to speak to HR about a colleague?

[NoIWillNotHaveABabyShower]

I was just about to do this on Friday, but HR had gone home and I've spent all weekend worrying about what to do.

My colleague's glass is half empty at best. Her DH has had some health issues over the past few years (I think it is connected, which makes me feel guilty) and recently she's been dreadful to be around. She's being so so rude about other colleagues, clients and anyone who happens to piss her off. We've a junior who works with us who is beginning to pick up the attitude as well.

I am really worried about how she will treat me if I go to HR. I'm absolutely terrible at conversations involving feelings and I don't think I'm the one to deal with this.

You need to tell her manager not HR. I work in HR, I'd tell you to discuss with her manager and your own.

Why would HR be your first port of call? Wouldn't her line manager be the normal starting point?

If there has been a change in your colleague's manner (from eeyore to the hulk), it's likely that she's feeling the pressure more. I'd approach it from that angle - "Have you noticed that Sandra is quite angry these days? I think she's under extra stress. It's impacting on others" etc.

Oh I thought HR would deal with these things. I'm glad they weren't there then

I feel like I'm going to the teacher to tell on her. Is that me being really daft?

This is a management issue not an HR issue, speak to your line manager as you would with any other concern you have about your immediate working environment.

I’d raise it a management level first. If nothing is done then HR

Could always approach from the 'I think Gloria could do with some extra support' angle?

No, HR don't deal with these things. Managers are paid to manage. HR won't manage their staff for them.

My colleague's glass is half empty at best. Her DH has had some health issues over the past few years (I think it is connected, which makes me feel guilty)

To be clear, you think her DH has legitimate health issues because she’s a pessimist, or you think she’s depressed because her DH is sick?

One of those is understandable, the other is bunkum obviously.

Regardless, she can’t be rude and hostile to colleagues and clients so I’d raise it with your manager, but your attitude leaves me a bit eye-rolly.

Do you share the same line manager? And do you have regular meetings with your line manager? If so, mention it but focus on the work impact. Eg,

I appreciate Sandra is under some pressure due to her homelife. However, I need to work with her on x,y,z and her attitude is making this difficult.

Oh no I didn't mean that she's making her DH ill

I meant that I think she's finding it all difficult just now.

I don't find these situations easy at all.

100% for your manager to deal with. I agree with approaching it as you feel she may require additional support as it appears to be affecting her... something like that.

My colleague's glass is half empty at best. Her DH has had some health issues over the past few years (I think it is connected, which makes me feel guilty) and recently she's been dreadful to be around. She's being so so rude about other colleagues, clients and anyone who happens to piss her off. We've a junior who works with us who is beginning to pick up the attitude as well.

Where are you personally in this story, OP?

If you feel that you have to say something, i’d go for the ‘I’m worried about her approach’.
Unless the colleague is actually incompetent or not fulfilling their role, a complaint may be viewed as simply a clash of personalities.

If the rudeness is affecting her work, especially to do with clients and with the morale of other staff including yourself, then you need to speak to your boss about it, and voice your concerns.

Keep it fact-based, and don't let personality get in the way.

Other than that she’s a bit down in the dumps about everything at the moment, what exactly is it that you’re complaining about?

Where are you personally in this story, OP?

Twitching at the next desk. She's never been a ray of sunshine but it's the way she speaks about people. It's horrible.

Has she been rude to you?
As for the junior picking up her attitude? Is this junior 5 years old?

Not in earshot but she does wait until people have closed the door behind them to start.

You really need to speak with the Line Manager and let her know your feelings. Our HR isn’t even in the same building and wouldn’t personally know who we are anyway, so if it were me I’d speak with someone more direct. It does sound like she’s going through a difficult time right now but there’s no reason for her to take it out on everybody. Good luck, I hope things improve soon.

Is the junior 5 years old?

Presumably not, but all the same, you don't want them to get the impresstion that this sort of attitude is acceptable and/or tolerated in a working environment.

I agree with Twitchy raise it from a concerned place rather than an irritated one.

Raise it as a concern about her welfare with her Manager, that is manifesting as constant rudeness and inappropriate commenting about customers. Give specific examples. There may be something they can do to give her additional support, that will make her less bitchy in the office.

What are you hoping will happen?

No matter what shit is happening in her life, it doesn't mean she can't treat everyone around her like this. You need to speak up, and perhaps every time you overhear her doing it , call her out on it. It's really tough but people like this are toxic and can quickly ruin a good working environment.

Yes, I'd like the working environment back to the way it was.