Had a real telling off from the mother of my dd's friend at the weekend and can't stop feeling uncomfortable about the whole thing. Would like to know if IWBU.
It was dd's 12th birthday. She invited 5 friends to the cinema. Invitation was via text, and was to meet at cinema in the evening, then back to our house for pizza and cake etc and to be picked up at 9pm, and if there was an issue with picking up to let me know and we could make arrangements to drop home. I sent all of the texts to parents except for one I didn't have the number of, and my daughter went ahead and text that friend directly before I had a chance to ask her for it. I didn't know until my daughter walked in on the phone asking 'Lily's mum said she probably does need taking home and can you pick her up too?' (answer was sorry no to taking, because we were going into the city much earlier). Lily's mum phones back again shortly after to ask if I would be providing cinema snacks (I did, but was a little taken back to be asked when I'd already said there would be food after, but prepared for that to be perfectly reasonable).
On the day, Lily and her mum were 15 minutes late. My daughter and the other friends all ran over to her and they all stood there hugging and chatting and I knew we'd miss the start of the film if we didn't go in at this point so I called over to hurry up and come and say your hello's inside. At this point the mum walked off and left, and the girls came in, so I didn't have the opportunity to speak to her.
I'm not entirely sure this is relevant, but Lily was quite rude, both before the film and on the way back to our house. I put it down to her being excited and shy. There was running round the cinema foyer when I'd asked them not to, ignoring some other things I'd said, not coming over when asked to, no basic manners etc.
When we got back to our house later, I asked Lily if she knew what the arrangements were for her going home later and did she need a lift, she said 'Well my mum brought me so I'm getting a lift home'. I asked her if her mum was expecting her back at a particular time, and she said no. I asked her if she had a phone incase her mum wanted to get in touch with her and she said yes, and held it up to me. I said as long as your mum can get hold of you, you can stay as long as the others. The others ended up staying later than 9 because of parents watching the Champions League final (which I didn't realise was on until the morning of).
Around 9:30 my daughter comes to tell me that Lily's mum is worried, wondering where she is and has text her. I got her number at this point and text her to say sorry she is worried, and about any miscommunication, she would be dropped off by 10 o'clock. 15 minutes later another of my daughter's friends comes in with Lily's mum on her phone asking to speak to me. She is raging, asking where her daughter is, said it's irresponsible, it's far too late, she's never had this at any other party, her daughter is only 12 years old and she needs to know where she is etc. She hadn't received my text. Her daughter hadn't replied to her messages because she had no data and she didn't think to tell me or ask for the WiFi.
I apologized profusely for her being worried, said I should have insisted on getting her number as our daughters obviously aren't quite old enough to communicate effectively. I sent a follow up apology text immediately after the phone call to say she was on her way back, and had no reply. Lily slammed the door shut on her way out and didnt even say thank you. But as above I'm putting that down to shyness (and maybe because I just asked her why on earth she didnt tell me her mum was messaging her, or asked to use a phone/WiFi).
I feel like sending Lily's mum another message to point out she should have come and confirmed drop off time and address at the cinema, is just as responsible as me for not exchanging numbers prior, and Lily should be responsible for some of my proportion of blame? I can understand her maybe over reacting due to worry, but to ignore my apology text once she knew she was safe I feel is very rude, but her attitude and lack of reply tells me maybe I'm the one who is more unreasonable?