To be disappointed with DC re my birthday

[Birthday43]

They are 10 and 12 and ds1 has access to his own money. They have spent the last couple of days at their dad's doing very little and he lives opposite an inexpensive card shop and a supermarket . They have got me nothing. I would have been more than happy with just a card.

Am I being precious to say something about how disappointed I am? I feel like they don't know if they aren't taught. This is the first year they've had the means to sort something independently as ex never would have supported them. I used to facilitate them in getting him a small gift and card but stopped a few years ago as he never reciprocated or even paid any maintenance. So maybe that was a mistake and this is my own fault.

Just don't want them to be inconsiderate people but maybe I'm expecting too much at their age?

Happy birthday!

My dc are also 10 and 12 and have always made me cards and presents. The last couple of years they've asked my mum to take them to the shop to buy me something. They can be little sods but are very good at birthdays etc.

My dc are also 10 and 12 and have always made me cards and presents. The last couple of years they've asked my mum to take them to the shop to buy me something. They can be little sods but are very good at birthdays etc.

What a cheerful message for the OP to read

My point was that maybe they've made her something. OP's bday is today so maybe they've planned a surprise?

They're just children they are old enough to buy a card!

They are also old enough to go to town and get you something. They certainly do this here for each other’s presents

Sorry I have to agree that these things come from the parents, children live in the moment and don't always remember. I understand why you stopped facilitating them buying for your XP but now they see it as normal. I still get for my ex even though he doesn't get them something for me half the time because it's the right thing to do and I wanted to teach them that. It is hurtful when they don't do it off they're own back but they lead by example. Happy birthday btw x

I got a bit upset one year when the DC did buy a mother’s day card between them that said ‘It’s mother’s day, we’ll work together as a team. Even daddy’s doing the ironing.’ When I was recently divorced after exH left me for OW. The oldest was 15 and really should have been a bit more thoughtful. I’d have preferred them to have forgotten tbh.

They are all boys, one has ASD and they are all a bit socially unaware. So need fairly explicit reminders. I just take them to the shops, and say ‘I’ll look away while you get me a card.’

I don’t accept this ‘they’re children’ shit. I know it was a hundred years ago but I knew the dates of my parents birthdays when I was in single digits. The shop at the end of our street had a ‘savings club’ and I remember the thrill of going in and paying my 6d each week towards for instance, my Mum’s glass scent spray that the shopkeeper had put aside for me. When I had enough sixpences on my card to cover the cost I could take it home in time for her birthday. Children need to be taught the pleasure of giving as well as receiving otherwise they grow into unpleasant, grasping adults.

And the above was without any prompting or reminding from my Dad.

Your birthday present is choosing what they wear today???? Eh??

Firstly contact CMS, your ex should be paying maintenance. That money is for your DC so claim it.

Secondly, YANBU at all. They are old enough to walk across to the supermarket and choose you a card at least or even make one.