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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think sex will never be the same again? Can you give me some hope

47 replies

Jessy111 · 02/06/2019 10:22

I'm 5 weeks PP, third birth and a second degree perennial tear which required stitches. This was the only birth in which I tore.

Everything healed up beautifully so i thought and by 4 weeks PP when I clenched my pelvic floor everything felt as though it was returning to normal. All good.

By 5 weeks PP I decided to brave it and attempt intercourse with OH last night and I could barely feel a thing. It was a completely different experience to how I felt 5 weeks PP with DC2. It wasn't painful but not remotely enjoyable (for me)

I know it's very early days and I must persist with the pelvic floors but I can't help but worry that I'll never enjoy sex again.

Mum's of multiples can you offer any reassurance, or even confirm my worries so I don't get my hopes up? Sad

OP posts:
BrightOink · 02/06/2019 10:25

Defo keep practicing with plenty of lube too. Use vibrators to get stimulated as much as possible first. It probably took me 6 months to have everything feeling some sensation properly after a similar delivery and a whopping 11lb er.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 02/06/2019 10:27

5 weeks??? That's way too soon to be worried op. I was about 8 months pp before thighs felt normal again with both my dc (2nd degree tear with both)

WhiteRedRose · 02/06/2019 10:27

Took me over a year to feel anything OP but it's all back to normal and even better now ❤️

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 02/06/2019 10:28

*things not thighs!

Original poster
Jessy111 · 02/06/2019 10:30

Thank you bright, that gives me some hope! Will take on board your recommendations in the mean time.

I feel like a prize plonker for being so bothered about this so soon after giving birth. If I recall correctly me and OH did the deed 3-4 weeks after DC2 and I dare say it felt tighter than it did before his birth (probably because things were still somewhat swollen) but the sex itself was enjoyable whereas this time it feels like throwing a sausage down the motorway Blush

OH swears blind he can feel everything and it's perfectly fine for him, which then lead me to think perhaps I have some nerve damage because I don't understand how he can feel anything if I can't feel a thing Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessy111 · 02/06/2019 10:31

Just refreshed and saw the other comments, thank you!

I think I'm being a bit daft here aren't I.. baby is barely a month old and here I am worrying about blooming sex

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley1 · 02/06/2019 10:34

Your body needs longer to recover.

mindutopia · 02/06/2019 10:37

It's only 5 weeks! Give yourself some time to recover. I've had two births and two second degree tears (one was very nearly 3rd degree) and I'm absolutely fine. But I definitely wasn't having sex until my body had healed and was ready, which was 3 months at the very earliest. I would say it was easily 8 weeks pp before the swelling was totally gone and things started to feel more normal.

Original poster
Jessy111 · 02/06/2019 10:40

Yes I agree I think I need longer to recover. I'll park this one for a while.

OH and I barely DTD during the pregnancy as I felt so awful so I was missing the intimacy and jumped at the chance when the midwife gave me the go ahead.

It's apparent that feeling ready and actually being ready are very different things.

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 02/06/2019 10:55

The last thing on my mind a few weeks after giving birth was sex. This is your third, so you have been there before so to speak... give yourself much more time, your body has recently been through a lot especially down below.

m0therofdragons · 02/06/2019 10:57

I was so nervous after dd1's horrific birth that we didn't have sex properly for 10 months. Dd never sleeping needs to be taken into account too but from 10months all was good again.3 years later I had a csection and was having sex 5 weeks later (dtds also actually slept but I felt so much more human that time).

Vulpine · 02/06/2019 10:59

5 weeks is a bit quick

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 02/06/2019 11:02

Some women haven’t stopped bleeding at 5 wks so take it slow op because it’s really early days!

Nannewnannew · 02/06/2019 11:11

throwing a sausage down the motorway! 🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
Jessy111 · 02/06/2019 12:36

My bleeding stopped at 3 weeks and the midwife said we'd be fine to do the deed as soon as I felt ready, mentally I am but physically not so much if last night was anything to go by. I was expecting pain if anything but nope, my sausage down the motorway analogy is quite fitting Grin

I'm doing my pelvic floor exercises as I should so hopefully everything will return to normal eventually given chance to heal.

I sound like a complete amateur but will the fact we had sex so soon have a negative impact on the healing process? I hope not. I'll be avoiding it for a while now for sure.

OP posts:
musicposy · 02/06/2019 12:46

I tried at 6 weeks because I felt I should and it was awful. I could still feel the stitches at bit at 6 months. They offered to cut and restitch - no thanks!
It gradually got better and was eventually completely fine. You'll be ok, just take it easy. It's very early days.

Lovesgood · 02/06/2019 12:47

5 weeks is very soon. Ive heard of doctors recommend 8 weeks before. Your body will heal more for sure.

musicposy · 02/06/2019 12:48

Pelvic floor will gradually improve. Keep working on it. I had zero pelvic floor at first but it did return. It takes time.

Siameasy · 02/06/2019 13:01

5w! I was still petrified of shitting myself at that stage. Don’t get ahead of yourself, you are rushing your body. It will take a few months to heal and the pelvic floor will be weak for some time

Original poster
Jessy111 · 02/06/2019 13:07

I was definitely expecting some loss of sensation inside but wasn't prepared for it to "go in" as easily as it did iykwim, there was no resistence from the opening of the vagina at all. It felt like things were still very open, will that change?

I haven't looked downstairs since giving birth but H reassures me it looks the same.

First two births were a breeze in comparison.

First birth i had a only a small graze, with my second no grazing or tearing whatsoever.. then a second degree tear with the most recent birth. I think it was a result of a very quick labour unlike the last two which were substantially longer.

OP posts:
gnushoes · 02/06/2019 13:11

Tbh if you've had a repair and you're attempting sex 5 weeks later you're better off if things aren't so tight - otherwise you risk damaging the healing scar. Do be careful - some women have real problems with old birth wounds in menopause.

Original poster
Jessy111 · 02/06/2019 13:41

You raise a good point gnush

OP posts:
Deadringer · 02/06/2019 13:44

It is very soon, but I can tell you that long term sex was way better for me after i had kids. I don't know if it was because I was older and a bit more experienced (although with the same partner) or what but it got better and better as time went on. Just my two cents.

CuppaSarah · 02/06/2019 13:45

I'm 9 months in after my third episiotomy and stitches. Sex is genuinely better than ever. Took six months to stop being a bit sore during, but now it's great. Expecting a big wound and stitches to not only be healed, but to feel good after only 5 weeks is a bit of a big ask. You need some more time is all.

ThenOutCameTheSunshine · 02/06/2019 13:50

5 weeks is still very soon. I had a very similar tear and couldn't even attempt full PIV sex until 7 months pp as it was so painful. Give it time.