Did anyone else freak out before turning 35?!

[C1239]

Hi,

Just looking for a bit of reassurance really. I'm turning 35 soon and the last month or so i seem to be really freaking out. I never freaked out about turning 30 so not sure why i'm freaking out now, there just seems to be a lot of social pressure to have everything sorted at this age!

I live with my partner and his two boys, we have been together four and a half years, i have a great relationship with the children, pretty sure i don't want my own children. Have never seen myself having biological children but always imagined i'd have involvement with children in someway, i always fancied the auntie/godmother role rather than mum! Recently though the never ending list of people saying gosh 35 better get a move on and have your 'own', i explain that isnt really my plan, and they follow with 'really, you will really regret that' has suddenly got me feeling quite anxious and overthinking everything, its a horrible feeling.
Also been wondering about my job and if its a time for a change.
Is it time to get a pet etc.
My mind just seems to be in overdrive.

Has anyone else experienced this?! Is it normal?!

Any advice gratefully received :-)

Yes, I recognise this. I freaked out shortly before 35 and (though it may not be any comfort) before 45 as well. In the run-up to 55 I managed to stop the panic by telling myself I'd been here before and it would pass! I sailed through 30, 40 and 50. For some reason my mid-decade birthdays made me very aware that time was passing and I was hit by all sorts of insecurities about not having achieved enough - which was strange, because I'm not the sort of person to worry about that, or compare myself to others. The feeling resolved once my birth month was safely over, but it was most unsettling while it lasted. I feel for you!

I’m 34 and freaking out a bit for different reasons... I’m a SAHM to 3 DC and I’ve always told myself I’d have my career back on track by the time I’m 35! I had a great career pre DC and being a SAHM was always intended to be a temporary thing.
I’m now older, fatter and way more exhausted, and panicking about my ability to function in the work place.

I had it at 37! Loved 35, felt pleased to have made it in a weird way, still felt healthy and lucky despite various failings... 37 I suddenly feel 100 years old and like it’s suddenly too late for everything! And yes, mind in overdrive about careers, house, more children or not. All totally irrational.

You sound like a lovely stepmum and like you have lots to be proud of. Try and focus on that! Don’t let others tell you what to want (she says, not taking own advice!).

I didn’t freak out but I was aware that time was ticking on. After having no interest in children at all I fell pregnant at 35. I tried the career change thing at 34 and that was a disaster so.....
I won’t make any further comment as it’s probably not helpful but yeah, there’s definitely a feeling of the shortness of time.
I’m 47 now and no freak outs or similar since.....

Yes I’m 35 and it hit home that I’m ‘really aging’ now (no offence intended) I’m not young in my 20s anymore and now heading for my 40s and life is passing me by. I feel it too. The best thing I was told was to enjoy aging and growing old (eventually) as were not guaranteed it. Kind of makes me appreciate it a bit more. You’re (we’re) still young and you have roughly 10 years to change your mind on children, ignore people commenting on it it’s none of their business.

I did at 25.
Rushed to have 3 kids before 30, get married, buy a house.
Triggered by long studies for career role ending and basically having to find another path (with £50k study debt)..
Was fine at 35.
Can easily imagine I will go through this again.

Life is so uncertain these days. Things change so much, life it much more stressful and less support.

35 came and went. 30 and 40 came and went. The night before my 31st I had an anxiety attack because I was now "in my thirties"! Totally bonkers.

The minute someone launches into their bullshit tirade about having dc, just interrupt with a curt "not up for discussion" and change the subject. What you decide to do or not do with your womb is nobody's business. I had one child, at 36, had a few comments about hurrying up to provide a sibling, and brushed things off with "good God no, the next one will have four paws" [tinkly laugh] the person never knew if I was joking, or they'd hit a nerve; they'd just shut up! Job done.Failing that, practise your Paddington State

I'm 35 next month and freaking out for different reasons. I have 5 kids so that's all sorted. But my main issue is being that I'll be nearer to 40 than 30 😩

Thank you all so much for your friendly replies. Its nice to know i'm not the only one experiencing a freak out about age!
I remember some friends really freaking out at 30 but i didnt experience anything like this!
Comments recently have been like step parenting doesnt compare to a real 'mum', you'll never be a 'real' family, what if you split up with your partner and loose the stepchildren... naively or not i hadnt thought about any of these things at all because its always felt right to me but hearing things like that has really made me wobble that i'm turning 35 and and have made all the wrong choices even though deep down it feels right it that makes sense? Its horrible!

I definitely have the feeling of having made the wrong choices, even though they were the best choices for me at the time.
I guess it’s partly the ‘having it all’ thing. I think I thought I’d have it all by this age, but I’m reality that really isn’t possible.

I'm 35 in 10 days and I'm not freaking out at all in fact I can't wait

I think it's normal to panic and wonder whether you should have chosen something different, it's 'grass is always greener' syndrome. But every choice has drawbacks and every one is valid when it comes to having children/not having children and career choices so if you feel you made the right ones then you have to ignore the people who try to tell you different. Also, I think it's normal to worry about ageing, your body not working as well in the future etc. Everyone worries about that I would think.

As an aside, I hate how everyone makes birthdays into this big stressful thing...I remember when I was about to turn 30 people going on about how you're a proper adult now/must have your shit together and all that stuff. It kind of just made me stubbornly want to be as childish as possible

My next birthday with a 5 in it has a 6 in front 😱

It's just a number. Nothing changed particularly when I was 35, or 45 or 55.

I think it's normal to panic and wonder whether you should have chosen something different, it's 'grass is always greener' syndrome. But every choice has drawbacks and every one is valid when it comes to having children/not having children and career choices so if you feel you made the right ones then you have to ignore the people who try to tell you different. Also, I think it's normal to worry about ageing, your body not working as well in the future etc. Everyone worries about that I would think.

I think goingonabearhunt1 has it spot on. At 38 I am panicking big time about the choices I've made and how they have limited my career, and feeling the pressure to have my career back on track or at least be in stable employment by 40. It isn't possible to really, truly have it all, so we need to stop beating ourselves up over it and make our peace with having made the best decisions we could at that stage.

I'm almost 39 and every now and again have a horrible feeling of rising panic about turning 40, even though it's over a year away!

It's because I haven't done anything with my life other than get married and have children I think, and I feel like time is slipping away so quickly.

I turned 35 in February and it’s been the hardest of all the age changes I’ve had (although daftly, 25 seemed tough too!). I feel I have royally fucked up my life because I wanted children but took too long getting over heartbreaks and childhood trauma and now I’m 35 single, terrified of relationships and feel like I’m having some sort of breakdown.

Career wise things are great. I’m a homeowner. I’ve travelled loads. But I’m struggling with my health and body image. I feel like I’m having another tweenager stage (I hated being 12, felt I was in the wrong body, scared of the future etc).

Looking at my peers, I think those who have children (or resolutely don’t want them) and have settled down, even if they are now separated or divorced don’t seem to have the same kind of crisis as the long term single, no kids people. Not to say they don’t have their problems, it’s just the blind panic WTF have I done seems like it’s magnified in people like me.

35 has definitely been worse than 30 and I’m dreading 36 because for some reason I see that as game over.

Thank you for all your replies. I’d just like to feel like myself again & stop freaking out!

"freaking out" covers a broad spectrum

I'm worrying about not being able to say I'm in my 30s. From 37onwards I've felt I'm heading to the big 40 and I don't like it.
In many ways I feel old ( unfit, creaky bones, using my mother's terminology/saying, nagging) but in my mind I also feel at times (when I hear old 90s tunes) like I can't possibly be nearly 40.

By «freaking out» I guess I mean doubting decisions that I’ve previously been so sure of!

I had no problem with 30 but 31 sent me a bit odd for a while. I think everyone has points in their lives when they suddenly realise that time is passing and some stuff is getting less likely.
I'm 40 in 6 months and I'm getting into that stage again. I've realised I'm not "young" anymore. I turn a few less heads (I'm 6ft so i tend to make quite an entrance), I'm getting some random aches and pains and climbing trees is less easy than it was. And not just that I'm not young anymore, i wont ever be again. Nothing i can do about that. Bit scary...

I had a baby at 31, 32, 34 and 36 so somewhere lost in a sea of morning sickness and nappies I must have turned 35. Didn’t notice it. I’ve done every stage of life at an extremely full on pace so far so I wonder if I’ll freak out when things go calm at 50 or something.....

I’m 39 this month...I’m not sure how I feel about the rapidly approaching 4-0. All the best things in my life have happened in my 30s (met my now husband, got married, had my 2 kids, bought out first house), I suppose I’m worried my 40s can’t possibly be as good!

Aragonsgirl, your 40s is when you can sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labour😁