to be so paranoid?

[drowningorwaving]

Before I post this I just want to say I know these thoughts are irrational and it's all in my head, but I'm not sure how to deal with it or why I'm feeling like this,

I've never suffered from paranoia or any kind of paranoid thoughts before, I have diagnosed anxiety but that has never shown itself in paranoid thoughts before. However over the past couple of months I've been getting increasingly paranoid. For example every time I go out in public I feel like everyone is watching me, not talking about me or judging me but something more sinister - I feel like I'm on some kind of hitlist and everyone is conspiring against me. I've covered the fire alarm in my bedroom (rented property) as I'm convinced I'm being watched through it via a camera, every time the phone rings or someone knocks on the door I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack because I'm certain I'm going to be "caught" or killed or something (I'm not in trouble with anyone re the being caught thing lol, I'm just convinced I am). DP is away tonight and I'm absolutely terrified to be in the house alone, I've checked the door is locked multiple times and every tiny noise makes me jump. I've NCed for this because I'm so embarrassed and it's so stupid but I really don't know how to deal with it and it's scaring me.

Your fear is probably going to feed it.

What are your usual anxiety triggers? And what originally prompted your anxiety?

Is DP normally very 'protective' that you feel so vulnerable without him home?

Please don’t feel silly.

This is likely an extension of your anxiety but please do see someone. If you can’t actually say it out loud show your doctor this thread. You don’t have to live like this x

Please don't feel embarrassed, and you are certainly not stupid. Your anxiety is manifesting itself in intrusive thoughts, that can very easily make you paranoid. When I started peri-menopause, my anxiety hit me like a truck. I had never had anxiety issues before, and I was absolutely terrified. I became paranoid that if I used a knife whilst cooking, I might just start stabbing myself. It was an overwhelming feeling and very confusing as I had no desire to harm myself. It was awful, and I know how much you are suffering right now.

Are you able to get digital books on your phone or a tablet? If so, I highly recommend the book "Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks" by Barry McDonagh. I can't even begin to tell you how much this book helped me. I hope you feel better soon.

I would honesty see a doctor. This isn't typical anxiety and is similar to the paranoia I once experienced after a bad trip in my misguided youth - thinking everybody is watching you is a common delusion.

You should definitely book in to see a GP so that they can refer you to a mental health specialist. My uncle had similar paranoid thoughts and suffered from schizophrenia, which presents later in women than it does in men.

In the meantime, if I were you I would find some activity or object that you find soothes you and use it as a calming mechanism.

I also suffer from anxiety, and if sleeping alone at night, I find that the best way to feel safe is to lie on my side with a pillow along my back. Then it feels like I'm being spooned and that my back is protected.

Hope you feel better soon

oneforthepain my usual triggers are mainly stuff like vomit/germs, loved ones dying, etc, I can't actually remember what triggered it in the first place because I've been suffering from it since my childhood but I've had counselling and I'm on meds. He's not really overprotective, it's more the fact that I'm convinced if someone was going to come in and attack me or something and they'd been watching the house, they'd know tonight he's not here (our two eldest are also away) and would try and do it tonight. It's stupid and irrational I know

How old are you, op?

I've had intrusive thought too and often wondered if they relate to my ADHD. A common one is 'what if I was to just stab/punch this person' and always in the most inappropriate situations like interviews, weddings etc. Apparently intrusive thoughts are surprisingly common. One of my friends who is absolutely not an introspective person and generally very confident (public speaking etc) called me up one day and explained a sudden thought about punching somebody - totally out of character and never repeated almost ten years later.

Wif thank you, showing the GP the thread is a good idea, I'm hesitant to say out loud to them because I don't know how to put it and I'm worried what they'll think x

Aquamarine I understand what you mean about the knife thing, I'm glad (that's not the right word lol but you know what I mean) I'm not alone in feeling like this. I'll download that on my ipad later, it sounds like it'll be a good help

I'm 35

I've had the out of character feelings of wanting to punch someone or that before but I've always thought everyone has those, I'm not sure if it's connected but it's an interesting thought.
I want to see my GP but I'm worried in case I can't put the point across properly and they think Im just anxious when it feels like much more than yhat

My husband has paranoid schizophrenia, I'm not internet diagnosing or suggesting you have it paranoia can manifest in all sorts of ways. The house being watched, thinking someone is going to hurt you sounds so familiar please see your GP or if you get any worse crisis team/present at hospital.

Any voices?

DP is away tonight and I'm absolutely terrified to be in the house alone,

If anyone is going to kill you, it's him. 2 women a week are murdered by their partners. Hardly any are murdered by strangers and none after spying on you thru the smoke alarm. So relax whilst he's away, you're at your safest.

Of course only a tiny proportion of men murder their partners, so it's extremely unlikely he is going to murder you. I doubt you will ever be murdered by anyone, ever.

Given your age, it might be worth it having your hormone levels checked. You are still young, but hormonal imbalances at 35 are certainly not unheard of, and the havoc they can wreak on your mental health can be extreme.

In the kindest possible way, please see a doctor as soon as you’re able to. A colleague of mine, who suffers from serious paranoid delusions, exhibited these symptoms as part of a serious mental illness crisis. I’m sure it’s not as bad as that, but you’re better accessing help, and any treatment, ASAP. I’m sure if you called NHS 24 tomorrow, they’d hook you up with an out of hours appointment. Please try to get some rest tonight - everything always feels worse when you’re exhausted.
Take care.

I reached the conclusion that recognising how deluded these thoughts are is a firm indicator of your sanity (not that you ever doubted it I'm sure).

Can you get an appointment with your GP first thing on Monday? If you feel like paranoid thoughts are getting way out of hand I think you should seek medical advice even sooner, over the weekend if needs be. This is a mental health issue.
Dr will help you to get this under control and help you feel better.

You are safe at home, your loved ones are safe and you're going to get support. Do not try and manage this alone.

Could you try playing some gentle music for background noise to help you relax?

I've not heard any voices or seen anything that isn't there etc, it's just the paranoia. I'll make a GP appointment when I can. These responses are helping, thank you all :) I'm sitting in the lounge and wanting to go and get something from the kitchen but I feel too paranoid to leave the room, I keep hearing noises like floorboards creaking or the hot water tank and thinking that someone's broken in

The fact that you know you are being paranoid and that you know really that people are not watching you means you have s hood grip in reality and sane but covering up the fire alarm is worrying, I’ve just seen my gp about panic attacks and got good help, all you have to go and say what you’ve said here. You can and will make a full recovery If you get support ASAP

The creaking floorboards etc are just the house 'settling' it used to freak me out until I realised what it was. Now I expect to hear odd noises.

You can ring Samaritans for a anonymous chat Ive found them very soothing

I also used to get the paranoia thing sometimes and also think it's an overactive imagination. I've got a big mirror in my room (floor to ceiling) and used to fear I'd see my reflection wink back at me or something equally insane.

After reading this thread I looked at it and felt that feeling again for a moment, but I'm generally able to fight it off - by that I mean almost in a 'you're picking the wrong fight here, mate' kind of way, which despite sounding ridiculous works. You could try and feel empowered for want of a better word (may not work but certainly does for me). Who do these intrusive thoughts think they're messing with etc. I always found that I was never anxious if in a bad mood - I almost dared something to try me.

I'm sitting in the lounge and wanting to go and get something from the kitchen but I feel too paranoid to leave the room...

You poor thing! I know it's so so hard, but gather all of your strength to get up and go into the kitchen. Your anxiety is playing horrible tricks on you, and giving into that fear only makes that little monster even more powerful. It's a vicious cycle that can only get better when we break it.

Your home is safe. YOU ARE SAFE. You can do this, op.

I don't think covering the alarm is any worse than me keeping the lights on high to avoid looking at my mirror in the dark tbh. But I only ever experienced it at night.