To think I'm being played

[lipsticklush]

I've just cottoned on that I might be being played. It's taken me months to realise that my boyfriend may have two of us on the go . I don't necessarily think he is physical with her but I'd appreciate it if you would read these facts and give me your opinion
He works with her all day every day and spends his coffee break and lunches with her.
He starts texting her as soon as he gets home.
He tells her she looks fabulous/ fantastic/ etc
He tells her she is amazing in every way
He has nights out with her
He sparkles in her company
He has public banter with her on Twitter/ Instagram and Twitter
He confides in her
He finds everything she says/ texts/ posts funny
He responds to everything normally with a double meaning which looks dubious but says it's innocent banter
He messages her when with me and as we don't see eachother a lot , I'm asking of this is normal .
Thanks for reading the long post. I am feeling insecure today. I only put it all together last evening and I didn't sleep well . He is attentive and affectionate when he is with me

Cake.
And eating it.
Ltb.

I doubt he isn’t physical with her tbh, sounds like he is dating her from what you have described. Amazed you have let this go on for so long. Leave.

Whether something is happening or not it definitely seems like he has feelings for her. Not sure how you can ask that because I’m assuming he’ll likely deny he does? He may not even realise!

LTB
Honestly I could not put up with this under any circumstances
Dont try to be "cool" and ok about it, just find someone with more time and respect for you x

If he isn't physical with her, he wants to be. And if she finally agrees, you'll never see him again. Leave him.

I told him how it upset me that he has so much contact with her outside of working hours.. why the need?? He said she has problems and confides in him .. he said he is just a mate. I said that the problems must not upset him that much as he is always laughing at her messages .he said that because she is a middle aged woman with a family that of course he is not interested in anything other than friendship and that I must be crazy for thinking that . It hurt me about the conversations and comments on social media when he hasn't really engaged with me . He said he will engage with me more from now . He reassured me plenty but I have niggling doubts . I can't think of how to prove it . His phone is stuck to him at all times even if I could look over his shoulder

Ahh.... she's a 'middle-aged woman'. That's alright then. I have heard of men using this description to allay concerns. Of course she might not actually be middle-aged (whatever that means these days) or she might be but it doesn't make any difference as far as he's concerned.

Agree with previous comment. He's having his cake and eating it.

Sounds like he has a huge crush on her. In my experience, men usually avoid/pull away from emotionally needy work colleagues, unless they are interested.

How often do you see him?
How long have you been seeing him?
Have you met any other of his friends?

OP,
He has a massive crush at the very least and would be, has been with her in a heartbeat.

Dump him.

Best of luck.

That what i thought. Middle aged woman with problems confiding in my boyfriend of ten years younger. Unlikely but I did believe him until I put the pieces together .
He said he'd like us to meet and get to know eachother but again unlikely as we live over 150 miles from eachother . He says he's told her about us .
She was due to come to our village recently and he wanted her to stay over with his folks and for them to go out together. I did not feature in the conversation so he must not want us to meet that much.
I think he likes to keep his friendship seperate for a reason. I hope I'm wrong

Seeing him five months . See him a couple of times per week , twice but that is coz of work commitments and distance . Have met friends and all family .he is very attentive to me

I was middle aged with dc when I met dh ten years younger.....

Have you seen them together?

I think it's bordering on an emotional affair imo and it does come across that he may have a thing for her

You've posted about this before haven't you. I'm sorry, he's still infatuated with her :(

Only in photos where in a big office staff , he is always beside her, leaning into her body with his arm not to be seen... presumable around her back . Probable analysing in my part but it's always the same .

Welcome to Mumsnet!

Thank you @CurtainsOpen . I appreciate your help

I haven't started a post about the boyfriend before. Thanks

Haven't seen them together in real life

Walk away .. even if nothing has happened ( thus far) you have doubt and if he does not go cold turkey with their relationship ( taking your feelings into consideration)you will never have peace of mind ..

I see. I swear I've read the same situation before, down to the 'other woman' being older and with a family of her own. Sorry.

That's fine . When I began to worry about this, I put my questions into google and a lot of results led me to mumsnet . I am not alone I think