculean struggle, deserving of a three course meal and at least three blowjobs upon completion.

He is utterly blind to the things you do. He probably thinks a bunch of invisible cleaning fairies turn up the minute he leaves for work while you sit on your idle arse all day. He'll imagine you are probably eating a big box of expensive chocolates you have been hiding from him (cos you're greedy and selfish on top of being lazy with housework) while the fairies crack on with it. Of course, you'll also be heartily laughing at him between gooey delicious mouthfuls for being generous enough to do all the hard work at work (cos his job is harder than everyone else's, but especially yours) and the worst hardest bits housework when he finally gets home already exhausted. By bedtime, he will be overtired/running on empty/about to die from overwork.

The Man Martyr and Oblivious Fantasist Husband.

Been there, got several tee shirts.

You will NEVER make him even see your efforts, let alone acknowledge them, or you know, show a modicum of gratitude occasionally.