To have spent most of today crying my eyes out

[poodlepantaloons]

I consider myself pretty resilient, had a shit tonne of crap happen over the past few years. Dealt with it, got strong.
But today I just couldn't. Proper sobbing.
My ex was v abusive, I had ptsd, I got out with my young dc, set up a stable home helped by women's aid, counselling for both of us. Dc trauma meant serious behaviour problems.but worked my butt off, it improved, went to every parenting course going, read every book. Life improved after a hard hard slog.
Then ex takes me to family court. I fight to protect dc, is forced to contact screaming and pissing self, begging not to go.
He drives dc round asking where we live and finds us. He Went back to court to do school pick up which is on my street.
All the police reports and stuff ignored. His rights over welfare of child.
He is due first pick up on Friday and after all the slog and the fight I just feel so sad and tired and scared as I don't want him here. Trying to keep up appearances for dc.
I can't even move without telling him in advance. And he could in theory stop me. So sick of him having power over our lives.
Feel so defeated today. Dc behaviour has deteriorated drastically,
We were in public when out of the blue dc had a meltdown bit and pulled out handfuls of my hair, punched kicked and screamed to horror of others. Someone filmed it on their phone. Dc is 8 now. I can't live like this. I am covered in bites and bruises. I had worked so hard.
It's like I don't matter, the abuse doesn't matter. His rights are all that matters. I can't stop crying.

Well done. The hardest step in any journey is the first one. Good luck for tonight.

Your solicitor refused to let you use SS even though it would have been really useful. Mine wouldn’t let me use Women’s Aid. These solicitors are complete fuckers sometimes.

I hope tonight goes better.
I am a GP- If you were my patient I would really like you to contact me. I (obviously) wouldn't be able to promise you anything much in particular but I would record in you and your child's notes which may be helpful down the line and I'd be more than happy to fight with CAHMS if required.

I note a few comments about solicitors and "advice". I don't mean to be rude. However, I had once solicitor laugh in my face about self representing having charged me £1,500 for a few letters and told me "good luck, you'll need it". This was for ancillary relief proceedings. I took great pleasure in emailing her after they had finished with the result and she had the good grace to tell me "well done, I wouldn't have achieved that for you".

I self repped through an horrific family court application by my ex-husband (not dissimilar to your situation OP). I did all of this by buying books, going to the library, educating myself, writing good, strong statements about the situation. My position was successful. The court are now used to dealing with LIP's (litigants in person) as so few can afford legal rep. I often think you are better off to be honest.

OP, if you return to court, I am happy to help you as one parent to another who has been there. I mean that. So, please private message me if you need to.

...oh and I made sure I included Women's Aid involvement, SS involvement, the school...because I COULD...nobody was telling me I couldn't. It made a huge difference, especially with Cafcass.

I am not pretending it's easy, it isn't. It was stressful beyond belief but my need to protect and get the best for my child overrode everything else. I am fortunate (or not) that I have time on my hands during the day as I am a parent/carer so currently don't "work" in paid employment so I could give it the time and effort it needed. I realise this is not the same for everybody. However, it was worth it.

Just love and hugs to you OP 💐💐 we were there too - abusive addictive ex, family courts that are insane, crazy psychologists, ss ignored, physical assaults on DC ignored. It did end eventually but just keep doing everything you can 💐💐

Thankyou so much for your kind replies, advice and offers of help. It's a very lonely place to be and you've made me feel less alone.

Bedtime went much more smoothly tonight.

OP, I saw an 8 year old boy attacking his mum in an airport, he shouted at her, beat her, pull her hair and then as she curled herself on the floor near a wall, he hit her full force with a luggage trolley. I honestly thought that as soon as the kid was taller than her he would kill her.

If you feel you are in a similar situation, please seek advice, this is no child testing boundaries but violence and abuse. You both need help before he seriously hurts you. Living like this should be very stressful, no wonder you feel so deflated today.

I hope you can get good advice from any of the women’s rights organisations to manage the violence you are exposed to.

My 1st husband the same. I stopped contact and kept ginger back to court until I found a judge who listened and wrote down all my child's behave our problems. If child doesn't want to go don't make him.

My 1st husband the same. I stopped contact and kept ginger back to court until I found a judge who listened and wrote down all my child's behave our problems. If child doesn't want to go don't make him.

You have clearly been lucky in terms of your court experiences. It's more usual for mothers who do this to be criticised for trying to use the legal system for their own end and for traumatising the children by constantly making them the subject of legal proceedings.

I know a few mothers who would be in prison if they didn't make their children attend contact where they are abused.

I'm really glad the system did the right thing for you and your DCs but, often, even getting the truth recorded doesn't help because the abuser then throws accusation after accusation, drags it back to court themselves and all the good is undone.

Agree, I know a woman who was threatened with 6 months in jail for not forcing her child to go back to their violent dad.

It took for the kid to end up in hospital after the dad gave them a good beating for the judges to finally listen. In all the years before this the concerns of the mother were “proven” unfounded by CAFCASS and the mother was constantly accused of yes, you know it... parental alienation.

Ah, parental alienation. I remember when the news said social workers were going to push this theory. With no sound basis, they seem to be deciding that women trying to protect their children are terrible mothers and trying to destroy their children’s chances if a healthy paternal relationship.

Yep. It is exhausting.
A new spate of stalking but I wasn't going to bother to log it. What's the point? Last time he cried to the police, saying he was the victim and I was the evil alienating one.

I have logged it, half heartedly.

The trouble is, its emotional and psychological abuse mainly. I'm trying to protect dc's future mental health.
That's just not recognised.