To ask that if you and your dh would get sick of each other if neither of you worked?

[ExtraPineappleExtraHam]

Not a personal reason for asking this but I've got two examples.
The couple who live next door both don't work. He is on longtime disability and she is a career for their ds who has autism. No judgement on their not working please. Their lives look pretty hard from an outside p.o.v, very little money. I don't see them go anywhere apart from to school and the local shop. I imagine the autism might make certain places unbearable for them so maybe that's a factor too. I think I would get so bored of my dp if I was stuck in a house with him 24/7 but I never hear them argue and she looks happy enough.
The other extreme is my friend's friends have won the euromillions. They were both able to quit their jobs and as they're in their twenties I imagine that their lives are pretty amazing, as you still have quite a big social circle at that age. The one thing that struck me was my friend saying that they had to make a conscious decision to not drink every night as they slipped into drinking two bottles of wine as they didn't have jobs to wake up for. Does this seem like a symptom of unhappiness/ boredom to you? I don't think the only thing that stops me from being an alcoholic is work and money!
I openly admit I enjoy only spending a few hours with dp every night. Even weekends can seem too much. I couldn't cope if we were together all day every day unless we had enough money to have lots of hobbies and holidays!

We'd be fine. We used to work together so wouldn't be that different. I love his company! I dont think wed spend 24 hrs a day together though..

I am a SAHM while my DH works full time. One of my kids is very challenging and is on the waiting list for assessment for ASD. The days I have at home I can feel low at times and am a bit isolated. I look forward to DH coming home and his days off.
I think my life would be a lot less stressful if I had him at home as well but then there wouldn't be that looking forward to time spent together.

I don't know. It's possible but we both have lots of hobbies and interests so I think we might be okay. I'd like to be in a position to try

DP works from home and I'm a SAHM, we do really well as he is my best friend and we give each other space. He isn't very social either so doesn't go out much but I do enjoy missing him when he does, it's an unusual feeling as I never get chance to miss him!

I can answer this from a personal perspective as DH is my carer.

We've been together pretty much every second for the last 13 years.

I've heard it all. Mainly from SIL and MIL. Most of the underlying implications are that: our relationship must be terrible, we must be so fed up and bored, we must be codependant and lacking in independence and freedom, most 'normal' people couldn't deal with it.

I can only describe it as that sort of relationship you had with your best mate when younger, just with great sex We always find something to talk about, laugh at, and love each others company.

The money can be tight, we bring in about 30k in benefits but obviously there are increased costs with disabilities that need paying. We have perfected the art of having free fun!

No. I wouldn’t be married to him if spending time with him would result in me being sick of him

I am retired...dh will work for 6 more years. He works 4 days on , 4 days off so we spend quite a lot of time together. We do a lot together....walking, gym etc...but we both have our own interests.
Luckily are comfortably off so enjoy lots of holidays and breaks.

OMG! I'm in that position NOW!

My DH retired 2 years ago at 57. Sold his business. All our friends are 'joint' friends - mainly clients of his but I have met them. Neither of us have a close personal friend.

His work involved seeing people in their homes and he was really well liked. He is a nice guy. However, since he retired he has 'manipulated' us meeting up for coffee, meals etc with various people. He makes out they have 'just' messaged him but he's always texting and WhatsApping people and I feel totally excluded. I know he instigates these arrangements. It would be OK if we had nothing to do BUT our house is a mess [late parents bungalow had to be cleared and we have bedrooms and garage full of stuff] and we have been going to sort it out for the past 2 years.

I resent his ‘secret’ contact with so many people. He seldom tells me anything they say although I know them too. I just feel excluded. And to top it all, he NEVER remembers what I have said or what we have discussed but remembers every tiny thing about these ex-clients families etc.

I had such visions of a happy retirement together but I am so pissed off. He has even taken over cooking which makes me sound ungrateful BUT I really enjoy cooking and I am very fussy how I like things. Now I find I have to be grateful for a meal he's cooked and I don't bloody like!!!

I am seriously considering calling it a day. I just feel we have 2 lives that are in parallel and only touch when we meet with others. I have told him I am not prepared to play 'Happy Families' in front of others any more.

There’s so much more to this. Maybe I should do my own post….

I’m always baffled by couples who live and work together, I couldn’t do it. Work gives us both breathing space and something to discuss when we both return home in the evening.

I would feel completely suffocated if we were around each other 24/7. It’s always a relief when we return to work after a holiday tbh .

@redwoodmazza that sounds tough. I think you need to have a serious discussion about what your expectations of retirement are.

yes... I am dreading retirement!

Hopefully we will make it.

My husband was a shift worker for nearly 30 years and now he works days. I see him every hour of every day we are not at work. I love him but it is draining. I want my freedom back but can't as he was very ill and had to stop working shifts.

DH and I are in our 60s and could both retire but have been putting it off. It's always about 2 years away

It will eventually happen, and I worry. I can fill my days quite easily (I think!). I have hobbies I want to spend more time on, and look forward to doing new things eg day time classes, volunteering. DH has always identified himself very closely with his profession and that bothers me. His mental health is not great either (these things are connected). He has no friends outside work (he won't make the effort) and our 'couple' friends have dwindled for various reasons.
He is planning a specific project for his retirement and he's started planning and buying for it, but I keep wondering if he'll ever start - there's nothing to stop him starting now.

He has to be busy, and that's always been channelled into DIY / house maintenance, which he can't do for ever, especially as we plan to move to a new house so that we don't have a maintenance headache or a dilapidated house when we're 80! (and I'm tired of living in a building site / cluttered environment - it would drive me nuts if I was at home all day).

DH and spend approximately 4 days a week together as we both work flexi hours. DC all grown up. We're always complaining it's not long enough but if we didnt work at all, we'd drive each other up the wall, I'm certain!

Glad that there's an equal amount of 'we'd love it' and 'oh god no' people. My main worry would be that we're very different, I'm social, have a million hobbies and interests, am a member if every charity going. DP has few hobbies because he works too much (he says) although he could find the time if he really wanted. I know our lives would be a Groundhog Day affair of me going out and him saying 'going out again are you?' Luckily our dc's are enough of a shared interest at the moment. We've been together since we were 16 so I think when we used to spend a lot of time together when we were younger we had loads of fun. It's him that's changed.

No, we like spending time together. We spent almost every minute together for six months while we cared for his mother and there were no issues at all. We just get on and have very similar tastes, both introverts. Other partners I needed time away from though.

My DH had an accident when I was on maternity leave and we had 8 weeks off together. It was really lovely, despite the broken neck as he was still fairly mobile (after a couple of weeks anyway). We’d go stir crazy sat inside every day but because we’re super active people, not because we’d argue or anything.

One of the myriad of reasons that I will never have a partner is the lack of desire to spend any length of time with someone

I'd worry we'd turn into those biege couples on Escape to the Country.

We enjoy spending time together, but we also both have plenty of hobbies to do independently. Wouldn’t be a problem at all.

I have just retired at the age of 58. DH is at home most of the time but does still work a little on a freelance basis. We. Oath have hobbies, interests and separate friends. We get on. I think we’ll be ok. We have no children so it’s always been just the two of us.

Yes. I like me time and enjoy my days off when DP is at work when I can potter around doing my thing. DP is the opposite and occasionally takes offence if I want to do things alone. He had pretty much the whole of February off and I felt a bit suffocated by the end of it.

We no longer work, I have a horse that takes up a lot of time!

My partner works shifts and works 2 weekends out of 3. We often don’t see each other awake for days on end as I work full time, long hours and commute. I am used to having time on my own and I love it! We don’t have kids, so it’s often just me and the dog in the evenings and weekends.

It works for us, we text and speak on the phone a lot, and the time we do spend together we generally plan something specific.

We don’t really share the same taste in tv or films so we both get to watch what we want when we are alone, then save up the things we both do enjoy and watch together.

We go away a lot, over his weekends off. I see friends and family during the other weekends when he is working. He sees his mates on his days off during the week, and does a lot of the house chores when I am at work.

I’m very introverted and really need and enjoy time alone. He had an accident a few years ago and was off work for 10 months. I must admit I found it hard going, obviously I was concerned about his health, but once it was stable and a case of recouperation it was hard going to be together every weekend and evening! It’s just not what we are used to..

We love lots of time together and I'm never bored with my husband. However, my husband likes to get out and run etc so we'd always have time apart. We plan to have joint and separate activities when we're both retired so we have stuff to chat about.