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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why would a woman put up with this?

54 replies

bebebutton · 01/06/2019 16:54

A man who is capable of working but hasn't for 4 years meaning every penny spent is yours?

Lives in your house but due to a court order means that you have to leave it if his kids come over?

Has got off with women in front of you?

Sexts other women?

I am jsut so curious as to why a woman would bother with a man like this?

OP posts:
Original poster
bebebutton · 01/06/2019 17:24

Well he thinks he is!! ha ha

OP posts:
DDIJ · 01/06/2019 17:27

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

NoBaggyPants · 01/06/2019 17:27

What did you see in him? You loved him enough to marry him and have kids.

AnActualWoman · 01/06/2019 17:27

Why can't she be in the same house as the children op?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 01/06/2019 17:27

I thought your children didn't see their father?

SilverySurfer · 01/06/2019 17:28

Some women are apparently incapable of not being in a relationship, no matter how vile. Living alone is a thousand times better and I pity them.

DDIJ · 01/06/2019 17:29

This reply has been withdrawn

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PurpleDaisies · 01/06/2019 17:31

If she’s done something serious enough to be banned from being in the house when children are there, she’s lucky to find anyone who wants to be with her.

BlueJava · 01/06/2019 17:32

I think you ex's wife may do it for several reasons. Maybe she easily affords it and likes the company or help or protection or sex or companionship. Just because you two didn't get on doesn't make him repulsive to everyone.

DockerDre · 01/06/2019 17:33

Why is she not allowed in the house with him when the children are there?

DockerDre · 01/06/2019 17:34

I suspect she plays along because Dad wants to see his kids and they both know that ex-wife is a psychopath?

TanMateix · 01/06/2019 17:38

That is the nature of domestic abuse, it is done little by little so by the time they come to these extreme situations, the abused party has been stripped of their confidence so no longer have the strength to find a way out.

Look at how many threads are in Mumsnet about women who are ignored by their husbands, not even beaten by them or taken advantage of, yet they cannot find the will to leave because they are too scared of standing of their own financial means.

YouBumder · 01/06/2019 17:38

It is and I am really curious as to why she puts up with him?

Well what did you see in him when you were with him?

Why won’t you respond to the questions about why she has to leave when the kids go there?

TanMateix · 01/06/2019 17:39

I would imagine that it is more likely the dad wants to see the kids on his own, and failing to be able to provide a space to meet with his own kids, is chucking her out while they are around.

Antonin · 01/06/2019 17:40

I do not know the circumstances of this case but just wish to note that I have come across similar cases where the court has directed the DPs new partner should not be present during contact. This has nothing to do with the new partner’s previous behaviour etc but because a) this is the only compromise solution the parties can agree on re contact arrangements (and court has been frustrated in its attempts to get an agreement) or b) the children have told the court appointed social worker that they do not want to see the new partner and would refuse to attend contact if he/she were there. The children’s views may be due to the residential parent turning them against the other parents partner but if the children are adamant and likely to be distressed then the benefit of their having contact with their parent will outweigh “fairness” to the other adult every time.
Usually it’s the parents wish to have contact in his home because it is more comfortable then at a contact centre ( and which may incur costs) or on endless trips to malls and places of entertainment.
The father in this case must have proposed and or agreed to the house being made the venue for contact, the court will not have unilaterally done that just because it appeared to be a good idea — that would be absurd and mean a court could compel any third party to make their premises available for a random parents contact. Ask the father why your home was agreed to and what other arrangements could have been made

RaffertyFair · 01/06/2019 17:41

You seem to know an awful lot about your ex's current relationship Hmm

On the surface it's difficult to see why, but there are some details that you ate keeping from the discussion which makes it pointless speculating.

What's the court order all about?

RaffertyFair · 01/06/2019 17:43

Did you request no contact from this woman OP?

TheTrollFairy · 01/06/2019 17:45

So many questions and none involving the new partner!
Why can’t she be there when the kids are there OP? This is beyond odd even for MN unless she has abused children in the past which also wouldn’t really add up as I wouldn’t let my DD over to a house where one of the adults abused a child

NameChangeNugget · 01/06/2019 17:46

You seem to know an awful lot about your ex's current relationship

I was thinking the same. Very weird Hmm

DianaT1969 · 01/06/2019 17:47

Tell us what you saw in him OP, and we'll speculate what she might see in him.
What qualities did you admire that convinced you to have children with him and stay with him for years.
By the way, if I became a multi millionaire, I would travel with my partner and wouldn't expect him to work if we didn't need the money. We've both worked for 28+ years already of my life in my opinion - if I can afford not to work.

Snapandyourgone · 01/06/2019 17:48

OP knows an awful lot about the exs situation.

But not about why this woman isnt around her own kids?

Or seemingly wether the kids actually see their dad or not.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 01/06/2019 17:49

why cant she be in the house when the kids are there

Snapandyourgone · 01/06/2019 17:53

Cant help wondering if the other woman he is sexting.....is infact the OP.

How else would she know?

adviceplease88 · 01/06/2019 17:55

Is this a fake post?Hmm

RaffertyFair · 01/06/2019 18:11

I'd hazard a guess that the OP made it a condition of contact and the ex's DP agreed so he could see his DC.