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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in court tomorrow. No McKenzie friend. Help

97 replies

sleepysloth65 · 03/06/2019 16:33

Just had a bit of a panic and am dreading facing my ex tomorrow regarding an injunction I have against him. I am due in court and haven't seen him for weeks. He's abusive and nasty, I spoke to NCDV this morning and they tried their best to find me a McKenzie friend but they don't have any available for where I am in the country.

I just don't want to go. I'm scared of him and desperate not to see him.

Please help. Words of wisdom. Advice. Anything. I feel physically unwell.

OP posts:
Gigia · 03/06/2019 16:39

Whereabouts are you OP? Maybe someone on here could help? I could possibly come if you are in the East Midlands?

blushmelikeyou · 03/06/2019 16:40

I second that where abouts are you? I'm from West Yorkshire.

Original poster
sleepysloth65 · 03/06/2019 16:41

@Gigia I'm in East Anglia - My friends are all working and my mum is looking after my son.

OP posts:
Bunnylady53 · 03/06/2019 16:44

What’s a McKenzie friend?

TeslaGirls · 03/06/2019 16:44

Sleepy I'm NE and in a very similar position so if you're near me I'd be happy to come and lend some support Flowers

But if not, I totally understand how scary it will be, but he is your ex. That means you've already survived him Smile

Keep posting on here and I'm sure there'll be numerous cheerleaders for you whenever you have a wobble Flowers

redastherose · 03/06/2019 16:44

Court can be a scary place to be when you are dealing with DV. Definitely say where in the country you are as someone on here may be able to help.

Original poster
sleepysloth65 · 03/06/2019 16:45

I don't want to go on my own but it's looking like I might have to. Oh god. Panic.

OP posts:
TeslaGirls · 03/06/2019 16:45

X-post. I can support from a distance then Grin

Absolutepowercorrupts · 03/06/2019 16:46

I'm nowhere near you sorry op. What is a McKenzie friend?

Gigia · 03/06/2019 16:47

Hopefully someone from closer by will be able to come along if we keep the thread bumped. In the meantime make sure you are fully prepared with anything you need to say/ask written down. I know it's incredibly difficult to stay calm when you are scared but remember he can't do anything to you anymore. Arrive early and stay inside the court afterwards. Thinking of you

ItsInTheSpoon · 03/06/2019 16:48

You’ve got this far... yes it will be horrible but you can do it, and then it will be over Flowers

RuffleCrow · 03/06/2019 16:48

I'm in East Anglia and i had to do this myself with no support this time last year. PM me and let me know whereabouts and the time and I'll see if I can come along if you would like some emotional support. Flowers

Gigia · 03/06/2019 16:51

A Mckenzie friend is someone who goes along to court to provide moral and emotional support.

ginswinger · 03/06/2019 16:55

Hi OP, I'm in Ipswich, if you're in the town, I would be happy to come with you

BethanyGilbert · 03/06/2019 16:57

I’m local to Norwich but no car tomorrow :-(. I’m sure someone will be along soon OP x

TheOrigFV45 · 03/06/2019 17:01

Have you actually tried all your friends? I know it's very short notice, but if a friend in your situation asked me for help I would be able to take a days leave at short notice and come with you.

Or can you find someone to mind your son so your Mum can come with you?

A friend will need to take a CV and you should check with the court first and be willing to stand your ground if they get funny about having someone with you.

I don't know if this is a thing, but could you call the court, explain your situation and ask if there is someone who can just sit with you in the court room, almost like a physical barrier and moral support?

crimsonlake · 03/06/2019 17:02

Actually I think you have to write to the court before hand advising that you are bringing a McKenzie friend and give their full details. least I had to. It also cannot be a family member, can I ask why you have left it so late.

Notabedofroses · 03/06/2019 17:04

Op call the court, they should have victim support at the very least, and sometimes dv support. If I was nearby I would def come with you. Flowers

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 03/06/2019 17:05

Agree with arriving early. It might be worth speaking to the usher, (ie the person usually in black gown who hangs around checking who's waiting and who calls people into the court room) or someone else at reception. If they know the DV background it's possible they may be able to find somewhere for you to wait where you won't have to see your ex. At least if they're aware they can be on the lookout for any problems. They're usually pretty worldly wise and have seen it all.

Original poster
sleepysloth65 · 03/06/2019 17:05

@crimsonlake I only got the letter for attendance on Saturday. Phoned NCDV this morning who said I would be able to use a Mckenzie friend through them. Turns out they don't have anyone available and I'm not trying to find a friend to come with me. My friends all work. I'm weary of meeting someone off mn but appreciate the offers and will definitely have a think about it over the next hour or so once I confirm my friends definitely can't help me out :(

OP posts:
Pgqio · 03/06/2019 17:05

I hope you get appropriate support op x

Igmum · 03/06/2019 17:06

💐💐 good luck OP. I know it's dreadful. The only tip I have is to tell the ushers that there has been violence. They used to let me sit in the meeting room rather than waiting in the general open area. It did help a bit 💐💐

TheDarkPassenger · 03/06/2019 17:07

Do you not have a victim support unit there? Hope you’re okay! You will get through it don’t worry x

Original poster
sleepysloth65 · 03/06/2019 17:08

@TheDarkPassenger would that be through the police? Or the court? I have no idea. It all happened so fast.

OP posts:
SkySmiler · 03/06/2019 17:13

I'm in East Anglia - MK

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