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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be so paranoid?

30 replies

drowningorwaving · 31/05/2019 22:36

Before I post this I just want to say I know these thoughts are irrational and it's all in my head, but I'm not sure how to deal with it or why I'm feeling like this,

I've never suffered from paranoia or any kind of paranoid thoughts before, I have diagnosed anxiety but that has never shown itself in paranoid thoughts before. However over the past couple of months I've been getting increasingly paranoid. For example every time I go out in public I feel like everyone is watching me, not talking about me or judging me but something more sinister - I feel like I'm on some kind of hitlist and everyone is conspiring against me. I've covered the fire alarm in my bedroom (rented property) as I'm convinced I'm being watched through it via a camera, every time the phone rings or someone knocks on the door I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack because I'm certain I'm going to be "caught" or killed or something (I'm not in trouble with anyone re the being caught thing lol, I'm just convinced I am). DP is away tonight and I'm absolutely terrified to be in the house alone, I've checked the door is locked multiple times and every tiny noise makes me jump. I've NCed for this because I'm so embarrassed and it's so stupid but I really don't know how to deal with it and it's scaring me.

OP posts:
drowningorwaving · 31/05/2019 23:22

thank you so much,
this is all helping a lot and I'm glad I'm not alone. All this advice is helping ❤️

I've still not found the courage to leave the room lol but I have the TV on as some background noise and I'm texting DP which is helping a bit too

OP posts:
llamallamallamallamachameleon · 31/05/2019 23:55

The intrusive thoughts you mentioned are very commonplace, we all have them all the time about a variety of things -good, bad, boring, exciting. We tend to remember the ones that make us go wtf as they are taboo thoughts about violence, sex etc. I wouldn't worry about them personally.

As for the other things you described, the line between what might be considered anxiety or considered paranoia is very blurry and a bit arbitrary. Some of the things you describe sound like like intense 'anxiety'. Some of the things sound more 'paranoid'. Like often people who feel anxious might think someone is going to break in to their house, be hyper vigilant about noises and interpret a creak as a sign of an intruder. Probably most of those people wouldn't think that they were on a hit list and somehow specifically being targeted, or that someone had gone to the trouble of putting a camera in a smoke alarm in order to spy on them. Unless you are very famous or important, why would people go to that much trouble for you, if you see what I mean?

I would speak to your GP on Monday and ask for a referral to the appropriate local mental health service for a proper (non Mumsnet) assessment. Maybe ask if they have an early intervention team as they would be very experienced in assessing paranoia/anxiety and send you in the right direction if they aren't the best people to help. Obviously if it gets worse in the meantime and you find yourself in a massive pickle then I'd get more immediate support or help. Hope you get the help you need to make you feel better as it sounds really rubbish to feel that way x

Stroopwaffel99 · 31/05/2019 23:55

I'll tell you a story which will hopefully make you laugh...

I was housesitting at my parents' bungalow in my mid 20s. It's large, with four double bedrooms, four separate bathrooms, and a guest suite. It backs onto the neighbour's wood on one side.

I was lying in bed slightly drunk/stoned (misspent youth) and heard music playing faintly. At first, I thought nothing of it as our neighbour's son usually stops and gets out his car to open the garage, at which point you can hear the music from the other side of a tall yew hedge. However, in my partial slumber I slowly realised the music had been playing for several minutes rather than the usual 30 seconds.

It was then that I realised it was coming from slightly the wrong direction, towards the woods where there are no houses. I then with an absolute jolt realised it was coming from the stereo inside the house!

After a minute or so of lying there with my mind racing, I picked up the rolling pin I always kept by my bed whilst staying there alone, and I decided to creep through, figuring I knew the house well in the dark and had an advantage. I'm a big guy (6'2) and lift weights so quite strong, but I was utterly crapping it lol. You never known how you'll react in these situations but I was 110% alert and twitchy and ready to bash somebody with the rolling pin (likely fight or flight response). I wanted to run but where could I go?

I crept through in the dark and could see the stereos light reflecting off the tiles from around the corner. The lights were off and the radio was on some cheesy 80s station I recall. My first thought was "what psychopath would break in and blast music?" I really wondered if it was some kind of psycho.

After several minutes (felt like 5-10) but probably only two, I snuck through and turned off the stereo. That was the worst bit as it was now totally quiet and I figured that I'd now announced my presence to the intruder. I called out "hello" in my sternest voice and was met with silence. I then crept around the house and put all the lights on one by one, which took ages as I truly thought somebody may still be in there.

I couldn't find a broken window or means of entry and was utterly perplexed but also relieved. It was then that I saw the clock on the microwave had turned to 00:00 indicating a power cut. Everything clicked together at once!

I'd been blasting a CD whilst making breakfast that day and had left the stereo on. The powercut had then reset it and the first thing that usually comes on is the tuner.

What a prat! 😂

Pandamodium · 01/06/2019 00:31

OP when my insomnia gets bad I get stressed which manifests in hearing voices. First time it happened I went sobbing to the GP my first thought being psychosis (I have other MH stuff but never that) actually she said similar as a PP that knowing it was irrational/not real is a really positive thing.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/06/2019 21:58

How are you feeling, op?

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