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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if you don't drive you need to accept using other forms of transport

66 replies

nedtherobbot · 03/06/2019 18:53

Dh and I don't drive. We rely on public transport, taxis and our own power when we need to get around, this has always been part of our budgeting. If we are offered lifts, my parents and my sister will if avaliable, we give petrol money or thank you presents if not accepted. We know local taxi numbers and the price of a taxi to our gp surgery and the hospital and back should we need to get there. Our local bus service is usually very good but you have to accept being early to appointments sometimes. We live in an area close to a supermarket and our local high street, 20 minutes level walk.

Inlaws don't drive, but refuse to use other forms of transport to get around. Fil will. catch the bus to work, with a family bus pass that is a perk of his job. Anywhere else he or mil need to get they expect lifts to be provided. Mil's sister used to cater to this but works full time now her children have left home. Gfil also used to be avaliable but is currently in poor health and not up driving them around, it is unlikely that he will be again. They have started to have their shopping delivered without problem. We visit them when Dh wants to appart from every 6 weeks when mil is driven by her sister to the hair dresser down the road from us and comes to us to wait to be picked up.

But now expect my parents to be avaliable to give them lifts to doctors and hospital appointments. Fortunately they are in fairly good health but fil has recently needed to have a few appointments for a problem with his leg. I have been phoned the day of each appointment and asked to organise dm or df picking them up and driving them home despite the appointments being booked well in advance. Dh can't deal with it at the time as he is at work but has repeatedly told them it's not on and to stop asking. Dm works 90 minutes away most of the week often using their car. Df can work flexibly but needs notice to have the car. Fil has missed appointments because of this and has caught taxis a couple of times because mils' sister has called a taxi for him. But they won't organise their own transport. Not eleable for hospital transport as the bus service is basically door to door from their house to the hospital main entrance. It would be the same to the doctors if they would change to one of the three surgeries (currently very unhappy with the out of the way one they are registered at) in sight of the bus station with buses that run ever 20 minutes from 7.30 to 6.

Usually let it wash over me but df is currently in hospital and have had another call this morning tell me fil needs a lift to see the gp and been told they arranged it for dm's day off.
AIBU to think they need to use other forms of transport to get themselves about?

OP posts:
flowery · 04/06/2019 10:40

"Mil: Fil needs to be at the Dr's at 10.30 today. What time is your mum/dad coming to pick him up?"

Response should be "Confused I wasn't aware they were giving you a lift, when was this arrangement made?"

Pinkvoid · 04/06/2019 10:45

My DGM is like this. She chose to never bother learning so has expected a lifetime of lifts off people. She will take a taxi or a bus if necessary but usually is reliant on others to taxi her around. When it comes to birthdays and Christmas she always winds up asking either my DM or I to drive to hers to collect her presents. Very irritating.

It’s expensive to learn how to drive and to run a car but well worth it.

AhhhHereItGoes · 04/06/2019 10:50

DH and I are both visually impaired so we can't drive. But we often use taxis if in a hard to get by bus area orvwe use he train mostly, though sometimes bus.

Like you if I'm offered a lift I'll thank the person and if a noticeable distance (say 5+ miles) I'll offer petroleum money.

We appreciate the help especially when the kids are travelling with us but at the end of the day it's nobodies fault that we can't drive.

RestingBitchFaced · 04/06/2019 10:55

They need telling bluntly to stop asking for lifts as it's not going to happen, you're sugarcoating it too much.

PuppyMonkey · 04/06/2019 11:01

Them: what time is your mum or dad coming to give us a lift?
You: Lol.

Then hang up.

goingonabearhunt1 · 04/06/2019 11:08

50s is really young. They sound odd. Just say no.

fedup21 · 04/06/2019 11:23

I see the dad gets the bus to work as they get shopping delivered but how does the mum actually get around normally? If the GF is ill and the SIL who used to do it is working full time? I see your parents only gave them one lift and you and your dH don’t drive. Who drove them to places last week? The week before?

TooManyPaws · 04/06/2019 11:23

FFS. I'm 58 and when my car is out of action I walk 3/4 mile to the village bus stop, even with a stick. The previous owner of my house was still doing that in her 80s. A bus route outside their door and they won't take it?! 🤣

fedup21 · 04/06/2019 11:27

Op please come back.

But now expect my parents to be avaliable to give them lifts to doctors and hospital appointments.

How many times have they rung expecting this and how many times have your parents agreed?

nedtherobbot · 04/06/2019 17:11

Typed a post earlier but forgot to hit post.

Df is back home and catching up on some much needed sleep.

Other than fil catching the bus to work he seems happy to just be at home. He sell lots of coins and collectables on ebay but have everything collected. Mil is a early morning cleaner at the FE college, a lady she works with goes out of her way to pick her up each day. They seem to get on well despite mil's lack of thanks for the favour. She will walk to her mum's a couple a roads away. Otherwise stays at home. They will go out for fish and chips when Fil takes a holiday mil's sister will usually drive them and they will walk the 15 minutes home with great tales of it told afterwards. They are off to diseny World this month and seem to have no problems using the shuttles while there, I think the sister or her husband are taking them to the airport.

Since Christmas thee have probably been a dozen requests, messages when I have ignored the phone. Never granted or organised a lift for them.

Will not be taking them on a bus. Fil can manage no problem. They would probably forever need a chaperon if I started that one.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 04/06/2019 17:21

They are just chancers then! How did they get to the appointments on the 12 or so times they asked you to make your parents drive them?

nedtherobbot · 04/06/2019 17:44

Mil's sister phoned for a taxi at least twice. No idea if fil got to yesterday's appointment. He had missed 3 appointments I think. I never ask after the event, it might give the impression it is my responsibility to organise things.

OP posts:
EL8888 · 04/06/2019 18:01

Yeah l can see why you don’t ask. Ultimately l think it will encourage it and lm sure you have you own stuff to organise

user87382294757 · 04/06/2019 19:34

Sounds like they have some kind of dependancy problem- dependant personality disorder? My own parents are like this, I am NC. they used to expect people to give lifts and take us to school when we were young. Only way is to tell them outright and have strong boundaries. Also why is your DH not dealing with this as they are his parents? Could you not just ignore and let him deal with it. My parents hardly know DH's but started writing to them and turning up in their shop / business. It is not easy!

user87382294757 · 04/06/2019 19:35

You might need to block it on your phone if it gets too much, sadly.

Hadalifeonce · 04/06/2019 19:55

My exMiL was a bit like this, although she could drive, she preferred not to. Even on our wedding day she expected my ex to drive a round trip of about 150 miles to pick her up!
Her daughter never learned to drive, one year for Christmas Ex MiL said she would buy her a car and driving lessons, her daughter said no thanks, MiL was a bit miffed, but ex SiL explained to me if she learned to drive her mother would expect her to be at her beck and call all the time

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