To think manners seem to be taking a serious hit these days?

[Graphista]

I'm mainly thinking of on the phone as I'm currently housebound but I'm very interested to hear from other less restricted mners and I've noticed several threads where this could apply.

I've had a few "official" calls this week - all from withheld numbers - not ONE introduced themselves/told me who was calling until I finally got a word in to ask! That's another thing they blethers on with what they were calling to say taking barely a breath for check they were talking to the right person.

2 of the calls were regarding medication which was very confusing as I wasn't sure from the way they were talking if it was my GP surgery, pharmacy or hospital pharmacy that were calling! Which made a difference in how I responded. When i asked who was calling I got no apology or acknowledgement of the confusion caused they simply stated who was calling!

I've also had to make a couple of calls and on 2 occasions the person answering didn't even speak! Just waited for me to!

All calls I'm referencing were me and an official organisation/company not personal calls, though I still think there's a certain level of politeness needed for personal calls.

I was taught from a young age that:

if you are calling someone you say who you are, ask for whom you wish to speak with - including saying PLEASE - and then ease into the conversation.

If you are answering a call you say hello (at the very least!) state where the caller has reached (unless a personal call to mobile) give your name "Sharon speaking" and then listen as the caller introduces themselves etc.

I also have an intercom door buzzer.

it's not the safest neighbourhood, we've had break ins in the block and been warned several times by the landlords to be cautious who we admit to the block...

Yet numerous times the buzzer has gone and when I've answered...no response or "lemme in!!" When I've asked who's there I've had a variety of responses from "xx deliveries" (eventually!) to "fuck off! It's none of your business. Just let me in!"

To which I don't buzz them in and hang up!

I was discussing with dd and she thinks I'm a bit old fashioned on the phone thing excepting where it causes confusion or is blatantly rude like not saying ANYTHING when answering a call.

I'm curious what mners think/experiences are.

DaisyChain thank you. I don't use my landline, my parents use that phone you mention. I wish there were an app that provided a similar service on mobiles!

I wouldn't be surprised if a mobile version doesn't become available in the coming years. The key thing is, never ever publish your mobile number online, that's how your number becomes common knowledge and ends up getting sold on.

I've had the same mobile number for many years and I don't ever get nuisance calls. My friend who has a cleaning business does publish her work mobile number online and she gets loads of marketing calls of the "accident claim / whiplash" and "PPI" variety (5 a day at least). So it's worth bearing that in mind.

I love the idea of the Alexa Polite Society - fuck off Alexa if you would be so kind.

I've never published my number anywhere no reason to. Neither did dd. She rarely even gave it out as the only people who needed hers were her friends.

I give it to companies I am a customer of where absolutely insisted upon/necessary and I suspect that's the issue - commercial companies selling data on

@Graphista I was also taught that ignoring people is rude...... can you not answer the simple question about the CCTV because one of your statements is a lie incorrect. Was also taught telling lies was wrong.

I was taught there is no point arguing with certain types of people. No mn rule that says an op has to respond to every poster.

You've been provocative and belligerent throughout its tiresome.

But which of your two contradicting-statements are true.......... ??

I was taught not to argue unless I had right on my side, you don't so you can't argue.

I agree with you op - manners are not quite what they were!

I always get icy with unsolicited callers who address me by my first name Anne rather than addressing me as Mrs Elliott😀. I let them know that unless we've been introduced then you should not assume you can use my first name - many of them are astonished that this is a thing!

Anne yes I was taught by parents to address elders as mr or Mrs surname unless told otherwise.

This was reinforced at nurse training where we were told particularly with elderly patients not to use forenames unless specifically asked to.

At work I answer the phone with my department and name.

Outside of work I don't know a single person who answers their landline or mobile with their name. This is definitely not a thing anymore. Everyone just says "hello?". Including my oldest relatives in their 80s (who I'm sure used to say "Lancaster 45623" or whatever, but not anymore). And I'm in my 40s too, so not some youngster.

The exception to the rule is if I answer someone else's landline/mobile - I might answer with "hello Betty's phone, Mavis speaking". Just so they don't assume I'm Betty.

Lucid my mother still says "Canterbury 12345". She's only 83.

My mantra however except on Mnet where I can say what I like and is why it's so fucking marvellous is that you catch more flies with jam than vinegar.

Ohtheroses My 82 year old MIL did until about 10 years ago, but then stopped I think around the time of her getting a mobile phone - because no one is going to answer "076875876945" (although maybe someone out there does? )

Ha ha. My mother can't actually use her mobile phone without help x

Manners set you apart. They win people over, open doors and opportunities. My DC are always praised for their manners, people warn to them because they know how to be considerate and polite. It really doesn't cost anything and it benefits everyone.

I'll only answer the landline with "hello". Either I know who it is through caller ID, or it's unknown and I don't wish to confirm anything until I'm clear that the caller is legitimate. The problem is the sheer volume of nuisence calls. The TPS helps, but there are loopholes such as calling from abroad. Often I'll wait by the answerphone and see if a person actually tries to talk. The irony is there are some scammers purporting to be from "Telephone Management Service" and your subscription has allegedly expired The last time they tried they quickly got in with "Have you been recieving any nuicence phonecalls" allowing me to answer back with "funnily enough, I've got one right now!" For some reason she hung up

I once worked on a phone line in the NHS, so had a pleasant manner for greeting the incoming calls. When phoning parents from work, I'd start with a brief introduction so I could be put through to an appropriate person in the household.

Was it Septa Mordane who said courtesy is a ladies armour

I have always been advised that it's a security matter not to identify oneself when answering the phone.

Nuisance calls. You can simply stop them mid spiel and ask to be removed from their list. The law says they have to remove you from their database if you request it. Whereas if you just hang up they can keep calling you. You may find the number of calls reduces if you keep asking to be removed every time.

Being pregnant I've dealt with a lot of NHS staff recently who have been 8/10 times incredibly rude on the phone. I get they are overworked but there's no need to be so very rude. I always try to be very upbeat and helpful/apologetic when dealing with them but it doesn't make any difference. Sad really, they must be quite unhappy.

"Nuisance calls. You can simply stop them mid spiel and ask to be removed from their list. The law says they have to remove you from their database if you request it"

That only applies to uk companies. U.K. Laws don't cover the rest of the world unfortunately (on this topic)

I've had 3 in last 2 days, from Moldova, Romania and Sudan! I've no idea how the scams work exactly but I was warned by a friend who works for a telecoms company not to answer as that can run up your bill/cause further issues. Soon as they've stopped ringing I block that number but it's happening probably 4-5 times a week often at really antisocial times which pisses me off! It's extremely rare it's from a uk company, those calls tend to be "number withheld" and as I think I said upthread I can't not answer as I do get important calls from organisations who withhold their numbers - mainly Nhs. With poor health myself and several relatives who are very unwell I wouldn't like to miss certain calls.

Surely there must be tech that allows eg the Nhs to show up as "Nhs" without necessarily divulging all their numbers? (I can understand they don't want the public/patients pestering on certain numbers)

Security I understand to a point but at some stage people need to know they're speaking to the right person.

I do not give my own name until the caller has stated who they are/where they are calling from. This is because these days many calls are unsolicited, and while sales calls can be blocked (eg with TPS), "market research" and various others cannot. Scammers also don't care about the rules. If you give your name they have gained a piece of data - the name to match the otherwise anonymous number they have listed on a database. Subsequent nuisance calls then know your name and it takes longer to get rid of them. Once I know who is calling, my manners are turned on instantly.

Re nuisance calls, I've asked to be removed from countless lists (I used to work in a call centre and know how it works). However international callers don't abide by the UK rules and databases are purchased again very regular so you are back on the same lists again very fast.