To worry I'm going to ruin Christmas for DC1?

[loie]

I'm pregnant with DC2. DC1 will be a few weeks off 3 when I'm due (27.12).

I feel really guilty in general that I'm having a second - I'm not sure if that's normal or not, but I'm so panicked about the adjustment for him, and now - adding to that panic - I'm worried I'll be in labour/in hospital over Christmas.
I know at his age it doesn't particularly matter whether you celebrate a few days later or whatever but I don't think I'd be able to shake the guilt!!!

Do I need to just get over this?

Yes, I think you do. You’re giving yourself something to worry about when you shouldn’t be. Don’t give it another thought.

Why don't you make him feel excited about getting a sibling, to be part of it? There is no reason for it to be ruined for him, it can be played as the best Xmas present he will ever have.

Why don't you have Christmas Day with presents/dinner etc a week before? He really won't know what day it's supposed to be and by 3 won't have too concrete an idea of how things are supposed to be but you would at least feel like you have done that aspect for him. It wouldn't need to be elaborate. Then you can put your feet up while he plays with his new toys. Hopefully he will see his new sibling as a bonus present!

It's 1 christmas, when he's 3. It won't bother him much and he'll be spoiles rotten by others if you happen to be in hospital over christmas which is unlikely.
And, he gets a new baby brother or sister for chrismas, how exciting is that for him??
I had 2 weeks in hospital after my second and my daughter couldn't come and visit me for most of because i was all hooked up to life support and we didn't want her to see me like that unless she had to. I was so worried it would affect her or damage our relationship or the relationship with her brother. She breezed right through it and loved the undivided attention of her dad and grandparents. Kids are way more resilient to stuff like this than we give them credit for, especially if we adults don't make a big deal out of it.
It's very normal to feel some guilt about bringing a second child to a family - feels like your depriving your first of some love or something but siblings are great and theres no need for the guilt- your love just grows.

He is 3 he won't give a hoot as long as Santa comes he will be happy just tell him his sibling might come near Christmas day you are over worrying.

In the nicest possible way, yes you do need to get over this. Almost exactly the same age gap between my sibling and I who was also born around Christmas. Can't remember giving a shit at the time and certainly don't now!

The guilt is normal though btw.

Make it part of Christmas, if it happens. I’d make it known to everyone who’d listen that I want to go home as soon as possible. The hospital staff will try to make it special for you and your family if you have to stay in.

Try to see it as different rather than spoilt. Think about how you will handle aspects of the day to make it as special as possible. Getting a special present that the baby can give, for example.

At this age they don't know when Christmas day is. Maybe have Christmas a week before the due date? At 3 your child won't know.

my sister was born on my 3rd birthday. we have a great relationship. nothing was spoiled

Yes, you do need to get over it 🌷

It’s normal though. Lots of Mum’s (I don’t know any Dad’s who think this way, but doubtless there are some) who worry about DC1 missing out or about not loving DC2 as much as DC1.

DS is only going to be 3, he has no concept of what Christmas really is or what it should be like. Pretty tree, few presents, look at the lights on people’s houses and he’ll be perfectly happy with ‘Christmas’.

Stop worrying x

I agree he will have no idea about Christmas day you can play it by ear and do Christmas whenever it suits

It is different for him than it is for you. Christmas Day is always a bit overblown IMO until they get that bit older and really get into it (mine are 7&9 and Christmas is much better now than when toddlers).

Just concentrate on enjoying the time with him before baby arrives! Christmas is miles away.

Don’t have ‘Christmas’ before Christmas - firstly you’re not due until after & the baby might even be late, Christmas on Christmas Day is the most likely to be perfectly possible. Secondly, he’ll be running around telling people what he got for Christmas, it’ll be confusing for other children, and him. Totally unnecessary hassle.

He won’t even know which day is Christmas Day. You could have Christmas a week late if you’re in hospital and he wouldn’t know! When dd was 2/3 we didn’t tell her it was Christmas Eve as I knew she would never sleep from excitement and so on Christmas morning it was like the best surprised ever that Christmas Day had finally come

Assuage you guilt by planning. Have everything needed for DS’s Christmas ready at least a month before. Decide on the most convenient day to celebrate when you feel up to enjoying it with him. Tell him Santa is coming early this time just for him because he wants to come before baby arrives. Tell him this in case he becomes confused by others comments about Christmas. Include a gift that Santa wants him to give baby.
Enjoy your special Christmas with DS1 knowing that whether your new baby arrives early or late DS1 will have a great time around the 25th with other family members.
Enjoy your pregnancy OP

With my second baby I was in hospital for a total of 8 hours from start to finish. DS1 barely noticed I was gone. His abiding memory of the day his brother was born was that his Grandma let him have two breakfasts at her house.

My two love each other to bits. DS2 was definitely the best thing we ever gave to DS1.

It is a totally normal worry - I had the weirdest, most stressful dreams when pregnant with dc2, all involving not being able to save dc1 from a horrible fate (usually falling down into a bottomless pit or being swept away in a tsunami/ shipwreck situation) because I had the newborn in my arms and there was nowhere to put him down safely without him also falling to his death...

Horrible.

Also groundless obviously.

I do think the guilt over changing your existing child's world utterly and no longer having as much focus in your one and only is normal.

However rationally I don't actually think it's good for anyone involved to be too intensely 100% focussed on one child, and healthier for the child not to always be the centre of attention!

So the guilt is irrational, but normal.

New babies need to be fed, warm, dry and physically close to a parent but toddlers can still be the focus of your mental energy, and if you stick to that your dc1 will not miss out.

Buy his present in advance including a little present "from" the baby, be sure there'll be a tree and pay attention to him, don't palm him off more than you can help and have DH bring him with him to visit and to collect you from hospital - do not have grandparents return him to find you and the newborn in a Madonna and child tableu in the living room, or nobody could blame him for feeling replaced!

As long as you handle it thoughtfully a new sibling is a good thing which will enrich his life, but your feelings are normal.

Ditto to Christmas being better after they are 5+. DD spends alternate Christmases with me, when she was little we would just write a letter to Santa telling him what day ‘our’ Christmas was going to be. Sometimes it was the week before sometimes the week after, it really made no difference to her.

I guess its different if you are religious but when you aren’t its very easy to just move the date.

I'll just remind you that you're not very likely to have the baby on (or even very close to) your due date. It could easily be two weeks earlier or later.

Christmas will still be fun.

Children of 3 are notoriously bad with new siblings, though, I've always been told.
You should start getting him excited about having a new sibling from now. If you feel guilty he will pick up on it and it may actually create problems. So... get over it.

My grandmother died on Xmas eve.

My mum died on Xmas day.

I think a Xmas-time birth is very, very far down the list of things that can ruin Christmas.

Surely a brand new sibling is the most exciting Christmas present of all?

It’s your second baby who will be more affected by having a birthday so close to Christmas! I’d celebrate as normal - if the baby comes early it may be not exactly on the day. Definitely an extra present from the newborn.
This is the time your husband needs to step up to ensure your older child still feels the thrill of Christmas and new baby while you are feeling it’s all getting too much - you don’t need to be stressing about delivering a perfect Xmas when about to /just have given birth!

This happened with me and DS was born Dec 21st, Dd aged 3, and I came out of hospital on Christmas Eve. I'd sorted all presents months before, and we had a really quiet Christmas Day just the four of us with a few visitors dropping in for a short time. It was really lovely and dd was so excited about her little brother and Christmas as well, it all seemed part of the day. My advice would be to not promise any family that you will see them, just see nearer the time what you feel like. I had had an EC so needed to be quiet and recover, but you might feel more social.

Also if you're not due till the 27th then it's likely you may not even have had the new baby on Xmas day. Really don't worry about this at all. Either way it's all good.

Don't overdo it or he might want a baby sibling every Christmas