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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my partners family have picked awkward dates?

44 replies

silentpoolg · 31/05/2019 19:40

My partner gets a free holiday with his family every year still. I can't go due to work.

I can book leave any time in August, and I like to do one block of 2 weeks. My partner knows this, and we'd planned to go island hopping in Greece. I can't book any holidays until I see how my work schedule is looking, but partners family are control freaks and have to book well in advance.

Anyways. They've chosen to go away 8-14. I know I could fit in two week at the last weeks of August, but this is the most expensive period. It's just really frustrating me that any flight deals I see all seem to bloody fall into the period they are away in somehow argh! Like there is a flight for £102 and then if we go after the dates they are away it's £300.

FFS

OP posts:

BlueSkiesLies · 31/05/2019 19:41

Can your partner even take off a month in one go?

Anyway sounds like you could go on this holiday since it’s in your August holiday allowed period?

BlueSkiesLies · 31/05/2019 19:42

Also DP is his own agent. He could say “sorry can’t come this year fam, me and silent are off island hopping in Greece”

Parker231 · 31/05/2019 19:45

Has your DP let his family know that those dates don’t work for him due to his holiday with you? Or instead you could take the time off then and go with them?

Original poster

silentpoolg · 31/05/2019 19:46

Dp had to confirm those dates in January. It just annoys me that we can't get the holiday we want because they insist on dates and say they can't wait to see what we're doing dates wise.

OP posts:

rookiemere · 31/05/2019 19:48

Its hardly unreasonable for them to want to book a holiday that they're paying for that's less than 3 months away. Think you're looking for non existent reasons to be annoyed at them.

Icandothisallday · 31/05/2019 19:49

The your dp could just say he cant go.

They are going on holiday and arranged it far before you. He agreed to go knowing you wanted to go the same time.

If they needed to know in January, why is this an issue now?

SpeckofStardust · 31/05/2019 19:49

But you can go on their holiday, it’s in August and you can book any time off in August you say. Them booking well in advance isn’t them being control freaks, it’s them taking advantage of cheaper rates for early booking. It’s not their fault you having to leave it late to book means you have to pay more. Let’s be honest here, it’s not you can’t go on their holiday it’s you don’t want to, which is fine but just own it. Your DP has that same choice if he didn’t want to go he just needed to say so and go with you instead.

ourkidmolly · 31/05/2019 19:50

Well your DP needs to choose you over his family doesn't he? All sounds a bit strange anyway. How old is he? Free holidays at his parents' choosing? Is he 18?

ourkidmolly · 31/05/2019 19:50

Do you get on with them?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 31/05/2019 19:51

I don't think it's unreasonable of them. Some people book holidays really far in advance, due to my DP's job we have to book them last minute - everyone's different. Just because they book in advance, it doesn't make them control freaks.

It's upto your DP whether he wants to go or not, he could always say no.

CherryPavlova · 31/05/2019 19:52

I think the problem is your partner, possibly.
It would depend how established the partnership was and how old he is. I’d worry if my 45 year old partner of 27 years was still going on holiday with mummy. I can’t see a problem if you’re childless, together under about five years and under 25.
Circumstances are key to reasonableness.

Lazypuppy · 31/05/2019 19:52

Surely you just go on the holiday in august with them this year as you'll.be able to get the leave

MonteStory · 31/05/2019 19:53

I don’t understand. You can’t go with them due to work. But you can book your own holiday the same time?
If you’re free, go with dh. If you don’t want to (fair enough, I wouldn’t) ask dh to do a week with you and a week with them maybe.

To be honest, booking far in advance isn’t that strange. What’s strange is dh seeing the holiday as a given rather than a ‘we’ve been invited to this, shall we go?’

Sirzy · 31/05/2019 19:53

Wanting to book a holiday in January for the August is hardly unreasonable!

Many people need to book holiday from work well in advance. Other people just like to know what they are doing

Evilspiritgin · 31/05/2019 19:57

Just to point out both my sister and I have had holidays with my parents (I’m 46) with partners children etc, what’s so fucking weird or is it allowed on mn because I’m a woman

Pearlfish · 31/05/2019 19:58

I'm sure they didn't pick those dates just to annoy you OP! They probably got a better deal then (just like you want to) and they didn't want to arrange it around your hypothetical / uncertain dates.

That doesn't mean it's not annoying though - I totally agree that it's annoying, I just don't think it's their fault.

How old is DP? Maybe time for him to knock his parents' holiday on the head? Again that's his choice though!

HolesinTheSoles · 31/05/2019 20:01

I think DP has to take responsibility. He can decline the family holiday, insist on certain dates or you can go too. Either way it should be agreed between you. I don't think it's awkward of his family to book in advance. Presumably there are lots of them and if you want a nice place or good deal you should do it as early as possible.

BrendasUmbrella · 31/05/2019 20:03

Aren't you going on the family holiday too?

Sleepsoon7 · 31/05/2019 20:09

Can you book leave in July? Or last week in August and first week in September?

mrsm43s · 31/05/2019 20:10

Why do you think your choice of holiday dates trump theirs? They are in a position to book, and you are not.

If some weeks are cheaper, surely the ones who are ready and able to book will book them. You can't really expect them not to, just on the off chance that you might or might not want to book them in the future.

Confirming holiday dates and booking in January for August is quite normal and reasonable. Most people wouldn't leave it much later, especially for a large family group.

bridgetreilly · 31/05/2019 20:14

YABU. They have chosen a week which (a) you could go on and (b) leaves you 2 weeks for a separate holiday. They seem to have been more than reasonable and it's not their fault August is, shock horror, a popular and expensive holiday month.

NannyRed · 31/05/2019 20:20

Booking holiday dates in advance hardly makes his family “control freaks”
August is school holidays and therefore the most expensive month of the year.
Sorry love, but you are coming across as a bit unreasonable.
Could you take a holiday with someone else and let your partner holiday with his family whilst you have your chosen week with a friend?

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/05/2019 20:23

Well can you go with them now you know your work schedule?.... Tbh unless you receive a high salary I think it is unfair for you not to be able to book well in advance. You don’t necessarily get the best deals that way.

PCohle · 31/05/2019 20:28

I really don't think it's control freakery to have booked a holiday a few months in advance. Why should his entire family have to wait to book, and possibly miss out on early bird deals, just to see "what you're doing dates wise"?

It sounds like you're looking for reasons to be pissed off.

CripsSandwiches · 31/05/2019 20:33

It's certainly not control freaky to book a holiday a few months in advance - lots of places go in October of the previous year - it would be crazy for his entire family to pay extra for the holiday waiting for someone who doesn't even want to come to get her holiday dates.

I actually think if they're a close family it's lovely they still holiday together. I'd love to get a big villa with lots of our family one day. That said as people get older they're obviously free to opt out of the family holiday and go with their DP instead. If your DP doesn't want to do that you should have it out with him not his family.

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