Long time stalker, first time poster. I beg, please be kind.
The title says it all really but to give more context, we've only been married 2 months. My husband is a wonderful man in so many ways and I feel very fortunate to have him in my life. Of course we have our problems, but they are very small and we only really bicker about trivial stuff like housework.
A couple of weeks ago I was on his computer. His computer is in the living room and I use it all the time as well, but he uses it mostly for gaming so he is on it way more than me.
I was looking through his internet history as there was a site we'd both been looking at a few days prior and I wanted to find it, but I stopped searching for that site when lots and lots of Facebook searches showed up. Though my husband has Facebook, I've never really seen him on it this much so I was wondering what had he been looking at.
I know people are going to be like ' that's his personal searches, you were looking for trouble' but honestly, anyone, including my husband, can look through my search history or phone as I have nothing to hide (it's rather boring photos of my cats, nephew and food).
So I went through the searches and it was full of beautiful girls, all very much his type (I'm his type too but you know, we've lived together for 2 years, he see's me mostly in my PJ's with my hair in a top knot nowadays, rather than being 'dolled up'). But he wasn't just looking at one or two photo of each girl, he was going through their entire back catalog it seemed and he done it with several girls, all whilst I was either asleep upstairs or out of the house.
I was f**cked off.
I was well and truly hurt. I actually was shaking and so distraught. I know it may sound OTT but he's never given me a reason to think his head would turn and for him to look at all this girls really hurt me.
I did bring it up with him that day and I'll be honest, I cried, I lost my temper and I stormed out the house. I think my exact words were 'why don't you look at more girls on facebook whilst I'm gone'. He pretended to be clueless and had 'no idea what I was talking about'.
Eventually we sorted things out, but I'll be honest, my pride was dented. I stupidly thought he only had eyes for me. Anyway, after that outburst, I kind of thought he wouldn't do it again as he had seen how badly it affected me but low and behold, weeks later I've just checked his history again and there they are. More facebook searches of lots of different girls (he's all friends with them) all looking gorgeous, showing everything off (good for them, I'm not judging them, I just know he's noticing that too) and I feel like a bloody fool.
Sorry it's so long winded but I'd love to hear from other married women. Is this normal? Or even if it's not normal, do I even have a right to be upset? He's only looking right? But deep down it's hurting me a lot. I would never want to make him feel how I feel as he's very insecure about his looks, specifically his weight and I think if he caught me looking at buff, slim men, he'd be distraught. I'm so upset and I know I should talk to him again but he's away at work for this week and now I don't feel like I trust him any more (he works away often with work). AIBU?