Nursery put Henna on my child.

[Pencilcase123]

When my DH picked up our DD (4) from nursery one of the staff said she had drawn DDs initials in Henna on Dds hand because Dd insisted. DH did not complain.

I am baffled as to why the nursery would have Henna out in the first place. It is brown Henna and I don’t think it is particularly dangerous but I am quite miffed that nursery staff thought it was ok to give my 4 year old a temporary tattoo. Would you complain about this?

Meh it’s exactly what AIBU is, in that posters have differing opinions, we are not all drama and cause a fuss over something so inconsequential.

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend it's not an option when you're wrong.

Henna is normally black in colour, not brown

Henna is normally brown. A red brown to be precise.

My friend does henna at festivals. She has to have public liability insurance
So does the person selling sweets, and the one selling t-shirts. Neither of which are generally harmful to children. All businesses dealing with the public need public liability insurance.

DD had her face painted at nursery. That’s when we found out it gave her a rash. If we hadn’t have found out there, we’d have found out at any number of places they do face painting. I don’t recall them telling us they were going to do it. They painted her nails too. She loved it and nobody died.

I people are always complaining about “bloody health and safety” and about the number of consent forms for absolutely everything, and this thread is a great example of why.

My apologies as I meant to say its normally brown in colour not black said it the other way round (somehow)

Black henna", sometimes referred to as "kali mehndi" or "piko" is henna that that has been adulterated with the transdermal toxin, p-paraphenylenediamine (PPD for short) mainly used as a hair dye. In some cases this so-called henna doesn't even contain any henna at all.

Natural henna products are dark brown, almost looking like they are black, Jagua is a tropical fruit with a natural blue dye and when mixed with henna, the stains are extremely dark and long-lasting, Additionally, skin that is more alkaline tends to stain better, as well as the skin of people that are younger, healthier and more active.

Traditional henna? Henna is a shade of reddish brown. Depending on where you get the tattoo and how well it absorbs into your skin, the colour can range from a light brown to an almost black-brown.

Black henna is adulterated products containing harsh chemicals that are not meant for any skin types and have been associated with cancers and other medical conditions.

As someone who has grown up in a Muslim country and has several relatives there, Black henna is just simply unknown of and is even banned in several countries.

Ds's were both in Turkey for the summer holidays last year and learnt about Mehndi traditions, ds1 was the pretend groom, due to this we had to ensure henna was safe.

A school I taught in did this for Eid, organised by a colleague. I was happy to join in & had my hands extensively painted by a lovely year 9 student.

No idea what sort of henna it was. I was quite relaxed about it as I've used henna on my (Teflon, only really colours with industrial strength permanent colour) hair with no effect - which was disappointing as I was hoping for a vibrant red - so my assumption was meh, henna, I'll have pretty patterns which will have faded by next week at best.

It actually blistered quite spectacularly - it wasn't particularly painful, more like the weeping you get after a tattoo? - then peeled off leaving me with the design in raw skin, which was there for weeks.

I showed this to well meaning colleague whose reaction was understandably along the lines of: 'holy crap! Thank goodness it's you & not a student! I'll not be doing that next year...'

I'd not want henna casually applied to any of my children's skin, certainly not if they were little. It can look great, but too much risk of a skin reaction. Fine if you've done a patch test - not ok to just steamroll in.

Anyone saying they had a 'reaction' to regular brown/red henna is probably making it up, it has basically no allergic potential.

Actually, most of the so called "natural" henna that you can get in the UK has a lot of preservatives in them, especially the imported stuff. People may not be reacting to the henna itself, but to the presevatives. I even spent a little while this morning looking at ingredients, and found several where they hadn't properly listed the ingredients, and where preservatives had been part of the henna.

A previous poster wrote about fresh henna, and it's true that fresh henna (which will be the genuinely natural stuff) has a very limited shelf life. So, if you see a product that has a shelf life of more than, say, a month, it will have preservatives in it. And some of those preservatives can be very harmful to some people.

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend could you be any more patronising? We are all capable of knowing about other cultures without having our children painted with henna without permission or patch testing.

could you be any more patronising

yes it was supposed to be!!!!, you stated you could understand why they did henna on the day of Eid Mubarak celebration you then went on to say your child does not attend a faith nursery

Clearly you did not "know"

@snuffalo

"it has basically no allergic potential." EVERYTHING has "allergic potential" it's rare but there are even people allergic to sun and water. Allergies to things containing dyes, preservatives etc is VERY common. But it's entirely possible for people to be allergic to "natural" henna too.

People are allergic to many "natural" things - milk, grass pollen, animal fur...

Natural does not mean non-allergenic!

If they had asked your permission then fine. But I wouldn't be happy if they didn't. She could have had a reaction. Whether it's henna or not kids are still allergic to things or may have a reaction to things they haven't come into contact with before. I would maybe just calmly take whoever is responsible for her care aside and explain that you were quite taken aback that permission was not sought for the henna/temporary tattoo, and that going forwards you expect to be informed in advance when activities like that are taking place, so that you have the opportunity to opt her out of them.
On another note, I used to work in a nursery during my school holidays and I'm pretty sure the kids used to ask/insist on all sorts of things but that didn't mean we did them!

I can't believe they didn't ask permission, especially for a child so young. I wouldn't consider doing henna on my dd until she is at least 5 and then only if she asks for it.

Eid or no Eid. They should not have put henna on your child without your consent. Period. You need to complain and don't back down. This was bang out of order.

I would be absolutely furious about this. Totally unacceptable and would be making a formal complaint

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend I did know it was Eid but I also did not send my child to a faith school so I did not expect them to be celebrating religious festivities. I don’t mind that they did, I just did not want my child painted with Henna.
You are deliberately trying to imply that we are ignorant and you are the centre of all knowledge. My objection is not cultural it is practical.

But felt tip would be ok?

@vulpine I don’t want anyone drawing on my child with anything without my permission. Accidentally getting pen on her skin is very different to someone drawing on her deliberately.

The volume of people saying they could not care less if their 4yr old came home with henna on is baffling. I smell wanna be cool white people trying to show how diverse their cultural and religious understanding is. You'd be bloody furious I'd guess.

Op of course they should've got permission and you should make them aware of the fact they've put a semi permanent henna tattoo on a 4 yr old without any permission from a parent or guardian.

I'm atheist but my children managed to learn about all religions at school with correct permission slips when required.

Bizarre! I’m sure it was because nursery staff actually are a bit ignorant and don’t realise that is lasts. I had a henna tattoo on my stomach last at least a month. I would be very annoyed. Not because it’s dangerous or I mind the idea but because nursery should make bodily changes to my child. It’s akin to giving a child a haircut.

DDs school recently did this - a mother brought in some “henna tattoos” from India, the school teachers used it on the girls (with the girls’ consent but not the parents,) without question or any awareness that henna tattoos are not actually henna. I was fuming but luckily it wasnt DDs class.
For background, i used to use henna regularly, pure henna, soaked with black tea
Overnight to get a darker colour. Very few people have any awareness that pre-packaged henna, especially that not on sale in thr EU, is actually very dangerous. We have cosmetic safety regulation for reason and other countries do not have these.

I smell wanna be cool white people trying to show how diverse their cultural and religious understanding is

What I smell @CitadelsofScience is a large nationwide nursery chain trying (albeit misguidedly in this case) to educate little minds about other cultures and religions, perhaps - god forbid- in an attempt to foster a better society for all of us in which to live, especially considering the divisive and adversarial times we live in at present.

But hey! maybe that’s just me being a cool white person, eh?

[shrugs]

YANBU that is awful.

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut why can't they do exactly that but actually send out permission slips?

@Contraceptionismyfriend

If I knew that I’d have solved the thread several hundred posts ago

Because it’s a BH nursery i would be astonished if it hadn’t been flagged in a newsletter. They are normally shit hot at this kind of thing.

If it hadn’t and they did that completely without any heads up then the chain deserves an onslaught of outraged parents - it would piss me off too.

But what rattles my bars about this thread is the furious anger about what is seemingly an - as I’ve said already - misguided attempt at cultural and religious awareness raising.

FWIW yes, it would annoy me too, it would. But I wouldn’t be baying for blood the way that some of the ultimate pearl clutchers on this thread would. The position of some folk on here smacks of small mindedness and I find it a touch depressing.

But that’s just me and this is AIBU and the beat goes on.

I wouldn't have worried about the henna in particular although my children don't suffer with allergies. What I didn't realise was how visible the henna would be on my DD's very fair skin (school fate and parents had to give permission). Of course if she was darker skinned, it would have looked less obvious very quickly, but it was obvious for about 2 weeks and took a further week to go.

I don't actually think the children need to have henna tattoos done to learn about other faiths. It is possible to talk about henna tattoos, why they're done and to draw around their own hand and draw their own design on paper. Still learning about other cultures, but no semi-permanent inking on skin. A teacher could have had it done as a demonstration, or maybe a child (as in our school) would have had it done at home and could have shown the other children.

I wouldn't complain but I would discuss with the nursery/school how it could be handled better in future (ie. permission sought and/or notice given).