To have only just realised how sad i am

[Rosielee93]

I was just thinking to myself I'd love to go out on a girly night out for my birthday end of june and then it dawned on me. Id literally have no one to invite. I have no friends.

Ive always known this but I've just realised how lonely and sad it is that i cant even go on a night out for my birthday. I have one friend i see 2/3 times a year but shes not a night out sort of person and is busy with her career plus shes more of an acquaintance now.

Just wish i had a best friend or a group of close friends. I also thought about if i get married in the future id have no friends to ask to be my bridesmaids. How sad is that?! I dont want to go through life with no friends.

I experienced this in my early thirties. I looked around myself and realised that with my career and relationship I'd taken my eye off friendships and lost them all.

I feel similar to the poster before who shared lots of tips, you have to build a larger outer circle in order to create potential for an inner circle. Three main activities worked for me - MeetUp, a young person's walking group and a social dance activity.

I have work colleagues and friends of my sister and that's it. I've been working on building some friendships in playgroup and think i am getting there but its so hard. I hate the idea of pushing myself in to a group so i probably don't suggest things as much as i should unless its for ds as want him to have a much bigger friendship circle than me

I'm nervous about having just moved out of London for this reason. It's nicer to be nearer family because I'm a single mum but realistically I don't think I'll see my existing friends that often and very worried about trying to make new friends in the new place! Gets so much harder once you're older I made some lovely friends during maternity leave but most people (like me) will be back at work now I imagine.

OP, I hope you find something nice to do for yourself for your birthday! Pamper evening/favourite movie or maybe go out to do something nice that you like such as a gallery?

I guess I have taken so much solace from the fact that my children are far better at socialising than I ever was at their age. I remember hating sport and struggling to fit in at birthday parties, I could cry with joy when I see them flourishing at both. It’s no help to my own lack of friendships now, but I just console myself that they won’t go through the same.

I completely understand OP.

It's my birthday tomorrow and I'll be spending it alone, I have no friends to invite to spend time with and last saw a friend about 2 years ago.

Where are you Hilts? I’m sure there will be some Mnetters near where you live that could maybe meet you for coffee.

@Zoflorabore ..where do I find the meet ups topic please?

Someone said to me a while ago, it’s because you need to find your ‘tribe’, it can take a long time, but they are out there. I’m mid forties, and feel like I’m finally finding my ‘tribe’, having felt like you many times.

@Rosielee93 I recently left Bristol but come back regularly, I have family I stay with in Horfield and Bishopston. Whereabouts are you?

Hilts I’m so sorry I forgot to message you yesterday

Happy belated birthday

It's hard I know. I'm just not much of a join-er. I dislike Big groups.
I work in a place that caters funerals. I'm often amazed when much older people die and there's like 100 people at their funeral. I think they must have been really popular. Loads of family and friends and people from clubs they've been members of. I'd struggle to fill a hall. But I see being a join-er in person as someone with money, time and babysitters, which I never had.

It takes some time, don't be discouraged and don't push it.
You will start with small talk in baby group or other, and you might find someone you really "click" with.
You can start chit chatting with neighbours.

The best way to meet people is through hobby (sport for me). You focus on the activity and chit chat with people then get to know them more and more, meet out and friendship can grow.

When the kids are older , you meet other parents at the clubs.

It takes time and a bit of effort, small talk are not people's idea of fun, but that's how you start.

Hi please can you send me details of the Facebook mumsnet group as I was reading this thread and feel the same way and would love to Meetup Thankyou

Happy birthday @HiltsClemFandango
Hope its not too bad.

It's ironic that this post popped up in my news feed today. Today, when I realised that I did not have a single person to put down as an emergency contact. NOT ONE. And felt incredible ashamed, when the person checking the form, asked if I had anyone and I had to say 'no, there's no-one.' I've often thought that I didn't have friends, but I've been distracting myself in the last couple of months, with work. Perhaps overworking to avoid the reality of being alone. There are also moments when I really like being at home, alone. But it hit me today, that even if I wanted to socialise with girlfriends; there are none!

As for birthdays, I have spent the last 15 alone. I only get a call from my parents. Random people send messages on FB, which I haven't logged onto for a few years.

I don't think you are sad; the situation is sad and disheartening - but you are not! I think it's exceptionally difficult to connect with people today.

I hope in the intervening months, you have found some solace and maybe met a new range of people, with whom you might be able to build a friendship with.

I know this is old and revived today but just wanted to tag on and say I feel EXACTLY the same. I don't have one close friend and it often makes me really really sad. I'm not good at small talk and getting to know people. I live in a small town where I went to school but the people I was friendly with at school have all moved on and away. I don't think people like me either and I can't work out why or what I do wrong. I'm trying to take the initiative more and ask a couple people to do things but someone upthread nailed how I feel too - I always think that people wouldn't want to hear from me or do stuff with me, so it feels really hard to put yourself out there. Everyone seems to already have an established group of friends they do things with and breaking into that seems nigh on impossible. It's reassuring to hear so many of you feel the same but still makes me feel really sad.

I have friends, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t but life gets in the way, we’re scattered across the country and I don’t see them very much. I often think I’d like someone local to nip the pub with, do play dates or go shopping etc.
Dh is great but I miss having girlfriends.
And it’s so hard to make friends as an adult without looking like a creep.

I second joining some sort of club or hobby group and taking things slowly (being prepared to start off just saying “hi”, then after a few weeks moving onto small talk, then after some months having long, friendly chats whilst at the group, and only after a year or so starting to meet up outside the group). You need to build up familiarity with people first, then trust, then you can work out which people you are genuinely compatible with and only try for meet ups with them.

There’s no point asking a mum at a mums and babies group out for tea the first time you meet her - you’ll come across as a bit weird and trying to force something that’s not there. Much better to play the long game but get yourself out and about in the meantime so you’re at least having superficial conversations with people and don’t lose your socialising skills.

Sorry OP, I know it’s hard. Reminds me of my dating days when I just couldn’t meet the right person!