Social media and relationships

[iluvbooks]

Aibu to think that a man who is in a relationship for 8/9 months who is in his late 20's and is a constant social media user should have some evidence of being in a relationship , when his girlfriend is also an avid sm user ?

Is this the same one from the other day where you think your work friend fancies you but claims to have a girlfriend?

It's up to the individuals.

No I haven't posted before but I have seen a similar point in relationships board but I didn't want to hijack it . My bf says he wants to be private , doesn't like showing off his private life on fb which is fair . He is always on it though, liking all 699 friends posts etc etc . Having conversations with friends about their social lives, sport etc. Meanwhile I am not in any part of his fb page.i am an added friend . No relationship status . He has single written . I've tagged him on a number of occasions in things that I thought he would find funny or like and while he did like them , he didn't engage like he does with everybody else.

He isn’t ready to declare your relationship his friends and family yet. I can’t see any other reason, whether you take that in a negative way is up to you, but I think it’s still early days.

Not necessarily.

My friends' and acquaintances delibrately keep their relationships private as many use social media for work. Only when they are engaged with a set wedding date or married do they state they are in a relationship or married.

I think keeping important parts of your life away from SM is actually healthier than posting every minute detail.

The fact that he classes himself as single on SM is a red flag, though, and not something I'd be thrilled with in your shoes.

Have you met his real friends and family in person?

Yes I don't like that he doesn't have me as a relationship on sm . I hate that he has all this interaction with all his friends and family . I've met his family and some friends by the way but it doesn't stop his friends slagging him off on face book , about mad weekends and drink and women etc .

It's disrespectful of them isn't it

. I've met his family and some friends by the way but it doesn't stop his friends slagging him off on face book , about mad weekends and drink and women etc

Pardon?

I mean the mad fun they had on holidays last year or at stags etc. Not during my time with him really, well in the first month or so he was away on a stag and sometexts relate to this .

Anyone else have any opinions or guidance please? Don't know what's acceptable any more

I don't understand these posts.

Why can't you just communicate with him?

Ask him why you're not a couple on social media.
Ask him why he doesn't engage with your posts but does with everyone else's.
Tell him you're not comfortable with him pretending he's single.
Tell him you aren't comfortable with your relationship being a secret.

If you can't talk to him about these simple things now, it doesn't spell a good future relationship.

Me and DP share very few details of our lives on our social media pages. Neither of us have a listed relationship status on FB, and I can count on one hand the pictures of each other on Instagram. We do engage with each other on FB though.

We don't feel the need to share every aspect of our lives online, but that is no reflection on how happy we are, or how committed we are to one another.

I agree with the pp - you need to have a chat with him.

After that amount of time maybe or maybe not. Some people are private and personal lives. I can see why to be honest. I wouldn't want to flood Facebook with loved up pictures only to change my relationship status to single a few weeks later.

Anyone who has to look on social media to confirm whether they are in a real relationshipship or not is in big trouble IMO. But then looking at social media for that kind of confirmation is surely completely bonkers anyway? Isn't it mainly for boasting, virtue-signalling and sticking up stupid youtube videos? (Occasionally for work use is the exception, of couse). Or am I completely wrong?

p.s. for an "avid social media" user (whatever that is), its rather strange.

I don't want to be unkind OP, but are you sure alot of this is not wishful thinking on your part and in reality he's keeping his options open? If thats true, I'd get rid, its really not good for your self-respect. Good luck.

My bf and I show as single on fb because our relationship is private.

For an avid user then his status should read in a relationship not necessarily tagging you as his gf though or should just not be visible.

Having it showing as single after 8/9 months takes the P to be honest. Only people who keep single up while in a relationship are fuckboys/girls.

Thanks for your replies . I guess my main problem is how interactive he is with his friends and family . I do not exist as far as his social media is concerned . And I understand that not everyone is into sm but he really is and so am I which is why it hurts and makes me wonder if he is serious about me .
I have spoken to him. He says he is private. When I pointed out how public he is with everyone else he has no argument .

DD's dad is very involved, adores our little girl and is immensely proud of her. He's never posted a single thing about her, some of his less close friends had no idea he'd even had another child until they came over and she was there- she was 2 and a half at the time. Although I admit, it kind of hurts that he doesn't post about her... But then again I no longer have SM so I can't really talk!
He's also been with his very lovely girlfriend for 4 years, they've lived together for 2 years, no problems they're very very in love- nothing of each other on either of their Facebooks, a few holiday snaps from a few years back but no indication that they're together, no fb relationship etc.

Some people are just like that, I suppose!

Thanks. Yes he is an avid user and tags so much and gets tagged so much. He responds to all tags and continues conversations whereas when in the past I've tagged him, he either ignored or just liked and went off line . He does not tag me whatsoever . I think he did once after I told him how ticked off I was

Only people who keep single up while in a relationship are fuckboys/girls.

My relationship states single and I am not a fuckboy, or a fuckgirl for that matter.

You're massively overthinking this OP. Social media is for random posts about crap. Judge your relationship on what value it brings to you, not what others know about it.

I'm not on social media anymore but when I was, I kept relationships very quiet.
There is no need to splash your business everywhere and (even though Facebook would convince you otherwise) public declarations of relationships, new or old alike, aren't necessary.

You and him know you're in a relationship, what does putting it on Facebook achieve?

If it's important to you, and I can actually see your point, then you need to bring it up again and tell him it's hurting you.

I'd also start replying to things on Facebook that his mates tag him in. Like, "wlWhy would you say that? He's had a girlfriend for the last 9 months. I do exist" etc.